


Somewhere In Between

by VaderCat



Series: In Between [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Danger, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Violence, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-02 02:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 76,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15786858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaderCat/pseuds/VaderCat
Summary: Cassian and Jyn are finally together and are happily engaged. However a mission from Cassian’s past threatens the peaceful life they hope to build together.





	1. Torn

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo . . . the plot bunnies in my head kept bugging me to write a sequel to Caught In Between. You know I’m a fan of happy endings so of course, telling readers now, there’s definitely a happy ending however some angst in between. Also thought I would introduce everyone’s favorite pilot in this story. :-) 
> 
> The timeline starts a little weird - Chapters 1 & 2 are flashbacks to 10 years ago, when Cassian leaves Jyn to go back to the Alliance. Chapter 3 starts off in the present, about two years after the end of Caught In Between. Had to do the flashbacks so I could introduce some characters and maybe revisit past issues that will threaten their happiness now. 
> 
> Will be a long, multi-chapter fic. Y'all know how I roll. Posting schedule most likely every other day or every day. Most of the story is already written, save for the last 2-3 chapters. 
> 
> A little bit nervous about posting this - for some reason, this story wasn't as easy to write as my others. Hope everyone likes it.
> 
> Also, loose plot. Very. Very. Loose.
> 
> Update 8/31: I have a playlist on Spotify if anyone's interested for this fic. It's a work in progress - if anyone would like to suggest songs, I'll add them on there. 
> 
>  
> 
> Somewhere In Between playlist

A prologue of sorts . .  .

 

_10 years ago_

He woke up abruptly when his phone went off, alerting him to his upcoming flight. He needed to leave to catch a plane to Denver where the Alliance base was located - deep in the Rocky Mountains. He looked at Jyn - fast asleep, curled up on her side, reaching out for a pillow, _seeking him,_ mumbling in her sleep. She looked so peaceful. So sweet. Innocent. He blinked back the tears, swallowing the lump in his throat.  
  
He dressed quietly, studying her, taking in the way her bangs fell over her face, her dark lashes contrasting against her smooth, pale skin. The way the sheet rode up on her naked thigh.  He bit his lip, rubbing at his eyes, trying to get control of his emotions. He loved her so much and this one action, this one thing he was going to do, leaving her - no - _abandoning her,_ he was going to regret. All her life, people she loved left.  
  
_I’m doing this to protect her, he told himself, over and over. This is all to protect her._  Taking a deep breath, he scrawled out a quick note, kissed her gently on her forehead and walked out the door.

 

* * *

 Jyn woke up, smiling, reaching over to touch Cassian. It was the first time they had ever spent the night together and she knew she was going to be in deep shit with her aunt and uncle for not coming home but the night before had been amazing, falling asleep in his arms, only to wake up sleepily and make love to him over and over again through the night.  
  
She frowned, noticing he wasn’t in the bed, the kitchen. She sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover her chest. The bathroom was empty. The apartment was eerily quiet.  She noticed a piece of paper on the pillow. Her hand shook as she picked it up to read it.   
  
_I’m so sorry. I reenlisted. I had to leave. I’m so sorry Jyn._

Tears sprang to her eyes as she read it over and over trying to process the empty words and the broken promise.

He left her.

He left her!  

He didn’t even bother telling her bye. He slept with her and was gone. With a stupid note that said he was sorry. She replayed in her mind the night before. _What did she do wrong? Why didn’t he tell her?_ They hadn’t even talked that much. He had been frantic when he couldn’t find her the night before, then when he saw her in his kitchen, he had pulled her to him roughly, kissing her, pushing her up against the counter, shredding her clothes. She had responded back, sensing his need to be in control, to let him take the lead. Their lovemaking had been intense, rough but passionate, so different than their stolen moments of sweet passion. She thought everything was fine.

  
Why did he leave?  
  
Why did everybody she love leave her?  
  
She walked back home, numb. Kerrick and Randy were going to kill her for being out all night. She was eighteen but Kerrick had just barely come to terms with her relationship with Cassian and they both had tried not to push his limits, being respectful of his rules.  
  
The minute Jyn opened the door, Randi knew something was wrong. The red eyes, tear-stained face, trembling lips, the look of utter despair on her face.

Kerrick took one look at Jyn and glared at Randi. “I’m going to kill him,” he muttered under his breath _._  Randi elbowed Kerrick shaking her head silently, motioning for him not to say anything. He could tell Jyn was upset - he didn’t know why but judging by the look on her face it most likely had to do with Cassian. He reigned in his temper, figuring it would be better if Randi talked to her. He walked out of the room, patting Jyn lightly on the shoulder, murmuring he was glad she was home.  
  
Jyn looked at Randi and collapsed in her outstretched arms,  crying. “Shhh . . . shhh . . . honey. It’s okay. It’s okay.”  
  
“He left. He left me.” Jyn sobbed out, hysterically. Randi looked at Jyn, sympathy, understanding, in her warm eyes. “Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” She hugged Jyn tightly, running her fingers through her hair. “I’m so sorry.” Jyn didn’t know how long she stayed in her aunt's arms. She couldn’t breath. Every time she tried, her stomach would ache, her heart beat wildly, her mind whirring, wondering why he went back.  
  
They were supposed to stay together, she was going to a local university, giving up her dream of MIT. He was going to stay in town, maybe get a job with the Sheriff’s department. _They had made plans, Jyn wanted to scream out -_

They had made plans.

She closed her eyes, absorbing the comfort her aunt was giving her. She stared out the window at the neighboring house where Cassian used to live, having been taken in by his cousins after his parents were killed when he was little.

_They grew up together. They were supposed to be together._

She finally untangled herself from her aunt, taking a deep breath. “I can’t stay here. Everything, everywhere I look, reminds me of him.” She wiped furiously at the tears coming out of her eyes. “I’m going to email Dr. Gutierrez at MIT to see if I can still get in for freshman orientation.”

Randi smiled sadly. She didn’t know why Cassian left but she knew something was wrong the night before. She could sense his anxiety when he was trying to find Jyn. Plus with Kes re-enlisting back in the military. Something was going on that neither boy wanted to share with her. “I understand honey. Your uncle and I will support you no matter what.”

Jyn emailed Dr. Saw Gutierrez, the professor that had been recruiting her to MIT. His reply was instantaneous. _We’ll see you next week, Ms. Dameron._

* * *

Saw Gerrera looked at his phone, debating whether or not to tell Draven the change of plans in Jyn’s choice of school. Still irritated at the Alliance for ignoring his warnings of the Empire, he left it alone. _Let them figure it out._

* * *

 

“We need you to set up surveillance.”

Cassian was at his desk, in the Alliance operations center, poring over the pictures the Empire had of Jyn, trying to find a clue, a piece of information as to why _they were tracking her?_ How did she get involved in this? He looked up, frowning at Draven, his commanding officer.

“Surveillance on who, sir?” He asked, confused.

“On Dameron,” Draven replied, rather impatiently. Ever since he came back into the Alliance, Andor wasn’t himself. Draven knew the last mission before he left had been bad - so bad that Cassian refused to tell anyone else about it save for the fact that the target was dead. But now, he could tell he was distracted. At some point Draven was going to need to have a conversation with him - tell him he needed to not make this personal. He chewed his lip thoughtfully, impatiently tapping his fingers on the desk, trying to figure out how to do it while still keeping his best spy.

“Why in the world would we spy on Kes?” Cassian asked, perplexed. Had Draven lost it? The man was a big time cold war spy and walked a very bent (not crooked) line but sometimes he could get carried away.

Draven glared at Cassian. “Not on Kes, dumbshit, on Jyn. We got into the University of Reno’s records, we have her dorm number, managed to get her a single room so we don’t have to worry about a stupid roommate. But we need to set up cameras, video, listening devices, etc. Your call on what we need.”

Cassian stilled. _Draven wanted to spy on Jyn?_ His stomach sickened at the thought of it.

“I thought we were trying to figure out why the Empire had her under surveillance. Shouldn’t we spy on them? Why would we surveil her?” _He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t invade her privacy._

_(Actually he could. But he didn’t - he knew - he wouldn’t be able to stand to see her every day on video, listen to her voice over comms and not be able to talk to her, hold her.)_

Draven started talking fast, too fast, which wasn’t normal. “We just need surveillance. We need to watch her to see who else is watching her. Get with it, Andor.”  
  
Cassian eyed him warily. Draven was up to something. He wouldn’t waste resources like this. Then it dawned on him.

“You think she’s working for them. For the Empire.”

Draven kept his face blank. “Look Andor. I don’t know what the fuck is going on but I find it funny the correlation between you being an agent, you two hooking up and then all of a sudden, she’s of interest to the Empire?”  
  
Cassian shook his head wearily. “She’s not. She didn’t even know everything I did for the Alliance. She’s an innocent in all this.  Somehow she got on their radar. These pictures are right after that damn hacker camp she went to when she was sixteen. She’s smart, a genius with computers, maybe they’re keeping an eye on her for her skills.”  
  
Draven let out a sound close to a grunt. “We still need eyes and ears on her. Get the logistics in order then report back to me. I have another assignment for you.”  
  
Cassian flopped back in his chair, staring at the computer, sighing. _Jyn, why are they watching you?_  
  
He put Kay in charge of setting up the surveillance then met with Draven about his assignment. Next thing he knew, he was on a plane to New York to meet with an informant that was part of an underground freedom-fighter group for countries being overrun by drugs, human trafficking and weapons dealing.  The informant was giving Cassian a list of weapons and material the Empire was procuring along with possible recruits that could be turned against the Empire. Cassian scanned the list of names, stopping cold when a name popped up.  
  
Galen Erso. Head engineer for one of the Empire’s shell companies.

 _That’s it. That’s the connection._ Jyn’s last name before the Dameron's adopted her. She wasn’t involved with the Empire. It was her father.

He was about to call Draven to give him an update when he got a text from Kay.

_We have a problem. Jyn didn’t show up to U of R._

Well shit.

* * *

All the surveillance, all the video feeds, had been set up, anticipating her arrival at University of Reno. A quick search confirmed she was going to MIT. Since Cassian was on the East coast already, he was closest to MIT and was scrambling at the last minute setting up the feeds while Jyn checked into freshman orientation.

He was in her dorm room installing the cameras and mics, trying to ignore the fact at how _close_ he was to her.

“Cass, you have to get out of there.” Melshi was on the comm, whispering in his ear, a thousand miles away. Kay had been able to hack into MIT’s network and had access to the university’s external cameras. They had their eyes on freshmen orientation making sure to warn Cassian when Jyn was on her way. He had told Draven that there was no need to spy on her now, that they knew how she was tied to the Empire but Draven still insisted.

“I’m almost done Melshi. Give me five minutes.”

He worked in the last wire to the TV and then stepped back observing the room. It was a typical dorm - block walls, wooden desk, closet. He pictured Jyn setting up her laptop and monitors, muttering to herself as she would try immediately to get into the university’s network, scrunching her face and biting her lip as she often did when deep in thought. His gaze fell on the plain twin bed and he imagined her asleep, curled up on her side. A part of him wanted to get caught, give up, say to hell with it all and apologize like crazy to her. He was so close to giving in. _He missed her. Her warmth, the way she hugged him, how she would always smile mischievously before she would pull him in for a kiss._

Then he remembered the pictures Draven showed him. Pictures the Empire took of her. Swimming in the lake . . . by herself. Walking home from work . . . by herself. Photos from her high-school graduation, her face beaming as she gave her valedictorian speech. He blinked hard and shook his head, as if a simple shake could clear those images from his mind. He needed to focus. Stay sharp. He still had a lot of work to do. He had to figure out why the Empire was on Jyn’s tail, how her father figured into it and what they were planning. _He needed to protect her._

So lost In thought, Cassian barely registered Melshi yelling in his ear.

“Cass YOU NEED TO LEAVE NOW! Get out! She’s getting off the elevator.”

He didn’t have time to leave out the door which left the balcony as his only option. Jyn’s dorm faced the back of campus so luckily there weren’t too many people around. He took one last, long look at her room, quickly leapt off the balcony to the fire escape and walked briskly away.

* * *

Jyn finally found her room and opened her door. She staggered for a moment as she adjusted to the bright sunlight that filtered through - her sliding door was open which was odd. Maybe the housekeeping staff was trying to air out the room, she thought to herself.  

She stopped short as she entered the room, suddenly aware of the scent. _Pine trees and sunshine. Him._ She shook her head, taking a deep breath and walked out to the balcony. Her loneliness was taking its toll on her - she was imagining _Cassian_ everywhere, as if she could feel _him_ nearby. Her room smelled like _him_ , she looked out over the balcony and spotted a student, casually walking away, but the height, the gait, the leather jacket, reminded her so much of _Cassian_ that she had to blink and look again. But this time when she looked out, no one was in sight.

Jyn looked away sadly as a tear slid down her face. She thought moving across the country could help her forget him, could help her get over him but all it did was make her feel more alone.


	2. Can I be him?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian comes back from a mission and is surprised to find that Jyn has moved on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you guys, angst up ahead. Just this chapter though . . . for now . . . 
> 
> Also, keep in mind we’re still in the past (10 years ago) - next chapter will bring us up to the present.

  _You walked into the room and now my heart has been stolen_

_You took me back in time to when I was unbroken_

_Now you're all I want_  
_And I knew it from the very first moment_  
_'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again_

 _I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me_  
_Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me_  
_When the lights come on and I'm on my own_  
_Will you be there to sing it again?_  
_Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories_ _  
__Can I be him?_

 

Cassian had the flight from hell coming back to the Alliance base. His red eye out of Boston was canceled, the new one was rerouted. They flew him to Phoenix, he had to stay overnight there and then fly to Denver. He reported in to Draven, giving him an update.  

He walked into the operations center and stopped short, catching his breath on the screen in front of him. Melshi and Kay had all the video feeds up and running and Jyn was there on the screen, sitting down on her bed with her laptop. He had to hold himself back from touching the monitor. She looked so real . . . as if she was there in person.

Then he noticed someone else in there with her.

A male.

He clenched his jaw, trying to tamp down the jealousy that immediately sprang up.

“Who’s that?” he asked, casually, smoothing out the irritation on his face.

 _He wanted to beat whoever it was._ _Jesus Christ, Kes’s temper must have been rubbing off on him_

Melshi and Kay turned around quickly, not hearing him come in. Neither one of them knew of his history with Jyn. They just understood her to be a person of interest to the Alliance and to the Empire.

Kay looked down at his notes. “His name’s Bodhi Rook. Software engineer major. Lives in the same dorm. From what I gather, they met yesterday? Hung out in her room, left, came back with some nice-looking tech, then he stayed in her room drinking. Some cheap wine called Strawberry Mountain? Rasberry Hill?,” he frowned, looking down at the notes the night crew had left.

“Strawberry Hill,” Cassian and Melshi responded simultaneously, both thinking of the  cheap wine that was popular in high school.

“I don’t even want to know why you two know what it is,” Kay said, with a clear note of disdain in his voice. “No wine should ever look that pink.”

“Anyways,” he continued, “looks like they’re getting pretty chummy. Both drank about three bottles each of that crap.”

Cassian snapped the pencil he had been holding. Jyn had never been much of a drinker. She hated to lose control. This guy was a bad influence.

Kay eyed him curiously.

Melshi piped up. “But then he left not too long after. We can show you the feed if you want.”

Cassian breathed a sigh of relief.

“No, that’s not necessary,” he said, looking at his phone. Draven had texted that he needed to see him again. He looked at the monitors. They were laughing, both on their laptops, smiling at each other.

Hurt bloomed deep inside him when he saw her smile. The smile she had reserved only for him. Now she was there with this stranger, smiling at him, her grin lighting up the room.

“Keep an eye on him,” he said through clenched teeth. “We need to make sure his background checks out.” Then he stomped out the room.

 

* * *

 

Jyn was frustrated. She just wanted to start throwing things, scream at people and hit something. Everything was too much. She missed home. She missed _him_. She was in this new place with no friends. She could swear her room smelled like him. She was going fucking crazy.  She tried setting up her computer and her monitor crashed to the floor, the screen breaking.

“GODDAMNIT! MOTHERFUCKER! PIECE OF SHIT!” She shouted to no one in particular.

She was so mad, so angry, so lonely. She rubbed her eyes furiously, trying to avoid tears from coming out. She reached down to pick up her monitor then hit her head on the desk. The final straw was when she tried to turn on her laptop and she got the blue screen of death.

That was the breaking point.

Jyn started crying.

So lost was she in her sobbing she didn’t hear the gentle knocks at her door.

She was done. Just done. She could care less what people thought. Maybe it was her RA checking on her. Ready to put her on some kind of watch list.

“Come in,” she said, between sniffles.

A young man, with tanned skin and in bad need of a haircut, maybe a year older than her, peeked his head in. “Hi,” he said, shyly. “I . . . umm I’m next door and I  . . . heard a crash then uh . . . some swearing . . . and wanted to make sure you were okay?”

Jyn looked up at him and that’s when he saw her red-rimmed, brilliant green eyes. And the red nose. And the tear stained cheeks.

He quickly looked down, avoiding looking at her face.

“Oh . . . I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I mean . . . I did mean to interrupt, because the crash, then the bump and the . . . sailor cussing but I didn’t think . . .”

Jyn just stared at him. Then she burst out laughing which quickly turned to sobbing. Then to hyperventilating.

“My life sucks,” she choked out.

“My home is all the way across the country.” She gasped.

“I miss my family.” She wailed.

“My boyfriend left me without a word.” Her lips trembled.

“My fucking monitor broke.” She snarled.

“I hit my head and it hurts.” She whined.

“And I’m at MIT, _THE_ school for technology and my fucking laptop crashed.” She said incredulously.

He looked at her like she had gone bat-shit crazy. Jyn put her head down into her folded arms and kept sobbing, past the point of caring what this weirdo thought of her, past the point of noticing other students staring curiously at her through her open door. She was so homesick. So lonely. She wanted to curl up in her bed, cry herself to sleep and hope that all this was just a bad nightmare. That she would wake up to the doorbell ringing in her home 3000 miles away with Cassian waiting anxiously on the porch wanting to go for a hike, the sun shining down on his beautiful smile.

Then she felt a hand gently clasp her shoulder and looked up, noticing her neighbor was still there. He slid down the wall, sitting next to her on the floor, sighing.

“My home is on the other side of the _world_.”

“My boyfriend outed me on Facebook then dumped me.”

“I’ll probably have a $100,000 in student loans by the time I graduate.”

“My _heart_ hurts.”

Then he winked at her, with a twinkle in his eye. “But I have a badass laptop.”

They sat like that for a while, quiet, both sitting in each other’s world of hurt, when Jyn abruptly got up and stared at this new stranger in her life, her green eyes sweeping over him, taking in the kindness of his face, the soft smile, the hurt in his eyes.

“I read somewhere that if we threw all our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back in a heartbeat.”  

Then she grinned at him. Her first smile in what felt like weeks. “I’d definitely pick my problems over yours, dude.”

She stuck out her hand. “Jyn Dameron.”

He took her hand into a gentle handshake. “Bodhi Rook.”

“Well Jyn,” Bodhi said, “My issues might be worse than yours but at least _I have_ a functioning laptop.”

Jyn gave him a friendly glare. “Well Bo-dee,” she said, smacking her lips, annunciating his name. “You got wheels?”

He nodded his head, reluctantly. “Well give me a ride so I can go buy myself a _badass laptop_ and some cheap alcohol then we can drink our problems away.”

Bodhi eyed her warily. This girl was going to be the death of him.

And with that, a friendship was born.

 

* * *

 

“His background, checks out, Agent Andor. He’s on a visa from Jeddha, a port city in Saudi Arabia. Very highly skilled in computer engineering - scored nearly as high on his SATs as Ms. Dameron.”

Cassian listened attentively. He needed to make sure this guy wasn’t a threat to Jyn.

(What he needed was to be with Jyn and not stalking some poor freshmen that just happened to make friends with his girlfriend).

(Ex-girlfriend).

The analyst continued. “Mr. Rook doesn’t have any social media accounts but in looking at some old caches, apparently he had a boyfriend but they broke up before he left for MIT.”

Cassian nodded his head. “Go on.”

The analyst paused. “His family still lives in Jeddah, he’s at MIT on a scholarship however had to take out several  student loans to --”

“Wait did you say boyfriend?” Cassian interrupted.

The analyst looked at Cassian oddly - as if why in the world would he hone in on an ex-boyfriend.

“Umm, yes, sir. Boyfriend. Former boyfriend, but they broke up.”

Cassian instantly relaxed, exhaling slowly, feeling like he could finally breathe. _Good, he didn’t have anything to worry about._

 

He checked in with Draven, giving him an update on the surveillance and to find out what the next assignment would be. He dreaded this part of his job - the _wet work._ He knew he worked for the good guys, that if you somehow ended up in his sniper scope, you must have done something pretty terrible to get there. But the assassinations, the spy work, the lying, the cheating, the being someone he wasn’t took a toll on him. He felt like every time he killed someone, he killed a piece of his soul, a piece of his morality.

That’s why he had left the Alliance last year and went back home. His last mission - the one that kept him from going home, had nearly killed what good that was left in him. It wasn’t until he saw Jyn again that he felt whole, light. As if she somehow brightened the darkness in him.

And now he was back with the Alliance.  His soul be damned.

He looked over the folder Draven gave him. This was a long term assignment - anywhere from six months to a year. He briefed Kay, giving him project lead on Jyn’s surveillance, took one last look at the screen and then left.

 

* * *

He came back, eight months later, the mission, of course a success. He went straight to the operations center wanting to get an update on Jyn’s surveillance. The mission had been _rough._ But the thought of Jyn, knowing he was doing all this so he could keep her safe, was what kept him going these past months.

_He just needed to see her, see her smile. See the way she brightened up a room._

He quietly walked in, sneaking up behind Melshi and Kay. Both had popcorn and were watching the screen intently as if it were a movie. He looked at the screen, only seeing her. Her hair was longer, she was wearing makeup, some kind of eyeliner that brought out the green in her eyes. He frowned slightly. She never wore much makeup when they were together. She didn’t need to. _She was beautiful._

He had noticed a guy in the room with her and thought it was her neighbor, Buddy? Billy? But then the guy turned around.

It wasn’t him.

This guy was taller, bigger, with brown hair and brown eyes. Clean-shaven. Cassian supposed some girls would think he was good looking in a boy next door kind of way.

And he was sitting too close to Jyn, their heads poring over a book and then clicking away at keys on her laptop, their hands sometimes bumping up against each other. He said something Cassian couldn’t quite catch which made Jyn laugh and playfully punch him. The guy grabbed Jyn’s fist and held it briefly, caressing her hand, twining his fingers through hers.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Who the hell is that?” Cassian growled out.

Melshi and Kay both jumped up in surprise, guilt on their face.

“Hey good to have you back, Cass,” Melshi said easily, sitting back down, his eyes going back to the screen.

Kay just stared at Cassian, looking between Cassian and the screen and then back at Cassian.

Cassian waved his hand towards the screen waiting for an explanation.

Melshi, not sensing Cassian’s obvious distress, updated him. “New guy is her study buddy - they have a few classes together. We checked him out - he’s clean. And pretty smart. Ranked number three in his class. People around campus call Jyn, Bodhi and him the holy trinity because they’re so freaking smart. Name is Rylan Cruz.”

“They look like they’re more than study buddies,” Cassian observed, clenching his fists tightly at his side.

Melshi turned to look at Cassian. “Oh that? Yeah, they’ve gone out on a few dates. He has it bad for her and she has no clue. We think tonight might be it though. They went out to dinner, they’re back at her place, looks like she’s finally relaxing around him, they’re . . .” Then he looked up at the screen. “Oh yeah . . . tonight’s the night.”

Cassian looked.

He shouldn’t have. 

He felt like a knife had sliced right through him - his heart tearing in half.  

They were kissing. The guy had her pressed against her desk and she had wrapped her arms around his neck and they were kissing. Then hugging. Then kissing again. He saw him slowly trail kisses down her neck then he reached his arm out to turn off the lights in her room and the screen went black, where they could only see their silhouettes embraced against the moonlight filtering in the room.

Cassian tore his eyes away from the screen. He needed to hit something, throw something. He knew he had no right to be mad. _He left her._ But fuck if his heart wasn’t hurting right now. He turned and walked away, slamming the door as he walked out. Melshi and Kay both stared at each other, questions in their eyes. Then they scrambled out of their seats, trying to follow him.

Neither one saw the light turning back on moments later, Jyn unwinding herself from Rylan’s arms, shaking her head no and opening the door for him to leave.

* * *

 

Jyn tried moving on from Cassian, she tried to forget him. She knew Rylan had a crush on her and she thought she _could_ like him, she thought _maybe there could be more._ His hair and his smile reminded her of Cassian. But the minute they kissed and his soft lips touched hers, all she could think of was Cassian and his rough, chapped, sometimes dry lips, from being outside all day, how he smelled of pine trees, of the fresh-water lake, of all that reminded her of home. She couldn’t. She couldn’t pretend he was someone else. She broke off the kiss, apologizing to him, telling him that he was really nice but she wasn’t ready for a relationship. He smiled at her sadly, accepting her apology and left.

(His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.)

* * *

Melshi and Kay found Cassian at the officer’s club on the base. He had a couple of bottles of beer sitting in front of him, empty, a vacant look on his face. Cassian waved towards the empty seats at his table, his body motions listless, as if he was giving up on a fight that hadn’t even started yet. He ordered some more beers for them and they sat quietly drinking.

Cassian finally started talking. “I know her. Jyn.”

Melshi looked up in surprise, almost spitting out his beer. Kay sat back, absorbing the information.

Cassian took a deep breath. “She’s Kes’s cousin, little sister. His family adopted her when her mother died. I was their next door neighbor. We were best friends.”

He sighed, remembering the first year they met. She was eight? All he remembered were large green eyes on a small face, a little spit-fire who had kicked Kes in the shin when he didn’t want to take her bike riding with them.

“Friends?” Kay said, lifting his eyebrows, questioningly.

Cassian stared out the window, at the craggly mountain tops. “More than friends,” he said softly. “We . . . were together. When she was sixteen, then I left to go to the military and was drafted into Intelligence. I was supposed to go back home when Kes left but Draven sent me on an assignment and I didn’t go back . . . not right away. But I couldn’t stay away. And she forgave me for not coming back.”

_She won’t forgive me this time._

Melshi and Kay stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue.

“When I came back, she was older, having just turned eighteen, and we . . . we connected again.” He thought back to that night when they finally admitted their feelings for each other.

_Jyn had continued to date other boys even though Cassian was back. He had kept himself at a distance, going back to the platonic relationship they once had. So . . . she did the same, dating other guys. It was her senior year in high school and he wouldn’t deny her the chance to hang out with other kids her own age._

_She had come home late one night, way past curfew and Cassian was there, waiting up for her._

_(To make sure she came home safe, he told himself). He had been staying at the Dameron’s until he could move into his apartment._

_“A little bit late,” he remarked, trying to hide the scowl on his face._

_“You're not my dad," she said immaturely, brushing past him._ _  
_

_He grabbed her arm. "Well somebody should be. That's the third guy this week."_  
  
_She snapped at him. "What do you want Cassian? Want me to not date at all? Stay home and pine over you while you work up the nerve to ask me out. Because I've done enough of that."_  
  
_Her next words cut him to the heart. "It's not like you want me anyways," she said, her voice barely a whisper._  
  
_He stared at her. How could she think that?_  
  
_"Jyn . . ." he said, "I . . . I didn't want to intrude, you're doing good. You have friends, you're going out. I don't want to mess that up for you. I want . . . " he stopped. What did he want? He wasn’t active anymore. He had a job, was enrolling in college. The future was finally . . .looking bright for him._  
  
_She asked the question instead. "What do you want then Cass?"_  
_  
__"You," he said, quietly, as he pulled her to him, kissing her._

 

“Cass?” Melshi broke him out of his thoughts.

He paused . . .  this was the hard part. “We were happy. We had made plans, we were going to stay together after she graduated. Then . . . Draven came to me, out of the blue, with pictures the Empire had of her. They were spying on her. So I left. Without a word. Left everything behind. Our plans, our future . . . all so I could save her.”

He stared at them, these friends of his. Men who he trusted when trust was so rare for him.

He was trying hard to keep it together, to keep his face calm, emotionless, but his cheeks were burning, his stomach heaving. His eyes were dry because he was worried one blink would send all the bottled up emotions flooding out.

“This is personal, Cassian.” Kay said. Not accusing, but merely stating a fact.

He looked at Kay - his face serious. “There’s nothing I want more than for her to move on. Forget me. I don’t know how long this assignment will take, how long before we can bring the Empire down but I won’t stop until I know she’s safe.”

He paused, gathering everything he felt and locking it down, not to reopen it ever again.

“She just moved on more quickly than I thought,” he said, draining the last of his beer. He threw some money on the table and walked away.

  
_I heard there was someone but I know he don't deserve you_  
_If you were mine I'd never let anyone hurt you, no, no_  
_I wanna dry those tears, kiss those lips_  
_It's all that I've been thinking about_  
_'Cause a light came on when I heard that song and I want you to sing it again_

 _I swear that every word you sing, you wrote them for me_  
_Like it was a private show, but I know you never saw me_  
_When the lights come on and I'm on my own_  
_Will you be there to sing it again_  
_Could I be the one you talk about in all your stories?_

 _Can I be the one_  
_Can I be the one_  
_Can I be the one_ _  
__Ohh, can I, can I be him?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So song lyrics are [Can I Be Him](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3dPK8tDn6g) by James Arthur. Heard this song and immediately thought this would be a good Jyn/Cass pining song. Sorry - every sad song I hear I think of a damn Jyn/Cass scenario . . .
> 
> Next chapter will be present time and hopefully some fluff.
> 
> For a bit . . .


	3. Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian struggle with nightmares.

_Present_

Jyn woke up with a start, her heart beating erratically. She let her eyes focus for a moment, trying to adjust to a conscious state. _She was home. Safe_. She took a deep breath and then exhaled, fanning her t-shirt which was damp from sweat.

She turned, reaching for Cassian, finding his body clammy too. She peered at him through the darkness, watching him while he slept. She could tell by his facial expressions that he wasn’t sleeping peacefully.  Her lips turned down in a pout. He had been doing so good - the nightmares were becoming less and less. Usually something would trigger them - a past memory, something on the job. She debated whether or not to wake him. The last nightmare, he had lashed out, accidentally pushing her off the bed. She had laughed it off but Cassian had been so upset at the possibility that he could have hurt her, he refused to sleep in their bed for a month. Jyn had to use tons of bribery, cajoling and finally wearing sexy lingerie every night to get him to share a bed with her again. She smiled thinking of it. Cassian could be so damn stubborn but all it took was a black nightie and some begging and he was putty in her hands.

A sound close to a silent whimper breathed out from him. Jyn lightly caressed his arm, trying to soothe him. “ _Cass, it’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here with you,_ ” she whispered. He kept mumbling. Some of the words were in Spanish that she couldn’t translate but then she caught some words that made her freeze. “ _No. Not Jyn. Not her.”_ She kept caressing his arm, murmuring to him. His tossing and turning slowly subsided and he wrapped his arms tightly around her, as if to reassure himself she was still there. Jyn lightly touched his face, smoothing the lone tear that leaked out of his eye.

She placed her hand over his heart, her engagement ring shining in the moonlight that filtered through the window, the brilliant emerald flanked by two small diamonds.. She smiled at it sleepily. _I love him so much, she thought, clutching onto him. This too will pass._

So caught up in trying to console him, Jyn ignored why she had woken up in the first place.

Cassian woke up slowly, noting Jyn snuggled tight in his arms. It was still dark outside, the sun having not risen yet. She was wide awake, her green eyes staring at him, carding her fingers through his hair.

“Hi,” he said, dipping his face down to her, kissing her gently on the lips.

“Morning,” she said, smiling at him tentatively. “How’d you sleep?”

He tensed up, remembering his nightmare. His eyes grew concerned. “I didn’t . . . please tell me I didn’t hurt you again, Jyn.” He tried to untangle himself from her, worried he was was hurting her now.

She clutched onto him tighter. “Cass,” she said firmly. “I’m fine.” She stayed quiet, trying to form her next words carefully. “But I could tell you weren’t sleeping good.” She caressed his arm, gently cupping his face to look at her.

“Cass . . . are you okay? It . . .  they seem to be more frequent now.” He looked away, stubbornly.

She pulled his face back to her. “Cassi,” she said, pleading.  “You helped me with mine. You got me through it. I want to help you. Even when I was a little girl, you were always there. Let me help you.”

_He thought back to Jyn at twelve, having been physically abused by her stepfather, her green eyes shadowed with dark circles from not having slept, not telling anyone of the nightmare she had endured at his hands.  Cassian had his own nightmares then, his parents having been killed in front of him at the tender age of six. He had helped her, stuck by her side, took her mind off the torment she had endured. They had spent their youth outside, riding bikes, hiking, swimming in the freezing lake to get away from the pain._

He closed his eyes, remembering the dream.  Usually it was always the same one. _Some mission, some assassination. But every time he pulled the trigger, it was Jyn at the wrong end of the gun, blood oozing out of her. It wasn’t so much the blood that bothered him but the look of hurt and shock when she would realize it was him that killed her._

How could he tell her about these dreams? The things he had done in the military? The people he had to kill? The ones he had to torture?

When he left her - _more like abandoned her he thought bitterly_ , everything he had done had been to save her, to protect her from the Empire. _How would she feel if she knew that?_ He knew she had an idea of who he used to be, what he was. Sometimes he felt like he was still that same person. That the thing that made him dark was still in him, waiting to reawaken. That he was struggling to keep the monster under control.

He stayed quiet, thinking of the dream from the night before. This dream . . . he had killed Galen and Jyn had been right there, watching, a horrified look on her face. Then he turned the gun on her and pulled the trigger. _Get rid of all witnesses had been ingrained in him from day one._ He closed his eyes. _The dream was too similar to one of his past operations_. He couldn’t go there. That was one of his worst missions - where he felt the humanity from him seeping out and all that was left was a shell. It took being near Jyn again, to kiss her, to hold her, for him to feel human again.

He didn’t know what brought it on. Something would usually trigger it - a memory or an incident at work. He was a deputy for the town’s sheriff department. They lived in a small town but it wasn’t without its challenges. Sometimes a particularly rough case, anything violent, could trigger a bad dream. But lately, they just seemed to be coming more and more often. It had been almost three years since Jyn had nearly been killed, throwing herself in front of a bullet that was meant for Cassian.

He looked at her, taking in the concern, the worry. She didn’t need to worry about him. He could handle this.  

“Jyn,” he breathed, nuzzling his face into her neck. “I’m okay, I’ll be fine.” He scattered kisses over her neck, sliding his hand under her pajama shirt. He paused briefly when he felt her damp shirt, his mouth curling up into a frown. He lost his train of thought when Jyn moaned and arched up into him, throwing her leg over his hip, urging him closer. He smiled crookedly into her neck. _She wasn’t the only one that knew how to distract, he thought,_ as he slowly took off her shirt, running his lips down her chest, his body automatically tensing as they met puckered skin. _Entrance wounds._ Jyn felt him pause, his lips brushing against her scars. She ran her fingers down his face. _“I’m okay,” she murmured. “I’m right here.”_ He relaxed at her soft words and continued his exploring, his lips grazing over her stomach. He grasped her tightly to him, holding her, kissing and cherishing every part of her body, willing the worry away.

 

The smell of fresh coffee, bacon and eggs woke Cassian up. He rubbed his eyes, gritty from the lack of sleep. At least the latter part of the night was nice, he mused, as he looked down at the tiny bite marks Jyn had left on his chest, blushing when he saw the one on his hip. He shook his head, smiling, thinking of her. _The girl was insatiable_.  

He threw an old shirt on and a pair of sweats and wandered out into the kitchen, dropping a kiss on her head as she flipped the bacon.

“Hmmm . . . this is a surprise. Is it my birthday?,” he asked her, teasingly.

She threw an elbow into his ribs, glaring at him. Jyn left most of the cooking to Cassian but could handle simple dishes. Salads. Sandwiches. Breakfast was pushing it.  

“Hmph,” she muttered. “Just figured I would play hooky today and we could go for a hike. You’re leaving soon for your LEO training and with work being so busy, I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you before you left.”

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. “I don’t want to go. I’d rather stay here with you,” he grumbled. He hated to leave her alone. Even though it had been three years since the Empire had been taken down, he still worried about her being alone.

“Cass,” she chided. “Kerrick is counting on you going. Plus I’ll be fine. Shara and Kes are close by, plus Bodhi said he’ll hang out with me since Luke is teaching abroad for a couple of months.”

He scowled at the mention of Bodhi’s name. “Jyn! Bodhi’s about as useless for security as a golden retriever. That is not comforting at all.”

Jyn sighed, turning into his arms. “When are you two going to get along?” She asked, eyes pleading with him.

Cassian looked away, avoiding her gaze.. “I’ll start liking him as soon as he starts liking me,” he pouted childishly.

Jyn rolled her eyes. Cassian and Bodhi were still warming up to each other. Bodhi was Jyn’s best friend from college. They had met at freshman orientation and all Bodhi could remember was the train wreck that was Jyn when he first met her, having run off to MIT when Cassian left her without a word. So it was very much a surprise when Jyn hired Bodhi to work in her tech start-up and he found Cassian back in her life.

For Cassian, it was pure jealousy. He had eyes and ears to the ground the whole time Jyn was in college and when she moved back home. Reviewing the photos or watching the video feeds in the Alliance surveillance room, he saw the way Bodhi made her laugh and smile. It killed him a little each day that he couldn’t be with her. For so long, Jyn and Cassian had been best friends and then lovers. Seeing her develop that friendship with Bodhi in college, when it should have been him, hurt on so many levels. So when he found out Jyn had hired Bodhi, he wasn’t too thrilled . . . .

 

* * *

_A year ago_

It was Jyn’s birthday and Cassian wanted to surprise her at work with flowers and take her out to lunch. She had finally left the university and had started her software and product development firm. Business had been doing great - she had been able to start it from home but with demand increasing, she needed to lease office space. The movers and shakers of Silicon Valley suggested San Francisco or San Jose but Jyn outright refused. San Francisco brought nothing but bad memories for her and Cassian - a location where she had been gunned down and nearly died. She in fact had died, her heart having stopped beating.

She finally decided on Sacramento. It was only two hours away from where they lived, in South Lake Tahoe. Jyn could still work from home but go into the office once a week and then if need be, she could lease space near the lake as well.

Cassian opened the door to her office and was greeted by a familiar face. Not Jyn’s though. And it was only familiar to Cassian considering the Alliance had stalked Jyn all throughout college. He racked his brain, trying to remember his name. It was something weird. _Buddy? Barry?_

“Hi. Are you delivering flowers for Jyn? I’ll take them.”

Cassian called upon his reserve and spyness and kept his face blank, pretending unrecognition. Of course this guy wouldn’t recognize him.

_Wait a minute? Did he just insult me? He thinks I’m a delivery boy._

His lips quirked up into a smirk and he waved him off, moving to go towards the back of the suite. “That’s fine. I can give these to her myself.”

Bodhi tried to cut him off, his smile wavering. “Ummm . . . only authorized personnel are allowed in the back.” 

 _Authorized personnel? It was just Jyn, Bodhi and a couple of programmers_. Cassian rolled his eyes and pulled out his sheriff's badge. “Is this enough authorization?” He smiled thinly.

Bodhi was naturally tanned but Cassian could have sworn he saw him turn a few shades lighter. “Oh . . . you’re Cassian, right? The boyfriend?”

 _Asshole. He knows we’re engaged._ Cassian glared at him. “Fiancé now.”

Bodhi eyed him up and down. “Oh yeah, yeah. That’s right. Left her, came back and now you two are engaged. Quite a whirlwind romance.”

Cassian stayed quiet, wondering how much of the story Jyn told Bodhi. She had signed a non-disclosure agreement with the Alliance, promising to keep quiet on the events that had unfolded in the Eadu Building in Los Angeles and the Scarif Tower in San Francisco.

“Yup that’s me. And let me guess, you’re the friend that didn’t stay in touch until you needed a job. Buddy, right?” Cassian was normally not a mean person but he was pissing him off.

“CASSIAN ANDOR!”

 _Shit_.

Jyn overhead him.

“You apologize this instant. That is no way to treat a friend of mine.”

“He started it.” Cassian grumbled. Jyn turned at Bodhi and caught him smirking at Cassian. “That’s enough out of you too!”

She closed her eyes, silently counting to ten. “Let’s start over. Bodhi, let me introduce you to my fiancé, Cassian Andor. He’s a deputy for the Sheriff’s department in Douglas County.” She added pointedly, making sure Bodhi was aware that Cassian carried a gun on him at all times.

“Cassian, this is Bodhi Rook. My best friend from college. He’s my new software engineer and is helping me out a lot,” she said, putting emphasis on _a lot._ Making sure Cassian knew that if she didn’t have Bodhi to help her, meant more time she couldn’t spend at home with him.

Cassian frowned. Bodhi beamed at Jyn’s compliment. Cassian churlishly stuck out his hand. Bodhi looked at it and took it. “Good to finally meet you.”

However when Jyn’s back was turned, they both glared at each other.

* * *

_Present_

“Cass.”

Jyn’s voice nudged him back to the present. He and Bodhi got along fine now but it was a tenuous peace. As long as Cassian promised not to hurt Jyn, Bodhi accepted him as a friend. In turn, Bodhi agreed to keep an eye on Jyn, making sure that she didn’t overwork herself (which she tended to do).

“You good with Bodhi?” He looked down at her, her green eyes wide and pleading.

“That’s fine,” he mumbled. “Just stay out of trouble while we’re gone, okay?”

Jyn smiled impishly at him. “No trouble, Shara might hang out with us too.”

Cassian groaned inwardly. Every time Shara was around, there was bound to be trouble.

 


	4. unforgiven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn has a talk with Cassian. He has trouble coming to terms with his time in the military.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst you guys. Sorry, serious angst up ahead. Just to reassure everyone, their relationship is good though. FYI. Just angst.
> 
> Did I say angsty? ;-)

 

Jyn got their backpacks ready for their hike. Judging by which backpack she chose, Cassian could figure out if it would be a short one or a long one. The minute he saw the large backpacks, he figured it would be an all day event. 

“Vista Rock?” He asked. It was a six mile hike and one of their favorite spots. He smiled warmly, thinking of it.  _ A lot of good things happened at Vista Rock. Their first real kiss, when he told her he loved her after so much time being separated. When he proposed to her.  _

She nodded her head yes. She needed to talk to him and thought this would be the best place. 

They were quiet on their way up the trail, climbing over rocks and taking small shortcuts through densely forested areas to enjoy the scenery. By the time they got to the top, Jyn was breathing heavily. She had managed the hike better than her recent trips but she used to be able to do this trail with no problem at all, often times besting Cassian but ever since she was shot, her body was taking it’s time healing and she was a bit slower than usual. She hated it. She was so used to physical activity that not being at 100% frustrated her.

She spread out her picnic blanket on one of the flat rocks and sat down, enjoying the view of the turquoise blue lake. Cassian sat down quietly next to her, drawing her into him. This was how it was for them. These moments of peace where neither felt the need for conversation and just enjoyed the time together. 

“A lot of good things have happened up here,” he commented, his voice quiet. 

Jyn turned to look at him. “You asked me to marry you up here,” she replied, her hand twisting her engagement ring. She remembered that day, that week as if it had just happened. 

* * *

 

_ Fourteen months ago _

She stared out at the lake, her body vibrating with anger. It was hard for her to get mad at Cassian but today she was fucking pissed. Hurt. Angry. She tried to catch her breath - she had nearly ran up here, needing to get away, trying to burn out the fury she felt.  

The Alliance had spied on her. When she was in college, when she moved back home, at work, when she was at the gym. She winced as she thought of her college years, wondering what exactly Cassian saw. The endless nights of drinking that first year, the boys she had made out with, boys with brown hair and brown eyes. Boys that resembled Cassian but could never be  _ him.  _ She could never go further with them , had never been able to take that next step, always thinking of Cassian. She remembered the conversations with Bodhi crying over him, crying at how broken she was. The nights she spent, lonely, focusing all her efforts on her studies because she was so heartbroken. She graduated in three years top of her class not because she was a genius but because her heart was broken and she had buried herself in her schoolwork, trying to forget him.

“Jyn.”

She tensed.  _ How did he find her?  _ She wanted to be alone. She looked at her phone, sighing. He must have used that tracking app on her when she had left Kes and Shara’s. 

_ They had gone over there for brunch  to welcome them back from their long postponed honeymoon and Melshi and Kay had been there. They were all talking, having fun, when Melshi - who had a few too many bloody marys - asked Jyn out of the blue if she was hungover. She self consciously patted down her hair - why would he ask that? Then she looked down at her sweatshirt - it was an old, ratty MIT sweatshirt - one she affectionately called her hangover hoodie.  _

_ “Of course I’m not hungover Melsh - why would you even . . .” _

_ She stopped short. How did Melshi know this was her hangover hoodie? She hadn’t worn it since college. Melshi had never seen it before. _

_ Memories hit her like a flash of lightning. Cassian “finding” her, Kay talking about her GPA, the Alliance knowing the code behind an energy device she had patented. She knew they had kept tabs on her but she thought it was simple tracking - key word scans through her emails, social media accounts. But this - THIS - Melshi knowing her sweatshirt - they must have had cameras, listening devices on her.  _

_ They spied on her.  _

_ The kitchen had gone from laughter and chuckles to eerily quiet. She looked at Cassian, her green eyes filled with betrayal. She had seen so many emotions in Cassian’s eyes over the years - she had known him forever. But the look in his eyes - the guilt was too much. She glanced at Kay who had the good sense for once in his life to keep his mouth shut.  _

_ “You spied on me?” She said, the betrayal and hurt evident in her voice. He looked down, his silence an answer. _

_ “How could you, Cassian?” She told him, angrily. “How could you? What kind of person . . . how could you leave me and then spy on me? Why could you see me and I couldn’t see you?” She cried out. “Did you know how fucking hard it was not being with you?” _

_ She was having trouble breathing. It had been so long since she had a panic attack but she could feel one coming on. She needed to get out. Be outside. She shook her head at Cassian, her eyes watering with tears and turned to run out the door.  _

_ “Jyn, wait!” He tried to grab her arm but she yanked it away from him. “No. I can’t Cassian. This is too much. Just leave me alone.” _

_ He quickly pulled his hand away from her, shocked at the ferocity of her words. “Jyn . . . please,” he begged.  _

_ She looked at him sadly before turning and running out the door. He moved to take off after her but Kes held him back.  _

_ “She needs some time, Cass. Just let her go.” _

_ He stared after her retreating back, running away from the house. “I should never have done it in the first place,” he said softly.  _

 

“Jyn.” Cassian’s quiet voice interrupted her thoughts. 

She stayed quiet, refusing to look at him, instead turning her gaze towards the lake. 

He hopped up on the rock she had been sitting on, carefully putting some distance between them. She had hit him once before out of anger and he had ended up with a black eye. He was trying to avoid getting another one. Her small hands packed a mean punch. 

“I’m sorry, Jyn. I should have told you but everything happened so fast when I found you again and then when you were shot and your recovery. It feels like it was just yesterday when you nearly died in that hospital room. I . . . never meant to keep this from you, I swear.” His voice broke off, trembling. 

She glanced over at him, his chocolate brown eyes filled with regret. She looked back towards the lake. “It’s . . .  not so much not telling me, Cass, it’s . . . .” 

She was having a hard time voicing her thoughts. She wanted to yell at him, scream at him that this wasn’t NORMAL. That spying on his ex girlfriend whom he just upped and left was fucking crazy. But she held it back. She knew. She just knew that his time in the military and working for the Alliance was a time he’d rather forget and yelling at him wouldn’t do any good. Wouldn’t make it right.

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, avoiding looking at him and keeping her eyes on the lake, trying to find answers in the calm, blue waters. 

“Cass . . .  I just . . . I know, I know there’s things the Alliance did - does,” she corrected, “all for the sake of national security. But I  . . . I just don’t get why they would have to spy on me. That’s my privacy. I mean, you had cameras in my dorm room for crying out loud,” she ranted, trying hard to not get mad again but failing miserably. 

He scooted closer to her. “Jyn,” he said, softly. “Look at me. Please, just look at me.” 

She looked at him, still frowning. Her green eyes eyes were shiny from tears that still threatened to spill. 

“I didn’t want to. I tried to fight it. But Draven . . . he was worried. None of us knew why the Empire was after you. The only way we could figure it out is if we kept an eye on you, see if the Empire was still following you. Once we found out about your dad, I tried to call off the surveillance but then we thought your dad might try to send you a message, or that the Empire would use your dad to get to you.”

She shook her head. It made sense. But just because she understood still didn’t make it right. 

He inched closer to her, wrapping his hand around hers. “Jyn . . .believe me, do you know how hard it was to see you on that screen, day in and day out and not being able to talk to you? To touch you? To hold you?” He blinked hard, remembering that first year. 

“I hated that year,” Jyn whispered. “I was so lonely and hurt. I hated you for leaving but I missed you so much.”

“I could still feel you Cass. As if you were with me. I couldn’t let you go.”

Cassian bit his lip. The year after he left had been just as bad for him too. He remembered his first time seeing her on the screen, how real she looked, as if he could reach through the monitors and touch her. He remembered seeing her with Bodhi, how he made her laugh. His body tensed as he remembered another man in her room . . .

Jyn felt him tense up and saw the shuttered look in his eyes, his lips thinning out. She jumped off the rock, the sharp motion jarring him from his thoughts. 

“Cass . . . you . . .,” she hesitated, not knowing how to bring it up. “You . . . saw everything?”

He nodded his head, mute, unable to say what he saw, the memories still fresh of her in another man’s arms. 

Jyn winced. She thought of  . . . God, she couldn’t even remember his name anymore. Ryder? Rylan? She moved in front of Cassian, putting herself between his legs. He still had that distant look on his face. Not wanting her to know how much it hurt to see her with other guys. She gently cupped his face. “Cass . . .  you know there wasn’t anyone else right? I tried to move on from you. God, I tried,” she said, her voice shaking. “But I could never . . . no matter who I went out with or who I may have kissed, I could never do anything more. Because all I ever wanted was you. Nobody else was enough.”

He looked at her, nudging his chin into her hands. “But I thought, I saw you with him. Once he turned off the lights, I had to leave. I couldn’t stand to see you with him. With anyone.” 

She shook her head. “Nothing happened. When he kissed me - “

Cassian flinched, looking away. She grabbed his face, pulling it towards her, resting her forehead on his. 

“He wasn’t you. All I could think about was you. It’s always been you, Cassian. I never stopped loving you. Even when you left - I couldn’t stop. I tried. God how I tried. But it’s always been you. Just you.”

He slid off the rock and pulled her her tight into his arms. “I’m sorry Jyn,” he whispered, burying his face into her neck. “I know I’ve told you this before and I’ll probably always say sorry, but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry we spied on you, I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through. You’re IT for me, Jyn. Never anyone else, never  _ anything  _ else. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. You’re everything to me. Everything.”

He pulled her hand to his face, nuzzling his chin in her hand, kissing her palm then slowly, deliberately, moving his lips to her wrist. His forehead was still bent down to hers and he looked at her, with his beautiful brown eyes, eyes she fell into every day since she was eight years old. Eyes that told her a thousand stories - his hurt, his anguish, his guilt but most of all, his love. 

His next words stunned her. 

“Marry me.”

* * *

 

Present

“I had been wanting to ask you for so long. Even before Kes and Shara’s wedding. But I . . .  I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted to wait . . . and then that day, when you got mad at me and I thought for a minute I might lose you, I had to ask. I had to make sure you knew that you were it. That I was committed. That I wouldn’t leave.”

Jyn smiled. The minute he had asked her, she had completely forgotten what they had been fighting about and had kissed him senselessly, saying yes over and over against his lips. 

She looked down at her ring - shining in the sunlight. They still hadn’t set a date yet. Cassian moved like a turtle, slow, methodical. He was patient, he liked to plan. He liked the timing of things to be just right. But there was something holding him back. He had been quiet lately, moody. That’s why she had brought him up here. So they could talk and not have distractions - the phone, the TV, the computer,  _ life  _ interrupting them.

She took a deep breath and grabbed his hand, caressing a scar he had on his thumb. 

“Cass.”

“Hmm . . .” he murmured, looking up at her. He had unfolded his lanky body on the rock and had his head in her lap.

“Tell me what’s wrong.”

He stilled, his body going motionless. Immediately his mask came on. Jyn called it his spy face. When he wanted to pretend everything was all right and it clearly wasn’t. 

He didn’t answer. Rather than pretend nothing was wrong, he didn’t want to lie. 

“Cass,” she pleaded. “Talk to me.”

He turned his head, looking out at the lake. 

“Did you . . .” she paused, her body fearing the answer to her next question, “did you still want to get married? Every time someone asks about a date, you deflect. You answer a question with a question.” 

He looked at her and she could read it in his eyes. His fear. 

“I want to marry you and be with you so badly Jyn, it hurts. I’m so scared of losing you again.”

She was still confused. “Why would you think that? Why would you think you would lose me?” 

She remembered his nightmare from that night. Him tossing and turning, whimpering, saying  _ “Not Jyn. Not her _ .” “Does this have anything to do with your nightmares?” 

He froze.  _ Fuck - had he started talking in his sleep? His  nightmares, the faces of people he had killed, the spying, it all came back to him at night. If she knew . . . he would lose her.  _

“Cassian," she said, begging him. "Please. Tell me. I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”

He looked at her. Finally, really looked at her and what he saw broke him. She was scared. For him. For them. He was scaring her.

He ducked his head down. He couldn’t meet her eyes. 

“I . . . I’m sure you know some of the things I had to do for the Alliance, right?” He asked her. 

Jyn nodded her head, staying quiet. He hadn’t told her much but she had an idea. After Krennic had kidnapped her, Cassian, Kes and Shara had to . . . do some unthinkable things to get her back. But she understood. Had the roles been reversed, she would have lied, stolen,  _ tortured,  _  killed to get Cassian back. 

“Jyn . . .my time in the military, in the Alliance, I . . . you know, right? You know what I had to do? What my speciality was, right?” He said sarcastically. “Besides invading your privacy, I was very good at killing from long distances.”

She didn’t bat an eye. She knew. She had always known. But hearing him say it, hearing the self hatred in his voice. That’s what hurt.

“Cassian,” she pleaded, “Don’t. Don’t do this. You were doing what was right. You were . . . protecting people.”

He huffed. “I don’t know how killing an unarmed person is protecting people, Jyn.”

She shook her head angrily at him. “Don’t! You know. You know, Cass. Don’t do this to yourself.”

He got up quickly and started pacing, his body tense. He went up to her suddenly, boxing her in against the rock. “Jyn. I’m not good. I’m not a good person. Is this who you want to marry? Me? Somebody who killed for a living? Somebody who spied on you? Who was too much of a coward to tell you bye and left you without a word? Is this who you want?” He snarled out. 

She didn’t back away and stared at him, her gaze unflinching. “I love you, Cass. I loved you when you were a teenager and didn’t know how to handle your feelings for me. I loved the soldier who came back to me when I was eighteen and was my first. I love you as the spy, the man who saved me. I love you now, this kind man, who can’t see how he helps people now, how  _ good  _ he is.”

She pushed him back, snapping back at him. “So yes, of course I want to marry you, you asshole. I want all of you.”

He finally let his body go limp, leaning weakly against the rock. She rushed up to him, grabbing his face. “Cass . . . I . . . what is going on? What is bringing all of this on?” 

He looked up at her, his eyes watery. “It’s the nightmares. The dreams. It’s the same one, over and over. Where I kill your father and then I turn the gun on you and kill you.”

She was confused. “But you didn’t kill my dad, Cass. He sacrificed himself to blow up the satellite. His death wasn’t your fault.”

_ It wasn’t her dad he had killed.  _

He cradled his head in his hands, shaking it. “I know. I know but . . . it’s someone’s. The dream. The nightmare. It’s too real. I  _ have _ killed someone’s dad before and you losing your dad and you were right there, sometimes it mixes together and I can’t separate the two.”

He was trembling. He had to tell her. He couldn’t . . . he couldn’t keep this from her. She had to know who he was. 

_ That he was no better than the people who murdered his parents _ .

Jyn opened her mouth to tell him again that he was good but then he started talking.

“Remember when I didn’t come home with Kes - when our two years were up?”

Jyn nodded her head. She had been so hurt when he didn’t come home, thinking he didn’t want to be with her. 

“I was ready to leave. My bags were packed. I was going to go home with Kes.”

Jyn stayed quiet.  _ Then why didn’t you? She wanted to shout. You could have come home. We could have had more time.  _ But she stayed quiet, listening. 

“Then Draven called me into his office. The military had drafted me to work in Intelligence, gathering information on terrorist cells and  _ eliminating _ heads of those cells. But part of my data gathering led to an even larger organization, a group so large that it was making headways internationally across all countries - the Middle East, North Korea, Eastern Europe.”

“The Empire,” Jyn whispered. 

Cassian nodded his head, oddly proud that she would know that. 

“The Empire was trying to get cartels from Latin American countries on board. Colombia, Brazil, Venezuela . . . Mexico.”

Jyn stiffened at the last country he mentioned. 

Cassian swallowed, taking a deep breath. Jyn wanted him to stop, she didn’t want him to go through this. She knew where this was going.

“The cartel the Empire was recruiting from Mexico . . . the head leader? He was the same man that had my parents killed. Me too had I not hid.”

Cassian stopped - a far away look in his eyes. 

She finally spoke up. “Draven gave you an opportunity. To avenge your parents.”

He nodded his head. “Yes. But this man . . . they couldn’t have a country so close to the US border partnering with the Empire. So . . . it wasn’t just revenge. It was  _ national security. _ ” He said, a note of disdain in his voice.

“But yes, I was ready to go home, Jyn.  _ I wanted to go home. To you. _ But all I could think of, the last memory of my parents, was blood. All over the place. They were shot right in front of me and they were bleeding out. I remember the blood all over the floor, from their wounds. I remember blood coming out of my papa’s mouth. My  _ mom.  _ They shot her in the head.”

Jyn closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were wet, tears silently falling down her face. Cassian had told her, years ago, that they had been killed but not at this level. No wonder why he was a mess, why he was so scared when she had been shot. 

Why he still was. 

_ She remembered the acid taste in her mouth when she woke up from her coma in the hospital. The taste of blood. She thought she had bitten her lip or that her teeth had been damaged. It wasn’t until she cornered the doctor and saw her medical file that she had been coughing up blood, all the while bleeding to death from the bullet wound in her stomach. _

“So I told Draven yes, that I would do it.” Cassian continued, interrupting her thoughts. She wiped the tears from her face and inched closer to him, gently lacing her fingers through his hand.  

“I tracked him down to a resort in Mexico, vacationing with his family.” His voice heated up. “His family, Jyn! This cartel leader, who had killed dozens of people, was tanning on the beach with his family, drinking margaritas, not caring about all the lives he had wrecked.”

“So I waited. Patiently. I was supposed to do the job towards the end of his trip. He was going to go scuba diving with a tour guide and the opportunity would have presented itself. I could have sabotaged the tanks. Made it seem like a heart attack. But the weather was changing. A last minute storm was going to come in so I had to move up the timeline.”

“He was under heavy security at the resort so I had to wait until he did an excursion. Snorkeling. With his family.”

Jyn held her breath..  _ No. Please. Tell me you didn’t. I don’t think I can . . . _

“I killed him. Put a bullet in his head. Right in front of his son.”

She exhaled slowly.  _ For a minute there, she thought he had . . . _

Cassian looked at her, his eyes sad, as if he knew what she had been thinking. “In sniper training, they always teach you, no witnesses. Don’t leave any witnesses. But I couldn’t. His son was only fifteen. Barely becoming a young man. I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t kill him. But I killed his dad right in front of him.”

“That’s when I knew I wasn’t any better than the man who killed my parents. That I was a monster.”

He looked at her, expecting to see revulsion in her face. But what he saw stunned him. 

Understanding. Forgiveness. Love. 

That’s when he started crying. Sobbing for the man he had been, apologizing for the man he had become. 

Jyn hugged him tightly, fiercely whispering to him, “It’s okay, Cass. It’s not your fault. I understand. It’s okay. I’m here.” She rubbed his back soothingly. “I’ll always be here. I love you. I’ll always love you. No matter what, Cassian. I love you no matter what. I’m in this. All the way. Through good times and bad. ”

He lowered his head on her chest, feeling her heart beat wildly, her tiny arms wrapped around him, showing strength. He was exhausted. He had been carrying this burden around for years, fearing that she would hate him, wouldn’t understand when she found out. He felt like a weight had been lifted, that he could finally feel the sun on his back, could feel her warmth, her fire. 

They stayed like that for hours until finally he lifted his head up, noticing the sun was starting to set. It was a two hour hike back to the trail head. 

“We better head back,” Jyn said, gently, carding her fingers through his hair. She stared out at the lake, the setting sun turning the lake into various shades of blue. 

He looked at her and smiled, the corners of his chocolate brown eyes crinkling as if to wink at her. 

Jyn finally, finally felt relief. His smile . . . it was bright, full of life, full of promises that he would keep. 

He pulled her head closer to him to kiss her. “Let’s go home, Jyn.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All . . . right. Throw the sticks and stones. Sorry, didn’t mean for it to get so angsty. Blame Sorcie - she wanted a proposal scene and you got one, doll.
> 
> Next chapter is fluff - promise!
> 
> I hope the timeline in this chapter didn’t throw anyone off. Essentially, present time is about three years after Jyn getting shot. At the end of Caught in Between, it’s Kes and Shara’s wedding which I was a year to a year and a half after Scarif. Figured her time in the hospital and healing, etc. The scene in the kitchen with Jyn finding out the Alliance spied on her is right after their honeymoon, but let’s just say it was a delayed honeymoon. Also, this was before Bodhi started working for her, otherwise, ideally, he would have been there too and I couldn’t have him there because . . . well . . . he’s a civilian and doesn’t know about this secret government agency (which is definitely addressed later).  I wanted them to have a long engagement but not too long where it was ridiculous. Anyways . . . sorry . . .this is what happens when it takes you nearly a year to write a fic.
> 
> Thanks aewgliriel for helping me out with the chapter summary! Realized I was about to use this chapter summary for Chapter 3 too so split up the summaries. #dork :-/


	5. Surprises and Disappointments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian works with Bodhi to surprise Jyn. Draven and Mothma argue over Alliance intelligence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fluff . . . and a little bit of plot. Tiny. Blink and you miss it.

He guided the man to take the rope, to jump over the swamp to get to his target but he missed, falling deep in the swamp where the alligator was waiting for him, quickly biting his head off.

“DAMNIT!” Davits Draven shouted at the monitor. His player died. “Stupid game,” he muttered under his breath, throwing the USB joystick to the side.

“Sir? Are you okay?” Alliance agent, Kay Tueso called from his office door. Draven turned around fast. _Shit he was getting old. He didn’t even hear the clunky Tueso sneak up on him._

“I’m fine, Tueso. What do you want?” Davits Draven quickly switched to a different screen but not before Kay saw what he was doing. The Alliance’s top spy, top commander that oversaw all intelligence for the United States was playing Pitfall. 

Kay ducked his head into his hand, faking a cough, trying to suppress a smile. He knew it! That’s what the old man did when things were quiet. Play old Atari games.

“Tueso, what?” Draven barked out at him. He had better things to do. Like collect the treasure. He was so close to a perfect score but the damn money bags kept evading him.

“Uh . . . Senator Mothma called from the House Intelligence committee. She’s sending a rep from Washington for a data collection.”

Draven shot up. “What? Why the fuck do they want our data? It’s classified. They can’t have it. Technically the Alliance doesn’t even exist on the budget books. Tell Mothma no.”

“Uh . . . sir? DC is already on their way here. They just landed at Fort Carson and will be here in an hour.”

SHIT. _What the fuck was Mothma up to?_ Draven had the luxury of not being in DC to handle all the politics, bureaucracy of the government. He fucking hated it. “Get Mothma on the line,” he growled out. “We need to have a conversation.”

* * *

 

“Bodhi . . .,” Jyn whined. “I’m exhausted. I want to go home.” She pushed the laptop away from her on the table. She didn’t dare look at her phone for the time. Cassian was going to have a fit. She had been having to go into work more often than usual this week and it was nearly ten in the evening. The drive home was an hour and half and Cassian being the worry wart that he was would most likely call in a sheriff’s escort to make sure she drove safely. She blew her bangs out of her face, sighing loudly.

Bodhi glanced at his phone nervously, checking a text. “C’mon Jyn. We almost have it. We just need to get the algorithm right and then the software will be ready to go.” They had been working on this program for months - it was a software for law enforcement, an interactive database that could provide some heavy predictive models on crime. With reductions in police forces across the country, the software allowed law enforcement to focus on specific areas that had all the indicators for violence. Hotspots. The software had actually been developed and completed but then Kes asked if she she could tweak it to where the feds might be able to use it to predict terrorist activity. There were too many bureaucratic ABC agencies that hid intelligence from each other and this would pull information from every single agency, private contractor and international databases.

She had been hesitant at first to do it. She . . . didn’t want to get involved, especially not after Eadu and Scarif. But . . .  the more she thought about it and wondered how her life would have been different, how it would have changed if this software existed years ago. Her papa would still be alive, her mama _maybe._ Cassian would never have left. Her family would have been _safe._ So she and Bodhi had been working on this on the side, while still keeping stride with their other tech developments.

She flopped down on the office couch dramatically, yawning. “C’mon Bodes - let’s just finish it up tomorrow. I’m the boss - you’re my employee. Let’s close up shop.” She poked him in the ribs, teasing him.

Bodhi twisted away from her, scowling. “Jyn! Focus. We need to have this done for that LEO training coming up. Kes was hoping to present it.”

Jyn growled. “Damnit Bodhi. Why do you always have to be my conscience?”

He looked up at her, shaking his head. “Somebody has to,” he grumbled, as he started typing furiously on the keyboard.

“Bodhi,” she whined. “C’mon, let’s just do this tomorrow. Cassian and I haven’t had sex in days. I’m dying here. If I get home too late, he’ll be fast asleep.” She pouted at him, thrusting her lower lip out and giving him heart eyes.

“Not gonna work with me, Erso. Also, put your libido away. Remember, I’m gay. Those green eyes don’t work on me the way they work on Cassian.” He glanced over at her, her eyes, big, green, unblinking. Like a sweet cat. He looked away quickly. _Yeah right before the cat pounced on the poor, unsuspecting mouse._

“Nope, not gonna work on me.” He looked at her again, her eyes still unblinking. Jesus she had no soul. She could win a staring contest hands down.

“Not one bit,” he muttered, going back to his computer screen.

They worked for a couple more hours until finally after Jyn’s sixth, exaggerated yawn, Bodhi finally called it quits.

“I really need to get my home office updated so I can work from home, Bodhi. This is getting ridiculous. You staying down here tonight or going back up the hill?” Jyn asked, while she shrugged on her jacket. She looked at the time and sighed. It was already midnight. She definitely wasn’t getting laid tonight. Cassian would be fast asleep and would have to get up for an early shift.

“Uh . . .Luke is in town for the weekend so I’m going to stay down here,” Bodhi said, a bit shyly. Jyn smiled. Bodhi and Luke made such a cute couple. Luke was so easygoing and helped offset Bodhi’s awkwardness.

“Okay, Bodes. See you Monday?” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and walked to her car.

 

Jyn entertained thoughts of Cassian on her drive home. Ever since their hike and their emotional confrontation, he had been doing better but there were still nights when she could tell he struggled. Mornings where he woke up and she could see the dark circles shadowing his beautiful eyes.

The good nights - the ones where he seemed to sleep peacefully, he would often reach for her in the night, as if she was his security blanket. She welcomed his touch, his cuddling. Anything to make him feel better. Sometimes he would wake up, startled but then he would lean in and bury his face in her hair, her scent, her softness, lulling him back to sleep.  

She hoped that one day he would heal. That they would both be healed.

Because for her, sometimes, the nightmares never stopped. She watched her mother die a painful death, saw her father heroically sacrifice his life for others, watched the man who beat her as a child, pull a gun on Cassian, threatening to kill him. Jyn herself, had nearly died.  

Yeah. Her nightmares never ended. She was just a lot better at hiding them.

But for now, being there for Cassian, _making sure he was okay_ , is what helped pull her through.

She could do this.  _For him._

 

* * *

“Davits,” Mon Mothma’s voice was tight, controlled. She knew she was in for a fight with Draven.

“What the hell is this all about, Mon? You know all our assignments are classified. MY data does not need to go to DC.”

Mothma sighed.  Draven didn’t understand the bureaucracy she had to deal with.

“Davits. Ever since the Transparency Act, Congress requires data from all its intelligence agencies. We’re required - by law - mind you - to furnish this information.”

“No.” Draven’s mind was made up. He didn’t care if they arrested him. DC was not going to have his data. _He didn’t trust those idiots over there to protect it._

“Davits, you don’t have a choice. I sent a team over there for the exchange and they’ll be accompanied by MPs. You want your team to get arrested? You want them to lose their careers over this?”

Draven realized being stubborn wasn’t going to work. He tried to appeal to her sense of morality.

“Mon,” he said, his voice soft. Draven the spy could switch roles like nobody’s business. “My agents - their livelihood, depends on us protecting them, their alias. I don’t trust anyone else with this.”

Mothma rolled her eyes. She could see right through his act. “Draven. I promise, everything will be safe. I have a top-notch cyber team. You have nothing to worry about it.”

Draven, realizing he wasn’t going to win this round, finally gave in. “You know Mon, I remember a time when you would fight for what was right and you didn’t care whose toes you stepped on. You truly have become a politician.” He shook his head sadly and hung up the phone.

“TUESO! Get your ass in here now.”

“Yes sir?”

“Activate Dawn,” Draven barked.

“Seriously sir?”

“Yes, now. Before those assholes from DC get here.”

Kay looked at his watch. “We don’t have much time, they’ll be here in thirty minutes”

“Whatever you can remove between now and then. Priorities are current agents in the field and assignments marked with level one clearance.”

Kay nodded his head and walked back towards the ops center. He began the process of copying data over for Draven’s lock safe and then erasing it permanently from the Alliance’s records.  In his years working for the Alliance, he had only initiated the Dawn protocol once.

_“Part of the agreement in the collaborative op with the international agencies to take down the Empire  was that we share the intelligence.”_

_Cassian raised his eyebrows. Normally the Alliance didn’t like to share. They must have wanted to hit the Empire hard._

_“I get it,” he said, nodding his head in agreement._

_“Cass . . . before I sent it to the other agencies, I destroyed all records of Jyn Erso.  Everything the Empire had on her, her family, I deleted. She’s . . . exceptional. But nobody needs to know that. Just us.”_

He looked at his watch. DC would be here soon. There was no way he would be able to erase everything and then have time to hack the server to erase the logs. He remembered Draven’s instructions - _active agents first, then past level one ops._ He shook his head. _Bloody hell._ He’d be lucky if he could get through all the active agents before DC arrived.

* * *

“Jyn . . . wake up.” Cassian was nudging her in her ribs.

“Umppphh. . .” she growled out. She looked at the alarm clock.  “Leave me alone. It’s too early.” She didn’t get home until nearly 2:00am, a traffic accident delaying her by nearly an hour.

Cassian patted her back - and not in a sexy-I-want-to-have-morning-sex way. It was more of a get-the-fuck-up-and-out-of-bed-now way.

“C’mon. Get up. I have a surprise.”

She sat up quickly. “What kind of surprise?” she asked, wide awake. Cassian was anything if not a “surprise” kind of guy.

“C’mon,” he said, tugging at her arm, like a puppy. Then he smiled at her, those big brown eyes finally full of light and she couldn’t help herself. _She’d follow him anywhere._

He marched her downstairs past the kitchen to her home office. That’s when she saw the surprise. Brand spanking new computer equipment, monitors, printers, two Mac Airs, a laptop the size of a file folder, a new ergonomic chair, Bose speakers, a small couch. It was a tech junkie’s wet dream.

“Cass . . . how did you even? How . . . I didn’t even notice yesterday when I came in.” She was shocked. It was all the equipment she had been wanting but just didn’t have a chance to buy or set up.

He grinned at her. “Bodhi gave me a very precise shopping list, in fact, he set up a shopping cart for me. I just had to buy it. Then I got Kay on Zoom to help set everything up.”

He nudged her forward. “Go on . . . turn on the monitor.”

Jyn powered the monitor up. A countdown clock automatically came up with a view of the lake in the background. Seventy days and counting. She looked up at him, confused.

“I . . . thought maybe in a couple of months,” he said, looking embarrassed, “to . . . you know . .  uh for a wedding? That . . . restaurant you like, the one with the view of the lake? I called and they have availability in November.”

She stayed quiet.

Not knowing what to do with her silence, he started rambling. “If you want to wait, or maybe somewhere else? I just . . . I know you wanted something small. Just friends and family.” He started backtracking. _Maybe he moved to fast? Did she want to wait? But he thought . . ._

He was so distracted in second guessing himself that he didn’t prepare himself for the strong bundle of _woman_ that rushed him and tackled him to the couch, scattering kisses all over his face, wrapping her strong legs and arms around his body.

“Yes, yes, yes. That’s perfect. I love it,” Jyn said excitedly, peppering his face with kisses. It’s not that Cassian wasn’t a thoughtful man - he was the kindest man she had ever known, but to do this for her, set up her office and find a place that she liked. Ugh . . . he was just too freaking perfect.  She couldn’t love him anymore.

She was still on top of him, enthusiastically kissing him all over his face, when he leaned up all of a sudden and grabbed her face, pulling her in for a longer, deeper kiss. She sighed against his mouth, melting against him, her tongue sweeping over his teeth and then gently nipping at his bottom lip.

“Hmm . . . this couch is pretty comfy,” he said, shifting his legs so Jyn ended up straddling him. “We could -- you know -- break it in?” He asked, slyly, running his hands under her shirt, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake.

_Oh thank God, Jyn thought._

“You don’t have to to tell me twice,” Jyn said, as she hovered over him. “You just have to come up with a good excuse to tell my uncle -- your boss -- why you’re late this morning.” She winked at him as she took her shirt off and settled on top of him, arching her body against him in all the right places.

All thoughts of work and being late immediately left Cassian’s mind as he stared at her, her green eyes shining with light,  thinking he was the luckiest guy in the world.

 


	6. I got a bad feeling about this . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian prepares for his upcoming trip.

“Are you all packed?” Jyn asked, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist. He had been procrastinating packing and both him and Kes were leaving that afternoon for their law enforcement conference. 

Cassian muttered something unintelligible. 

“Say again,” she said, squeezing him tighter. He turned into her arms, resting his chin on her head.

“I don’t want to go.” He said, his voice flat. He hated to leave her. It was their first time being separated from each other for nearly three years. He didn’t like her being alone. He . . . he couldn’t describe the feeling he had. For so many years, he had made sure she was safe. Even when he wasn’t there in person, he always knew where she was.  But him being gone - even though it was two weeks - he just hated to be away from her.

She pulled away, looking at him. “Cassian,” she said, her voice soft. “I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.” She cupped his face, drawing it down to hers. “Why are you so worried?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. His time in the military and working for the Alliance had made him paranoid. Too paranoid.  He always worried about her. When she drove down the mountain to her office, when she was running late. Fuck - he even worried when she went on her morning jogs. It was always worst case scenario for him.  He knew she was safe now. The Empire was destroyed. All records of Jyn Erso and her brilliance had been destroyed. But it was hard to erase years of constant vigilance over her.

“Cass.” Her voice was firmer now. “You need to lighten up. I’ll be fine.”

He buried his face in her hair, inhaling her scent.

“I just . . . I have a bad feeling,” he murmured. “I know I shouldn’t. I know . . . we’re  _ safe _ now but Jyn, I . . . I’ve been with you every day since . . .”

Her hold on him tightened. In the early days after she had recovered from her injuries, they didn’t talk much about what happened or how everything had come to that point. She had wanted to move forward. She was so tired of the past hurting her -  _ hurting them - _ that she was done. She wanted nothing but happy, positive times ahead. But sometimes, she knew, the nightmares dragged them both back.

They never talked about her father building a weapon of mass destruction, about the Empire tracking her, about the Alliance spying on her.

_ Well they did talk about that. _

Cassian never told her the depth of evil that the Empire was capable of. The war crimes that had been committed, the human trafficking. The drug smuggling. Arms dealing.

But she knew. She always had an idea. So she understood why he worried. Which is why she hadn’t protested when he wanted her to sharpen her fighting skills. Shara had taught her how to fight but Shara fought . . . dirty. Cassian taught her how to fight strategically, to look for windows of opportunity, to disengage with the least amount of injury. She actually enjoyed their playful sparring matches - which often times led to them making out and then Cassian getting irritated because she wasn’t taking it seriously.

 

_ She was laying down on the couch, scrolling through her iPad, checking out her secret Tumblr profile that she created because she wanted to look at silly cat pictures. She looked up at Cassian and caught him staring at her, his face somber. _

_ “Why the sad face?” she said, playfully poking him with her toes, trying to make him smile. _

_ Cassian had been doing research, reading reports for work, noting a few violent arrests. He looked up at Jyn and saw her so relaxed, her face scrunched up as she tried to hide the smiles from looking at those cat pictures he caught her looking at on Tumblr.  _

_ He never thought he could be this happy. But a part of him knew that it wouldn’t last. That she could be taken from him far more easily than she had come into his life. _

_ And that thought scared him to death. _

_ She needed to be aware. She needed to know how to be safe. To fight right. To protect herself. Shara had taught her basic self defense and he had seen her take down two men. _

_ She needed to learn to take down a hundred. _

_ “You need to learn to fight.” _

_ Jyn scrunched her face at him. “I already know how to fight. I can take you down, can’t I?” She grinned at him, pretending to throw a fake punch, which he caught and then bent to kiss her fist. _

_ “You need to learn to take down more. Just in case.” _

_ Jyn stilled. This was the most he had ever mentioned, of worrying about her. For her safety. _

_ “Cass,” she said, a sad smile on her face. “We’re fine. We’re safe now.” _

_ He sat up sharply, pulling her to him. “Jyn,” he said, urgently. “I’m serious. You need to learn. To protect yourself. I can teach you. Shara taught you brute force. I can teach you the finer points of fighting. How to take men down twice your size.” _

_ She stayed quiet, contemplating. “Sooo . . . I could learn to take out Kes?” _

_ Cassian bit back a laugh. “Yes, my love. I can teach you to take down your cousin.” _

_ “Shara too?” _

_ He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think anyone can ever take Shara down.” _

_ She pursed her lips and then gave him a mischievous grin. “Okay. I’m in. As long as I get to practice on Kes.” _

  
But that was then. They were safe now. 

“Cass. We have nothing to worry about it. I’ll be fine,” she reassured him. He reluctantly stepped away from her, going back to his packing, a scowl still on his face.  

“You’ll stay close to home?” He asked her, hesitantly, trying not to be like -  _ ugghh - he sounded like one of those stupid macho boyfriends that wanted to keep the woman at home because she couldn't protect herself _ . “Your office - with your equipment, you could work from home?” He asked, his voice hopeful.

Jyn bit her lip. Shit. He really wasn’t going to like what she had to say next. She could just not say anything. Technically she wouldn’t be lying. She would just be . . . omitting. But with her damn luck - he would be tracking her phone. 

_ At some point they needed to have a conversation about boundaries.  _

“I’ll stay close to home,” she said, reassuring him. “Bodhi’s going to come up and work here so I won’t need to drive down the hill - ”

Cassian breathed a sigh of relief and resumed folding his shirts into neat piles and placing them in his suitcase.

“ - until next Thursday. I have to drive into . . . San Francisco.”

He immediately stopped packing.

Jyn braced herself.  _ This was not going to end well. _

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was dangerously low.

She stayed quiet.

“Jyn.” Now his voice was at warning mode. She knew the different baritones. The sexy rumble when he was trying to sweet talk her. The fast paced speech when he was trying to get out of something. The low, accented tone when he was mad. This usually prefaced his raised - not shouty - but certainly angry tone. The tone he took before he was about to explode.

“I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t realize that the appointment was scheduled for when you would be gone and I couldn’t reschedule. Dr. Kalonia didn’t have any other availability.”

He eyed her warily. “I’ve always gone with you to your check-ups.”

Every since she had been shot, she had to go once a year for check-ups on the injuries she had sustained to make sure there wasn’t any lasting tissue or bone damage. She had broken her ankle and while she could hike, walk, run miles, she still had a slight limp. Dr. Kalonia had mentioned the possibility of surgery to straighten out the bone with a metal rod which she had desperately hoped wouldn’t be the case. Cassian always accompanied her and it was such a drain emotionally for both of them, him still feeling at fault and Jyn still trying to deal with the trauma while also not wanting to worry Cassian. She had been relieved when she realized he couldn’t go with her this year. But she also hated, absolutely hated going to San Francisco.

That relief didn’t last long.

She stayed quiet, hoping he would let it pass.

“Jyn!”

_ Okay, now he was at his angry tone. _

She briefly thought of fighting back with him but realized that wouldn’t get them anywhere.  _ Okay - let’s see if sad, pouty eyes will work on him. _

She moved to him slowly, eyes wide open, and blinked at him, pouting. “I’m sorry, Cass,” she said. “I honestly didn’t pay attention to the dates. Plus, everything has been fine every time we’ve gone. I’m sure it’ll be fine now.”

He grabbed her wrist, rubbing his thumb gently over some of the scars that never disappeared.

_ He remembered running to her room. She looked so small, so frail in the big hospital bed. She had a black eye, her chin was bruised. He noticed the scrapes on her arms, the cuts on her wrist from being bound, her ankle was in a splint. On top of all that, she had so many tubes attached to her. The ventilator hissing quietly in the room. He had to tamp down the rage. He wanted to kill every single person that worked for the Empire. _

He looked at her closely, her green eyes pleading with him not to make a big deal. He didn’t know why he was so emotional today. He tipped his forehead down to hers. “You’re sure you’ll be okay?” He asked, his voice gentle now. 

She nodded her head against him.

He took a deep breath. “Okay. But please, be careful. And call me as soon as you’re done.”

“I will. I promise.”

He hugged her tightly to him, trying to absorb as much of her as he could before he left.

“Oh God - get a room you two!” Came a snarky voice from their doorway.

_ Kes. _

“We are in a room. Our room. Get out, Kes,” Jyn hissed at him. 

“I thought you took his key away from him,” Cassian muttered against her neck. 

“You think that’s gonna stop him,” Jyn replied. “He has no sense of boundaries.”

“Uhh hello, I’m right here you guys. Don’t talk about me as if I’m not here.” Kes took a drink of his coffee, hiding a smile. He had already helped himself to a cup of coffee and some snacks. These two were so into each other neither had heard him rummaging around in their kitchen.  _ Draven would be so disappointed to find out Cassian was losing his spy-ness. _

Jyn peered over Cassian’s shoulder, glaring at him. “Kes! I’m about ten seconds away from knocking you on your ass. Get out! You guys aren’t supposed to leave for another two hours.” She had plans for those two hours. Something her big cousin didn’t need to hear. Or see. Or know about.

“Sorry lil cuz. We have to leave soon - traffic accident on the road so we have to go around the back way down the mountain. I’ve been texting you two but you’re both ignoring your phone.”

Jyn growled, untangling herself from Cassian’s arms. Damnit. She was looking forward to one last romp with him before he left. She had been enjoying his cuddliness lately. Not that she minded it before, but lately, it just seemed any touch from him would get her all hot and bothered. She sighed deeply.  _ Two weeks. I can handle this.  _ She felt a twinge of guilt. Here he was, worried about being gone for fourteen days, concerned about her safety and she was more worried about getting laid.

She gave him a questioning look, as if to ask him if he was really okay and he responded with a curt nod of his head.  _ I’m fine.  _

“Let me get you some coffee for the road while you finish packing,” she murmured to Cassian. She turned to leave the room, pushing Kes none-too-gently, into the door frame. 

“Ow!” he cried, rubbing his shoulder. “I’m going to sic Shara on you,” he threatened. Jyn snickered. Shara would probably pay her to do it again. 

Cassian eyed Kes, a frown on his face. “How did you find out about the accident?” He glanced at his phone. Normally all road closures were sent to the Sheriff’s department and he didn’t get a notification. 

Kes shrugged his shoulders. “Got an alert? You didn’t?” Kes was no longer officially affiliated with any law enforcement agency however he had convinced his dad and Cassian that he should still be subscribed to LEO alerts in case of any incidences. With his and Shara’s security firm, they had several contractors working for them at the county and state level so it made sense.

Cassian shook his head, tapping out commands on his phone. All his settings were correct. Maybe he just needed to reboot his phone? He huffed, throwing his phone on the bed. He probably just had to do an update.

He put the last of his clothes and his shaving kit in his suitcase, looking at their bedroom, taking a deep breath.  _ Everything will be fine, he chanted to himself. Everything will be fine.  _

Cassian smoothed out the scowl on his face, turning to grin at Kes.

“Ready?” Kes queried him.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

He walked downstairs where Jyn had a thermos of coffee for him. He hugged her tight one last time and kissed her. Hard. She responded enthusiastically, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Oh my God you guys, can you just stop already? My eyes!”

Jyn took one of her hands off Cassian’s neck and flipped him off.

He pulled away from her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I’m going to miss you,” he said, staring at her intently. “Be careful, okay? No bad decisions with Shara or Bodhi,” he warned. 

Jyn grinned. Whenever the three of them were together, they were great at making bad decisions.

With one last parting glance, he left.

 

 


	7. Fissures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kay makes a discovery. Jyn's doctor's visit doesn't go as planned.

_Colorado_

Kay Tueso hated paperwork. Abhorred it. Everyone in the Alliance operations center knew to never give him a piece of paper. Which is why he glared at the office manager when he dumped mail on his desk.

_Mail!_

He stared at the offending envelopes. Why on earth would _mail_ of all things come to him at the Ops Center? It must be a mistake. The likelihood of the new officer manager making them were very high. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, to Kay’s observations.

So Kay ignored it. Or at least tried to. But it bugged him. His desk was spotless. Clean. Not a paper, a post it or paper clip in site.

He strummed his fingers against the desk, his leg twitching.

_Oh holy hell. Fuck it._

He grabbed the pile and looked at it. There were about fifteen envelopes. All the same size but addressed to different people.  They were those stupid notices that credit card companies sent when they had a breach. He flipped through the envelopes, frowning. He didn’t immediately recognize the names although they seemed oddly familiar. Then a name popped out at him and his heart stopped.

_Joreth Sward. Cassein Willix._

_No. Kay thought. No. No. NO!_

Then he looked at the other envelopes. At the names. Now . . . he recognized them.

They were the aliases of Alliance operatives.

Their data had been hacked.

* * *

The time flew by with Cassian out of the house. She was getting ready to drive into San Francisco for her doctor’s appointment when she got a call from Bodhi.

“Jyn - hey!”

“Is everything okay at the office, Bodhi?” She had decided to keep Cassian’s mind at ease and worked from home while he was gone. She knew he didn’t like her driving down the hill and even though it was early fall and not snowing yet, he still worried about inclimate weather conditions.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. Just wondering if you wanted me to go with you today?” Bodhi asked, his voice a little bit too innocent for this time of the morning.

Jyn tensed up. Bodhi didn’t know _everything._ He didn’t start working for her until last year but it was hard to hide the fact that she had been shot and was still recovering so she had chalked it up to being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Damn Cassian for probably telling Bodhi to go with her. This was his way of getting back at her for not telling him about the appointment.

“Nah, Bodes. It’s okay. I can go by myself. Besides, need you to finish working on Sparky.”

Bodhi groaned. “Jyn. I hate that name. Can’t we find something cooler?”

“Sparky” was a device Jyn had created in high school that absorbed elements of the weather to provide energy.  She had patented the device and was shocked - _although she really shouldn’t have been -_ when she found the government had taken her device and turned it into a weapon.

She had made an agreement with Draven that they could keep the prototype but she wanted the patent back so she could work on enhancing the energy source. Draven gave it back but pulled a total toddler move and refused to give her the code the government had added to amplify and stabilize her device. So she was back at square one. Right now, the device powered up their home but she was trying to expand its breadth. The goal of her start up company was to provide the technology for clean energy and while they were making progress, she damned Draven and Kes every day for giving her side projects to work on for them.

“Well . . . think of a cool name and I’ll consider it,” she replied airly.

She could literally feel Bodi rolling his eyes at her.

“So . . . how about I have one of the programmers work on it and I go with you? We can get lunch, have a drink, come back, have dinner with Shara, drink some more.”

Jyn sighed. Bodhi wasn’t going to give up. She was going to have to play hardball. While she didn’t mind the company, she really wanted to be alone today. San Francisco always dredged up horrible memories for her (and stupid Los Angeles too), and she needed time to herself to just think. To get those fucking memories out of her head, lock them away and never bring them back.

“Bodhi,” she said, sweetly.

Bodhi instantly went on alert. She only used that voice when she wanted something or right before she thre-

“Who are you more scared of? Me or Cassian?”

Right before she threatened him.

“Uhhh . . . well . . . come to think of it, I don’t think the new kid knows how to program all that well, and given the . . . uh . . . sensitivity of the device, it’d probably . . . hmm . . . be better if I stayed behind and took care of it.”

Jyn smiled into the phone. Cassian may be licensed to carry a concealed weapon but Jyn was a force to be reckoned with.

* * *

 

Luckily she didn’t hit traffic until she actually got into the city. Dr. Kalonia left the hospital and had started her own practice since Jyn saw her last. Her offices were close to Union Square so Jyn frowned slightly when she realized how close the doctor’s office was to the Scarif building. 

_Just breathe, Jyn. Just breathe. You can do this._

She walked into the medical office, greeting the receptionist. They ushered her into a room, drawing blood, taking her blood pressure, temp and oxygen levels. Since Dr. Kalonia had been concerned about her ankle, they took an x-ray of that as well. The nurse left her alone in the room while she waited for the doctor.

Jyn was feeling antsy. She missed Cassian’s warm hand in hers on these visits. His quiet reassurances that everything would be okay. Funny how his fretting drove her crazy but being here, being in San Francisco, _alone,_ she realized then, how much she missed him. She gazed out the window. The medical office had a lovely view of downtown. Jyn was looking at the people milling around outside, shopping, watching people getting off the transit system. Her gaze flicked up to look at the taller buildings.

And that’s when she saw it.

A tall building with a triangular top floor.

She hissed. _The Scarif Towers._

She didn’t know how long she stood there, staring at it. It was such a beautiful day in San Francisco, clear and the sun was shining. It was almost as if the tower was floating in the clouds . . . harmless.

“Jyn.”

She could vaguely hear someone call her name.

_“Jyn. No. No. No.” She remembered seeing the sheer panic in Cassian’s face. She tried to talk - tried to tell him that she loved him. They had never said those words to each other. She knew she was dying. She could feel the blood seeping out of her, the darkness calling out to her._

_“Shh . . . honey. Don’t talk. Save your energy. Just stay with me.” He had pleaded with her. Everything hurt so much. She just wanted peace. No more pain._

_She felt someone shake her shoulders. Shara. “Honey, we need you to stay awake. Don’t close your eyes.”_

_But I’m so tired, Jyn wanted to say. I’m so tired. I miss my mama. I miss my papa. I just want to see them. One last time._

_“Kay, where’s the goddamn ambulance?” Cassian was shouting. Jyn’s tired gaze flickered to him._

_I need to touch him one last time. Before I go. I need to feel his warmth. He had always been a comfort to her._

_“Cass,” she had whispered, lifting her arm. Trying to touch him. “Cass . . . I . .  . “ But she was too weak, the darkness finally calling out to her and she closed her eyes, accepting death. Welcoming peace._

 

“Jyn.”

She was startled out of her reverie by Dr. Kalonia. She didn’t realize how fast she had been breathing. Her chest tightening up. She remembered bits and pieces about that night. Krennic’s gun trained on Cassian. His sneer right before he pulled the trigger. But she never remembered the _after_ until now.

“Jyn, are you okay? Do you need something? I have your anxiety meds.”

She stared out the window, speaking softly. “I didn’t realize . . . how close you were.”

The good doctor glanced out the window and paled. “Oh Jyn. I’m so sorry. We should’ve put you in a different room. . . It didn’t even dawn on me.”

Jyn closed her eyes and took a deep breath, exhaling. She firmly closed the blinds and turned to the doctor, a faint smile on her face. “It’s okay. I just . . . this is my first time to your new office. I didn’t realize it was this close.”

Dr. Kalonia carefully looked at Jyn. “I left the hospital. I had been in the ER for so long - it takes its toll on you. So many patients dying.”

She paused before she continued. “Jyn . . . you were my wakeup call.  I felt like I was losing my faith . . . my faith in medicine, in the power of healing. I had become hopeless.”

Dr. Kalonia took Jyn’s hand and rubbed it gently.

“I was ready to call your time of death. I looked at my watch, ready to call it. If it wasn’t for your boyfriend - fiance, now,” she corrected, smiling warmly at the ring on Jyn’s finger, “If it wasn’t for him begging and pleading for me to keep trying, you would have died.”

“And it would have been my fault for not trying harder.” She said, regretfully.

She grimaced thinking back to that night . . .

 

_We need an ER doctor stat. Patient, female, GSW to the upper chest._

_Dr. Kalonia raced to the ER when she got the page. Shit. Gunshot wounds like that were bad. Patients normally didn’t survive them._

_The EMT’s rushed the stretcher in and she immediately started barking orders, briefly noticing the two young men and the young woman, panic and grief in their eyes. The two men had short cropped hair, military stance. Cops. Some kind of law enforcement agency. The young woman was lean, muscled. Yep. Definitely law enforcement._

_She looked at the patient, blood all over her face, bruises on her body, her ankle hanging at an odd angle, cuts on her arm. Fury for the people who did this rose in the elderly doctor. What the hell happened to her? This wasn’t just a shooting. This was a beating._

_She listened to the EMT’s report of medical care. She had lost a lot of blood. A lot. They went to work, trying to stop the bleeding but the bullet was still in her. She tried to stop the bleeding. She tried to get the bullet out but her lung had collapsed. All she remembered was blood all over the place._

_Then she flatlined._

_“Defib. Now!” She barked at the nurses. She got her heart beating again. But only for a moment. Before she flatlined. They amped up the defibrillator again, pressing the paddles to her chest. Still . . . flatline._   
  
_She glanced over at the young woman’s family. Damnit. Someone should have closed the curtains. They didn’t need to see this. She saw the taller, muscled one wince when she used the defib. “Yeah buddy, try being in here with the smell of burnt flesh,” she thought._

_The flatline still held. She shook her head. They were too late. The patient had lost too much blood. She looked at her watch, ready to call time of death when she heard a keening wail come from outside, strong hands pulling at her arm. The other man, the leaner one, had broken into the room, tears streaming down his face._

_“Please,” he begged her. “Please. Don’t let her go. Please!”_

_His friend pulled him out of the room, the medical staff jumping when he slammed his fist into the wall._   
_She looked at these two men, the grief, rage and pain emanating from their face. She hated this part. Those left behind. She swallowed back a lump in her throat, her normally stoic nature affected by these two grown men crying._   
_She would try one more time. She believed in science and medicine. But tonight she would believe in God._   
_She pushed the paddles on her chest and pressed. Her flatline continued._   
_She put the paddles down. God wasn’t listening._  
_Then a miracle. A beep. A small one. And then another one after that._

_Dr. Kalonia felt something she hadn’t felt in ages._

_Hope._

  
Jyn listened quietly to the doctor’s story. She had read her medical file. Cassian and Kes had been so annoying in the hospital, refusing to leave her side. She had convinced the doctor to let her read the report when she was recovering in the hospital. She knew she had died. That her heart didn’t beat. But hearing the doctor talk, Jyn finally understood where Cassian’s fears stemmed from. He had watched his parents die. He saw her die. Almost in the same way - from a gunshot wound. She wiped angrily at a quick tear that had fallen.

Dr. Kalonia stood up, setting her tablet down on the counter.

“Okay young lady. Enough talking about bad times. How about we take a look at your injuries and see how everything’s going?” Like Jyn, Dr. Kalonia was ready to move forward. They both had enough of the past haunting them.

She let the doctor examine her, rotating her ankle to check mobility and looking at her scars.

“Your wounds have healed up nicely,” she commented. “Your ankle feels good - how’s the running coming along?”

“Good,” Jyn reported. “It’s not giving me any trouble.”

The doctor got a text on her phone. She frowned - briefly - then looked at her charts.

“I’m going to grab the x-ray and your blood test results. I’ll be right back.”

Jyn waited patiently on the bed. Dr. Kalonia was only gone for a few moments, before she came back in, a perplexed look on her face.

Jyn immediately knew something was wrong. _Shit - her ankle. They were going to have to do surgery._

“Doc, what’s up? You’re making a face.” Jyn wanted to get it over with. Just when she thought she could put the shooting behind her, she was now going to need surgery from the beating she had taken from Krennic and his guards. It was never going to go away.  

The doctor looked at Jyn, her expression unreadable. _It was as if Cassian gave her lessons._  

“Jyn . . . your test results. I have some news.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the flagrant use of flashbacks . . .


	8. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian's worst fear comes true.

  _Colorado_

 

Kay hurriedly walked over to Draven’s office, demanding to see him. The secretary told him he was in a closed door meeting.

“Well get him out - this is an emergency,” he demanded.

“I’m sorry Agent Tueso - he said absolutely no interruptions.”

Kay glared at her, wondering what happened to his older secretary. She would have let him in. She would have been grumpy about it but the old hag understood alliance emergencies.

Kay tapped his foot impatiently. Finally, tired of waiting, he barged past her and sharply knocked on his door, announcing himself. He didn’t wait for a reply, instead walking right in. Draven was at the back entrance to his office, murmuring in low tones to a figure he couldn’t see, that was already out the doorway. Melshi was standing behind Draven and to the naked eye, casually posed against his desk as if he was hanging out with his buddies. But to a trained soldier, to a trained agent, Melshi was anything but relaxed, his hand hovering right over his holster, his body poised, tense, ready to jump at the slightest threat.

Kay looked at the door - towards the hall leading to the exit of the building. A tall, large dark skinned man was in the shadows. Before Kay could see who it was, the man left quietly.

_Was that Sa-_

“Kay!”

Kay gave Draven a perplexed look. Then he shook his head - _right_ \- they had an emergency.

“We’ve been hacked.” Kay said, bluntly.

Draven continued to stare at Kay, raising his eyebrows.

“We?”

Kay rolled his eyes. Draven always considered the Alliance as being a separate agency from the government. So _we_ probably wasn’t a good choice of word.

Kay let out a deep breath, glancing at Melshi who eyed Draven carefully, his lips pursed in a slight frown. The shit was about to hit the fan.

“Washington.” Kay clarified. “Those idiots that work in infosec got hacked.”

Both Meshi and Kay noticed Draven visibly tense.

“How deep is the hack? Are we talking about directory data?”

Kay shook his head. “Level 1.”

_Fuck._

“Please tell me that ali-

Kay cut him off before he could finish, nodding his head.

“Credit card data for alias on Alliance operatives was hacked. The intruder then traced the social security numbers back to the real numbers of the operatives.”

_Oh this was bad, Draven thought. Really fucking bad._

“How many?” Draven asked, through gritted teeth.

Kay hesitated.

“HOW MANY?”

Kay and Meshi both jumped at Draven’s ferocity.

Kay handed him the list. Thankfully he had been able to delete most active operatives when DC took their data. It was the inactive ones he was worried about.

Right away a name jumped out at Draven.

_Damn._

_Shit._

_Fuck._

_This day just got worse._

He glanced up from the paper, worry in his eyes.

“Have you called Andor yet?”

Kay nodded his head. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of him all day. Tried Dameron too. Both aren’t picking up their phone.”

Draven frowned. “That’s not like them. What about Bey?”

“She’s not picking up either.”

Draven was getting desperate. Cassian needed to know he had been compromised.

“Jyn? What about Kes’s parents?”

Kay lifted his hands up defensively. “Want me to call the National Guard while I’m at it? What do you want me to say to Jyn? ‘Hi Jyn - long time no see. By the way, your fiance’s alias has been compromised and you’re most likely in danger.’ Cassian would shoot me - then kill me - if I upset her.”

Draven pinched the bridge of his nose, attempting to ward away the upcoming migraine. Different scenarios, different outcomes were playing in his head. He finally looked up at Kay, determination in his eyes.

“Keep trying on Andor and Dameron. If you can’t get a hold of them, then call Kes’s dad.” Draven turned towards Melshi who had already started raiding Draven’s weapons stash.

“Melshi - get a transport ready to Nevada. Kay - you need to dig into this hack. Find out where it originated and how deep of a dive they went into each record. Find out if it was just Andor’s aliases or others?”

Kay and Melshi hurriedly walked out of Draven’s office but not before they heard his final command.

“AND FIND ANDOR!”

* * *

 

Cassian kept glancing at his watch - only to find it wasn’t in its normal place on his wrist. Kes and he were attending the vendor demos and smart watches and phones had to be checked in prior to entering the exhibit hall. Due to the security and sensitivity of some of the software and weapons being demoed, the vendors didn’t want any information to get released.

He sighed. It had been a good conference and training but he was ready to go home. He wanted his own bed, his own home.

He wanted Jyn.

He had texted her earlier asking about her doctor’s  visit but her reply had been brief. Almost abrupt. He couldn’t respond back because he had to go into the vendor hall.

He glanced around the large room, trying to find a clock. It was nearly 8:00pm. She would be getting home from dinner with Bodhi and Shara about right now. He peered around the hall, trying to locate Kes. He finally spotted him, deep in conversation with a security firm. _Oh. This could take awhile._  He finally caught Kes’s eye and motioned to him that he was leaving, Kes absently nodding his head in response.

He retrieved his phone and watch and immediately turned it on. He breathed a sigh of relief when he noticed no new messages.

It wasn’t until he was halfway back to his suite that his phone started blowing up. With text messages. Missed call notifications. Instant messages from his private email account.

The last message is what got his attention.

_Joreth Sward called for you._

Which was a code.

One he and Kay had developed back when he was in the Alliance. A code that meant he had been compromised.

And that’s when Cassian Andor started panicking.

He rushed back into the vendor hall, ignoring the attendant calling out to him to get his phone. He spotted Kes and rushed over to him.

“We need to go. Now.”

Kes turned to him, about to reply with a smart-ass comment when he saw the look on his face. _No_. The last time he saw that look, Jyn . . .

He had to stop that train of thought. He couldn’t stomach it.  

“What happened?”

Cassian shook his head and whispered, “Not here.”

They both walked briskly back to their suite, him handing his phone over to Kes to see the texts from Kay.

_Fuck._

Cassian immediately threw his suitcase on the bed and started packing. He had tried calling Jyn’s phone and it kept going to voicemail. He tried the house phone and nothing. He knew she was going out to dinner tonight with Shara and Bodhi. He tried calling both of them and no answer.

_Please let her still be with them, he prayed._

Kes was on the phone trying to arrange for transportation back to Lake Tahoe. It was an eight hour drive and Kes was trying to get a flight. He didn’t know what would be worse at this point - an eight hour drive with Cassian driving like a bat out of hell, panicking the whole time or an hour flight with no cell communication.

He finally booked a flight and started grabbing his own suitcase to pack. Cassian came in his room and sat down on the desk chair, burying his face in his hands. He looked up at Kes, his eyes pleading with him.

“Can you call your dad, Kes? I . . . need to know she’s okay.”

“Yeah . . . of course, Cass. I’m sure she’s fine. You have security alarms, right? Jyn . . . she can take care of herself. Plus Shara is with her. Those two . . . I’d be more scared  for who tries to cross them.” He smiled at Cassian, trying to make him feel better.

It didn’t work.

Cassian shook his head. “Kes. Something’s wrong. The home phone should always ring over to her phone and it didn’t. Something’s wrong. I know it. Plus I can’t access our network from my phone. Jyn programmed all this in, I should be able to get in and I can’t.” He took out his phone again, turning it off and turning it back on, hoping it would reset. His hand was shaking as he tapped on the app, that would open up the security feed.

_Nothing._

Kes tried calling Shara. No response. Shara always picked up. _Something was wrong. Their phones. There was something wrong with their phones._

He picked up the hotel phone and called the Douglas County Sheriff’s office.

* * *

   
Even though Kerrick Dameron was _the_ sheriff for Douglas County, he still volunteered to work a night shift every now and then just to give the young pups in the department time at home with their kids or their wives. He was doing his usual patrol and noticed lights flying over the lake.

About to call it in - normally all law enforcement agencies around the lake would call in anything that required a helo transport - he was momentarily distracted when his radio went off. The guys on the team rarely used the radio, much preferring to use the instant communication app on their phones that acted similar to the radio.

“Dameron.” He called out into the mouthpiece.

“Pa. Pa.” It was Kes.

“Kes? What’s going on, son?” He sounded winded, as if he had been running.

“Pa. I need you to go to Jyn’s. We can’t get ahold of her and Cassian is going out of his mind, worrying.”

Kerrick couldn’t help but smile. He liked the fact that Cassian was such a guard dog over Jyn. It gave Kerrick a small measure of peace knowing that someone was always looking out for his baby girl.

“I’m sure she’s fine Kes. Randi and I saw her for breakfast this morning before she left for San Francisco. She texted us and told us she was back and going out to dinner with Buddy and Shara.”

“Dad,” Kes said, pleading. “You . . . I can’t . . _FUCK . . ._ I can’t explain but could you _please. Just go check on her_.”

Kerrick immediately pulled the car over and turned around. He didn’t hear it earlier but he did now. The desperation in Kes’s voice. The panic. _It wasn’t just Cassian that was worried._

“Going there now.” He said, firmly. “I’ll call you when I get there.”

Even though Kerrick was close by, he put a call out for two other deputies to meet him at Jyn’s house.

They arrived there at the same time, both pulling into the driveway quietly. He knew immediately something was wrong when he saw the house. It was dark.  Jyn always had the lights on - the porch light, kitchen lights. She always liked things to be well lit. Also, the front door was wide open.

_Shit._

He moved into a predatory stance, gun in hand, flashlight in the other. The two deputies mimicked him. Kerrick walked in quietly, going from room to room, clearing each one of danger. The house was a mess. Furniture had been turned over, lamps on the floor. He closed his eyes tightly when he spotted blood on the floor. There had clearly been a fight.

Then he heard a groan from behind the island in the kitchen.

He flipped on the lights and trained his gun on the figure on the ground, holding his side. It was Jyn’s friend, Buddy, half unconscious.

Kerrick’s emergency medical training kicked in. He shined his flashlight on the young man’s eyes. _Pupils looked good. No head injury._

Then he noticed the blood, the hole in the island.

_He had been shot._

He gently felt around the wound, breathing a sigh of relief when he discovered it was just a flesh wound. _He must have passed out. Blood loss got to the poor kid._

Kerrick tugged at his shoulder. “Buddy. Wake up. C’mon son. I need you to open your eyes. Focus.”

Bodhi blearily opened his eyes, taking in Kerrick. “Kes?” He blinked at him, confused. _Father and son looked a lot a like._

“No . . . I’m Kerrick. Kes’s dad.”

Bodhi blinked again, trying to comprehend his surroundings.

Then he sat up abruptly. _Jyn!_

Kerrick grabbed both his shoulders. “Where’s Jyn? Where’s my daughter?”

Bodhi fell back against the wall, shaking his head. “They took her. These men. There were three of them. _They took her. Why would they take her?”_ He started getting more and more distressed.

Kerrick could think of a million reasons why Jyn would be taken. He knew what had happened to her three years earlier.

He wasn’t supposed to know.

But he did.

Kes, unbeknownst to everyone except Shara, had a difficult time with Jyn’s shooting. He had blamed himself. He had made a mistake, putting his sniper rifle away and Jyn had been shot, _had almost died_. Needing to talk to someone, he tearfully confessed to his dad one night over a twelve-pack.

Kerrick wearily sat down at Jyn’s dining room table, bracing himself for his next phone call, his gut tightening. He was still in shock. He couldn’t fathom what had happened. Jyn was gone. Taken from her own home. He pressed the button on the phone, calling Cassian.

“Kerrick. Please tell me you’re with Jyn.” Cassian’s voice was wrought with worry.

Kerrick, the patriarch of the Dameron family, who had always been like a second father to Cassian since he was a young boy, the strongest one out of all of them, choked back a sob.  

Cassian knew - right then and there - that his worst fear had come true.

Jyn was gone.

* * *

Kerrick had secured the house, making sure no one could come in. He was waiting for Draven and Kay to arrive. Kes had given him explicit instructions not to call it in. While Kerrick ran a tight sheriff’s department, they couldn’t risk inexperienced officers damaging evidence. He sent his deputies back to the station, telling them he had to call this in to the feds. He then patched Bodhi up - _still calling him Buddy_ \- to which Bodhi had given up correcting him.

Bodhi sat quietly at the table _,_ thinking of what he could have done differently. He had tried to help. Even when Jyn told him to run, he tried to protect her, going after the man with the gun. _Shit. There had been a few men with guns._ Then there had been a struggle, a shot had gone off and the next thing he knew, Kerrick was there.

 _What the hell was going on?_ Kerrick had been whispering on the phone, glancing over at him, trying hard to be discreet but very obviously failing. Now they were waiting for some guy named Draven. Was he a cop? An investigator? Why weren’t the police there? He felt so confused, so helpless. _It was just too much._ He buried his head in his hands, fighting back tears. Jyn was his best friend and she was gone.

 

They arrived all at the same time. A reunion of sorts. Kes, Cassian, Kay and Draven. Kes finally was able to get a hold of Shara and asked her to wait at his mom’s house until his dad got there. Nobody knew what the hell was going on and he wanted to make sure his mother was safe. Cassian, already worn out, looking tired and weary, instantly paled when he saw the mess in his house. The broken lamp. The entry hall table had been knocked down.

“Any news?” he asked Kerrick, his voice shaky. He couldn’t believe she was gone. How could this have happened? _Again!_

Kerrick shook his head. Cassian’s face fell, his lips trembling.

Kes took one look at the overturned chairs, the blood on the floor, the broken lamps. _Well fuck._

He put his hand on Cassian’s shoulder, attempting to offer a measure of comfort. “She’s okay Cass. They . . .  whoever this is . . . there’s a reason.”

Cassian rubbed his eyes. _There were a million reasons she could have been taken.  Somebody wanted her._

He looked up at Kay. “Any ideas on who we’re dealing with?”

Kay shook his head. “I haven’t had a chance to dig into the breach. Once we found out, we’ve been in reaction mode. I know Jyn has a state of the art system - I would like to get online?”

Cassian shrugged his shoulders, waving towards Jyn’s office nook. His lip curled up briefly remembering how excited she was, smiling at him, when he showed her all her new equipment. He turned his back to the group, swallowing back a sob. He needed to get it together if they were going to get her back.

He turned, staring at Draven. “I thought the Empire was done, destroyed. What the hell happened?”

Draven returned his stare, his gaze unflinching. “You know as well as I do that you can’t completely eliminate the Empire.  We took down all the players. All the main ones. Either they were eliminated or they’re in prison. But business partners . . .,” he sighed. “I don’t know. We’re going to have to go through all the data, see if we missed anything.”

“Missed anything? You think?” Kes piped up, clearly spoiling for a fight. “How the hell did you guys not see this coming? You have eyes and ears all over the fucking world and you can’t even keep operatives in your own backyard safe?”

Draven was getting pissed. Between Cassian questioning him and Dameron’s accusations, he had it. “Listen Dameron . . .you left. You didn’t want to do _this_ anymore. So don’t fucking judge those that stayed behind to fight. You have no right.”

Kes got in Draven’s face. “No right? Jyn nearly died because of this fight. I was shot. Cassian was held at gunpoint. My mom and dad were in danger.” He pushed his finger into Draven’s chest. “Don’t you get on me for not fighting. I just chose to fight in a different way."

Draven angrily pushed Kes away to which Kes reared back his fist and would have slammed it into his face had a well-defined arm not shot out and grabbed his wrist, pulling his arm back.

“Okay _boys.”_ Shara Bey’s voice was loud, demanding and she was clearly not in the mood to fuck around.

She dropped Kes’s arm and positioned herself between him and Draven, separating the two of them.  

“Let’s calm the fuck down and figure out how to get Jyn back.”

She started barking orders. “Kay - get into the security system so we can see what happened.”

She turned towards Draven. “You. You use whatever fucking contacts you have in your shady ass world and find out whatever you can. There has to be chatter on this. There’s no way DC could have been hacked without some planning, some foresight.”

Then she looked at Cassian. His face was blank. He wasn’t even in spy mode, trying to hide his expressions. It was as if he was in shock, unable to process what had happened.

She walked over to Cassian, pulling him into a hug. “Cass,” she murmured. “Maybe . . . maybe you should sit this one out?”

He pulled back from her, his gaze suddenly focused and sharp. “No.”

“Good. Then maybe,” she motioned over to Bodhi, who was still sitting quietly at the table, head in his hands. “Maybe you should talk to Bodhi.”

Bodhi, who was an _outsider._ Bodhi who had no clue as to what Cassian, Shara and Kes did in their former occupation. Bodhi who looked so confused as to what was going on.

Cassian started walking over to Bodhi when he heard Kay tell Shara that he got into their security system.

He immediately went over to the monitors. Shara and Kes were already in there, waiting for him to hit play. Kay hesitated when he saw Cassian. He had seen some of the footage and it wasn’t pretty.

“Cass . . . maybe you should . . . maybe you shouldn’t see this.” Kes said, his voice hesitant.

He refused to answer, motioning for Kay to hit play. Bodhi, _even though he was there and knew how the story ended,_ got up from the table to watch.

“I didn’t know you two had a security system like this,” he murmured, more to himself. Cassian glanced at him, his gaze softening when he saw the look of despair on Bodhi’s face.

“Yeah, when you have a family like ours, kind of need it.” Kes muttered. Bodhi glanced quickly at Kes, his eyes widening in surprise.

Kay hit the play button on the video. The system was set to record any type of movement in the house and they watched as they saw the intruders break in, immediately going into the kitchen to disable the alarm.

Cassian watched their quick movements, lithe steps. _They were professionals. They knew exactly where everything was._

The video then turned to the porch, showing Jyn in the light, about to open the door with the key, Bodhi behind her, chatting away. Cassian was surprised she didn’t notice the house was dark. The house ran on her energy device so there was always a light on. He studied her face. He could tell she was half listening to Bodhi - that she had something on her mind.

He watched her step inside the house and that’s when he saw her freeze, turning to yell at Bodhi. But it was too late. Three intruders came out of nowhere and he saw Bodhi raise his hands in surrender, glaring at Jyn to do the same. He could tell Jyn was assessing the situation, eyeing the intruders, looking around the house for a weapon, her eyes settling on the entry hall table. She moved like lightning, pushing Bodhi out of the house, going for the table flipping the emergency switch and then all of a sudden the screens were bathed in brightness instead of the murky night light the cameras had provided. He saw her attempt to fight them off and smiled faintly when he saw her bite one. _Atta girl._ But then a second later, he cried out when he saw one backhand her, knocking her to the ground.

“I’m going to kill those mother fuckers,” Kes muttered.

“Get in line.” Cassian said dangerously, watching the screen intently.

He watched her fight, trying to get away and then she was on the ground, curling up to defend her body from a kick, clutching her stomach. Instead of going on the defense, _like she had been trained to do,_ she tried to shield herself but it was too late. One of the attackers used that to his advantage and knocked her down. She moved to get up but then they pulled a gun on her and she froze.

Cassian flinched when he saw her go down but the gun was the last straw. He bit back a strangled sob, abruptly stood up and walked away.

Kay hit the pause button, waiting for instructions from Kes. Shara moved to go talk to Cassian but Kes grabbed her arm gently, shaking his head sadly. “Let him go, Shar. He needs some time right now.” He nodded towards Kay to continue playing the video. They watched Bodhi being dragged back in and attempt to pull a gun from one of the attackers and then it went off and Bodhi stumbled back, bleeding. One of the intruders injected Jyn with _something_ and waited until she passed out, carrying her outside, shutting down the lights as he walked out.

Bodhi was shaking his head. “I don’t . . . I don’t understand. Why Jyn? Who? Why? I just don’t get it.”

Kes - whose temper was already at a boiling point - bit back a rude remark. _Fuck._ They couldn’t do their work with Bodhi here - he was an outsider. He didn’t know about the Alliance, he didn’t know about what they used to do. But they couldn’t let him go either. Nobody was safe.

Before Kes could explain, Bodhi, in a strange demonstration of violence, hauled Kes out of the chair and pushed him up against the wall.

Shara, surprised, watched carefully. She knew Bodhi was harmless and that Kes could easily take him but this was something Bodhi needed to hear.

“What do you mean ‘a family like yours’ Kes? What the hell is going on?”

Kes immediately poked Bodhi where he was grazed and he yelped, letting Kes go.

Shara bit back a laugh.

“Bodhi. We’ll explain everything later. Right now, we need to figure out where the hell they took Jyn and get her back.”

“In my estimation, the longer it takes to find a kidnapping victim, the percentage of them being unharmed is -”

“KAY SHUT UP! DON'T TELL ME THE FUCKING ODDS!” Kes shouted. He was done. That video, of them hurting Jyn, hitting her, injecting her with some damn drug. He was going to maim and kill every single person who laid a hand on her.

Cassian was oblivious to the turmoil around him. He didn’t even flinch when he saw Bodhi attacking Kes.

He should have taken Kay’s advice. He wished he never watched that video. He still had so many questions. How did they get in his house? How did they get past the security system?  There were too many things that didn’t make sense. He buried his head in his hands, trying to bite back the sobs that were threatening his body.

The biggest question he had, though, was Jyn. He had seen her take down three men with little to no effort. She should have been able to fight these guys off, even with the guns. Shara had trained her how to fight, he had showed her additional maneuvers over the years.

_So why didn’t she fight?_

* * *

“Kay,” Shara asked. “Can you get access to the outdoor cameras? I doubt the license plates are valid but let’s see if we can find anything.”

She turned towards Cassian, changing her tone. He was sitting on the chair, bleakly staring out the window. “Cass? We need to look around. Maybe they dropped something, some kind of evidence. Is that okay?”

He nodded his head, numb, barely processing what Shara said.

“Cassian?”

Bodhi.

“I . . .I’m sorry. I tried. I tried to help and I feel like I made it worse. If I didn’t go after them, maybe they would have left her alone. I don’t even know what they wanted. They didn’t ask us for money or my wallet. I . . . just. I don’t understand.”

“It’s not your fault, Bodhi.” Cassian said, his voice barely audible. “It’s mine _._ ” _I brought this into our lives. The Alliance. The Empire. This is all my fault._

Shara went upstairs looking for some kind of clue, evidence. The scene was too clean. With the exception of the downstairs area. _C’mon. Give me something._ She felt bad being in their bedroom, as if she was invading their privacy. She combed the bed, the carpet. Nothing. No fingerprints. No footprints other than Jyn’s.

She checked the bathroom. Nothing looked out of the ordinary.

“Hey.”

_Kes._

She turned to him. He had finally calmed down after his pissing match with Draven and fight with Bodhi.

She gave him a steady look. “You need to control yourself if we’re going to work as a team. You and Draven can’t be fighting like this. You need to have more patience with Bodhi. We need to be all in.”

Kes looked down, shamefaced. He ran his hand through his thick hair. When he looked back at Shara, there were tears glistening in his eyes.

“This is my fault Shara. I was the one that told Cassian we should go to that stupid training. If he was here, if _we_ were here, this wouldn’t have happened. They wouldn’t have had an opportunity. Our phones would have been on. We could have fought back.”

Neither of them said it. But they both thought it. Why didn’t Jyn fight back? It was as if she had given up. Had lost hope.

Shara cupped his face. “It’s not your fault, honey. The only people to blame are the assholes who took her. We’re going to find her, Kes. We always do,” she said, although her voice was sad.  

“Yeah but at what cost, Shara? Last time, Jyn died. She died Shar! You were there. What’s to say one of us won’t get hurt? You, me? My dad? My mom? Look at Cassian - he’s barely holding it together. What if something happens to _her?_ What will happen to him?”

Kes was openly crying now. Shara hugged him tightly, trying to soothe him. “Kes. Kes,” she murmured, breathing into his chest, looking down at the bathroom counter. “It’s okay. We’ll get through this.”

That’s when she noticed it.

The bottle on the counter.

 _No wonder why she didn’t drink at dinner._  

She pulled away from Kes abruptly and picked up the bottle, showing it to Kes.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” Kes’s eyes were wide. If she was . . . he didn’t even want to think . . .

Shara looked wildy around Jyn’s bedroom. Maybe Jyn was trying to get her hair to grow faster? Wanted more shine?

(Even though Jyn was never the vain type.)

She spied some papers on Jyn’s dresser, noting the logo from a medical office. She bit her lip, debating if she should pick it up.

“Shara,” Kes whispered, nodding his head.

She read over the paper quickly, a summary from Jyn’s doctor’s visit. The look in her eyes confirmed it.

“Shit.” Was all he could manage, setting the bottle of prenatal vitamins back down on the counter.

Now they knew why Jyn didn’t fight back.

“She’s pregnant,” Shara whispered.  

A voice from behind them interrupted their shock.

“She’s what?”

_Cassian._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes - slight cliffhanger. We'll switch to Jyn's POV next chapter.


	9. Breaking Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn receives surprising news. An event at home makes Jyn realize how much more she has to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a bit early than planned. Hated to leave everyone hanging after that last chapter . . .

_Jyn - Eight hours earlier_

“Well . . . doc. Lay it on me. Do I need surgery? Are there bullet fragments in me? What?”

A smile spread out across Dr. Kalonia’s face. “What? No! Don’t be silly, I removed the entire bullet. Also, your ankle is fine. No surgery.”

Jyn looked at her in confusion.

“Jyn . . . it’s your blood test results. I noticed your blood pressure was high so we ran some tests.”

 _Oh shit. She had a bad heart. Fuck._ Jyn was thinking of worst case scenarios.

“You’re pregnant.”

_Clearly she had a different definition of worst case scenario._

“Huh?”

“Jyn. You’re pregnant. That’s why your blood pressure was high. We’ll have to keep an eye on it to make sure you don’t get preeclampsia.

_Pregnant. How . . . when . . . where. ._

“Jyn? Jyn? Are you okay? I take it this is a surprise.”

Jyn stared at the doctor, confusion clearly written all over her face. “Uh . . .yeah. A big surprise. I don’t understand. I’m on the pill.”

Dr. Kalonia looked perplexed, shuffling through her papers. “You’re on the pill? Your medical records don’t indicate a prescription.”

Jyn blushed. “Uh . . . well I wasn’t exactly . . . umm . . . having sex when I first became your patient. When . . . after I healed and Cassian and I. I just went to a doctor close to home.”

Dr. Kalonia nodded her head, understanding. “Honey. The pill is effective but combined with other meds - it could counteract it. I  . . . didn’t know you were on it so some of the anti-anxiety ones I gave you to treat your panic attacks or the antibiotics to make sure you didn’t get an infection . . .”

“Oh.” Was all Jyn could say.

She asked Jyn a few questions, wrote a prescription for her blood pressure and prenatal vitamins and recommended her to an OBGYN. She was about fourteen weeks pregnant. Cassian and his cuddliness. Damn him.

Jyn rubbed her hand against her belly. She couldn’t believe there was actually _a human_ inside her. She walked to her car, dazed. A baby. She . . . couldn’t believe she was pregnant. They had never talked about kids. They talked about getting married, buying a home, their jobs but kids . . . had just never been brought up.

Both of their childhoods had been so screwed up. Cassian’s parents killed in front of him. Her father leaving, Krennic’s abuse, her mother dying.

Her breath hitched when she thought of her dad. She thought she had found him and he was taken away from her in a heartbeat, destroying the weapon he had been forced to build for the Empire.

_How in the world were they going to raise a child?_

She looked up at the sky, trying to find answers.

And saw the top of the Scarif Tower.

That’s when Jyn, who had successfully put the past behind her;

Who had been the strong one lately;

The one who hid her nightmares from the man sleeping beside her;

The one who kept Cassian from falling apart;

Now it was her turn to crumble.

Jyn’s lip trembled and she sobbed out, leaning against her car for support. She missed her mom and dad so much. She hated them for leaving her, for exposing her to Krennic. But she missed them. She wanted them to be with her through this - she wanted to see her dad hold his grandchild. She so desperately wanted more. But most of all, she wanted Cassian. She missed him. She wanted him to be healed, to not be fraught with nightmares. She wanted things to just _be right._

She stayed like that, crying, tears streaming down her face, staring at the tower. When she finally had no more tears left, had stopped shaking, she took a deep breath and eyed it one last time, hugging her stomach, trying to feel something, anything. Trying just to feel.  And that’s when she felt it. A slight hardening of her belly. _The baby._  

She closed her eyes - thinking of Randi. Of Kerrick. She missed her parents but she was lucky, _so lucky,_ to have had the Damerons _. She had a family. This baby would have a complete family. Grandparents. An aunt and uncle in Kes and Shara. Parents. Parents who stayed._

She stood up shakily, wiping her eyes, staring at the Scarif tower one last time.

She was done. Done hiding from the past. Done worrying about the future.

And for the first time that day, Jyn smiled. At the Scarif Tower. Because one good thing came out of that nightmare.  

Her and Cassian. _Them together._

And their child.

 

Jyn drove back home in a daze. She noticed Cassian had texted her asking her about the doctors visit. She was surprised he hadn’t immediately checked up on her. _His training must be keeping him busy, she mused._ She shot off a quick reply, trying to keep her eyes on the road. _She had to be careful now._  

She sighed . . .  thinking of Cassian. She wondered how he was going take the news. She was sure he would be happy if not scared? And that’s when she pictured it. Him holding a baby. One that looked like him with big brown eyes and a smile so bright that it could light up a city.  An ache in her . . . a tug of happiness pulled at her heart. It’s as if the good times were just right on the horizon, ready for her to reach out and take them and hold onto them tightly.

She wanted to talk to Cassian. Now. She didn’t want to tell him over the phone but she needed to hear his voice, his laugh, that little raspy chuckle of his. She tried calling him, using the bluetooth feature on her phone and it went straight to voicemail.

 _Odd. He always had his phone on._  She debated whether or not to call Kes. _Nah . . . better not. That would only make Cassian worry._ He’d probably try and take the first flight back home if she told him. If he fretted about her now, he was going to be a real pain in the ass when he found out.

Plus with her high blood pressure? Her lips quirked up at the thought. _Maybe she’ll keep that between herself and the doctor._ Cassian would really put her on a strict diet. She pouted thinking of all the foods the doctor told her to avoid. _Damn._ She could already feel the cravings kick in. Maybe they had already been there but she really wanted chocolate. And something salty. Maybe chocolate covered pretzels? Or those big fat pretzels from the mall, with cheese?  Then some ice cream.

She looked at the time on the car’s dashboard. She was almost home but then she wanted to stop at the drug store and pick up the prenatal vitamins the doctor had prescribed. Her dinner with Shara and Bodhi was in a couple of hours so she didn’t really need to snack. She could wait.

But some mint-n-chip and chocolate malted crunch ice cream sure sounded good right now.

Especially in a waffle cone.

* * *

She got back home in a rush, dumping the bags of junk food she bought in the kitchen and then running upstairs to get ready, throwing her purse on the bed. She put on a pair of jeans frowning as she tried to button them. They were supposed to be skinny jeans but not _super skinny jeans_.

Ughhh . . .  She wouldn’t be able to hide this for much longer. Dr. Kalonia had recommended waiting until she was sixteen weeks. _Just to be on the safe side, she had said_. Jyn bit her lip, thinking of that. She had only known she was pregnant for a few hours and already she couldn’t bear to think of anything happening to the baby.

She heard the doorbell ring and looked in the security monitor Cassian had set up in their bedroom. Actually him being as paranoid as he was, he had set up monitors all over the house. Jyn had to draw the line at him putting one in the bathroom. She had no desire to look at the UPS guy while she was in the bathroom. She shook her head. She loved him to death but damn if she wasn’t going to have to draw the paranoia out of him drop by drop.

She threw on a loose blouse and ran down the stairs, opening the door to a smiling Bodhi.

“Sorry Bodes, I was getting dressed.” She bent down to grab her purse on the floor when she heard Bodhi give a low whistle. She quickly straightened back up.

“Whoa - Jyn. Uhh . . . .are we going out clubbing? Because your jeans are a little bit -

“Say one more word Bodhi and I’ll hurt you. Bad. In places you don’t want to be hurt.” Jyn spat out the words, glaring at him.

Bodhi had the good sense to stay quiet. _Okay - the tight jeans weren’t on purpose. She was just gaining a couple of pounds, that was fine._

Because God help him if she wore tight clothes and Shara wanted to go out dancing. He’d be in deep shit with Cassian then. Kes too come to think of it. It didn’t matter that Jyn was a grown woman. Bodhi had tried figuring it out with both men but they were _way_ overprotective towards her. _Good thing they weren’t around when she was in college. They would have had a heart attack at some of her antics, he mused._

He unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck. Jyn really was going to be the death of him.  
 

* * *

 The drive back to Jyn’s house was quiet. Bodhi had noticed she was quiet all evening. Shara had done most of the talking (and the drinking) at the restaurant and he was surprised to see Jyn didn’t drink. Not even a glass of wine. When they had ordered and she said “club soda”, Shara’s mouthed literally dropped to the floor. Jyn readily blamed it on Cassian not being around and she was trying to be on good behavior but Bodhi had a feeling something was up.

“So how was your doctor’s appointment?” he asked, casually. _Maybe the doctor’s visit didn’t go as planned._

Jyn stayed quiet, aimlessly looking out the window.

“Jyn?”

She jumped out of her reverie startled. “Oh . . sorry Bodes. Just thinking. Uh . . . yeah the appointment went well. I don’t need surgery so that’s a good thing.” She smiled tiredly at him.

He pulled up into her driveway and stopped the car, eying her curiously. “You okay?” He asked, concern evident in his voice.

“I’m fine Bodhi. Just . . . missing Cassian, you know?” She started walking up to the house, distracted by the conversation.

(She should have noticed the house was dark.)

“I just . . . I was relieved he was going to be gone, at first. I miss my independence a little bit. Being able to go off on my own, not having to worry about checking in. I just wanted a little bit of room to breath.”

Bodhi nodded his head, following her. “I get it. I feel the same way with Luke. I miss him terribly but then it’s nice not having to worry about a schedule and being home on-time and not making dinner.”

Jyn nodded her head, absentmindedly, digging through her purse for her keys, having a hard time finding them in the darkness. She finally found them and opened the door, Bodhi following her in.

That’s when she noticed none of the lights were on in the house.

Her house was never dark. She always had a light on. Even if the power went out, _her_ house should stay lit. She ran power off of her energy disc. Or discs. Basic power was ran off of one. Anything auxiliary - computers, sound, TV, ran off of another one. Plus she had a back up for both power outlets.

_What the hell?_

Bodhi was still chattering about Luke, trying to find the lightswitch to flip on the lights.

Jyn tuned him out, closing her eyes to the darkness, tamping down the fear. Krennic used to lock her in the closet when she was little, whenever she would lash out. She’d much prefer he had hit her than lock her in the closet.

She hated the dark. _Hated._

She always associated it with something bad, evil. _And right now, there was definitely something bad going on._

“Bodhi.” Jyn said his name sharply. He stopped talking immediately, not used to the tone in her voice.

“RUN!”

She turned to push him out the door, trying to get to the safety of the car, when three figures emerged from the kitchen, guns in hand.

“Hands up!” one of them demanded.

Bodhi instantly put his hands up. Jyn stared at them, her hands clasped around her purse. “Jyn,” Bodhi hissed at her.

“C’mon shortcake. Purse on the ground, hands up.”

She was trying to press the emergency alert on her phone through the thin material of her purse.

“Don’t bother trying to find your cell, honey. It won’t work.” One of the gunmen called out, practically laughing at her.

She looked around the house, the moonlight filtering in through the windows so she could see a bit more clearly. Everything was in its place. No drawers opened, no doors. The safe hadn’t been disturbed.

But then she noticed her office.

_The computer was on. They had cut the power to the main electricity in her home but her computer was powered through the secondary disc._

Shit.

And that’s when she knew. It wasn’t a random robbery. They wanted her. _It was the Empire, she thought erratically. They wanted her to finish what her father started._

She would have to fight her way out of this.

Jyn took a deep breath, her green eyes sharp, staring at them, hands still on her purse. Three men. Big. Bulky. She might be able to take two of them down but they all had guns. She glanced at the table in the entryway, knowing Cassian kept a gun in there, silently thanking Shara for giving her shooting lessons. If she could get to it, she might have a chance. There was also an emergency switch installed behind the table, shifting all the power in the house to go to her back up disc. It would trigger a silent alarm - one that would go straight to the sheriff’s department.

_Kerrick was going to break every single traffic law getting here._

Cassian had been more than thorough when they had set up their security system. She bit her lip, trying not to think of him or anyone right now. She just needed to get her and Bodhi through this.

She leaned in towards Bodhi, whispering. “Remember in college, the beer run?”

Bodhi’s eyes widened at her, he did a quick shake of his head. He hissed at her. “I’m not leaving you!”

_They had both been young and stupid and had tried to do a beer run, Jyn forcing Bodhi to run so he wouldn’t get caught and she was left holding the twelve pack of beer. She had sweet talked her way out of getting arrested - thankfully - but would have resorted to Plan B - Brute Force - had it not went the way she wanted._

There was no sweet talking her way out of this.

So Plan B it was.

She wound up her arm, chucking her purse, at the nearest gunmen, knocking his pistol to the ground, then pushed Bodhi towards the door, barreling her way to the table to hit the emergency switch. Lights flooded the living room and the men were temporarily disoriented, blinking, their eyes sensitive to the sudden brightness. She went to open the drawer and it didn’t budge.

_Damn! It was locked. FUCK._

She darted towards the door, about to make it out when strong arms encircled her waist, pulling her back in and a hand clamped over her mouth. She immediately bit down, drawing blood.

“Owww . . . fucking bitch bit me,” growled out the man, loosening his hold on her. She wriggled out of his grasp and then lashed out, kicking him in the balls. He doubled over, in pain, crying out. The other gunmen went after her, whipping her around before she could run out the door. She drew her arm back and punched him in the kidneys

_Always go after their weak spots, Jyn. Nuts. Kidneys. Throat._

Her punch didn’t do much through his thick vest and he reared up and smacked her, knocking her to the ground. She scrambled back up and looked wildly around for a weapon, anything, her eyes latching on to a lamp on the coffee table. _She just needed time._ She grabbed the lamp and threw it at him but he blocked it with his arm and grabbed her arms, twisting them behind her back. She threw her head forward as hard as she could, feeling the crack of cartilage when her forehead hit his nose, blood spraying all over the place.

_The forehead and elbow are the strongest parts of your body, Jyn. Use them._

This time, the man, who had been instructed to bring her in alive, didn’t hold back and he slammed his fist into her face, knocking her to the ground. Jyn fell on her stomach, dazed, seeing nothing but stars. He came up to her, rearing his foot back to kick her and she automatically curled up, trying to shield herself.

Trying to shield the baby.

The baby.

In all this mess, she forgot about the one thing she had to protect the most. Their baby.

His kick landed against her arm, her wrist making a snapping sound from the impact.

She had more in her. She could’ve easily gone more rounds but she had to stop. She couldn’t risk the baby getting hurt. She had one more play left and swung her body around, hoping to knock him down with a sharp kick to his knee caps.

She came face to face with the wrong end of a revolver.

She looked up at the man, his eyes flashing with anger. “Don’t move. Not one bit.” He commanded, one hand holding the gun, the other against his nose, trying to stop the bleeding.  

She slowly sat back, staying on the ground, wrapping her arms around her knees, protecting her middle. She didn’t see Bodhi. _Hopefully he made it to the car._    

She looked around the living room, assessing the situation. The one she had kicked in the balls was still groaning on the floor, nearly passed out. The third gunmen, came in through the door, pushing Bodhi in front of him, a gun to his ribs.

_Guess he didn’t make it to the car._

“Found this one trying to get away,” he said, hauling him in by the collar of his shirt.  

Bodhi angrily shrugged off the man, running to Jyn, seeing the blood on her face and the dark bruise forming on her cheek. “Jyn! Are you okay?” He moved to touch her face and she flinched, her jaw reacting instinctively to the pain.

He turned to the men, angry. “What the hell do you want? Her jewelry’s upstairs, you can make a shitload of money on her computer equipment, just leave us be. Go.”

“The only thing valuable in here is her.” The man that had just walked in with Bodhi, walked up to Jyn and hauled her up, putting a zip tie around her wrists. Jyn had a resigned look on her face, as if she knew there was no getting out.

Bodhi stared at her, realization dawning on him. Her being shot years ago. _This wasn’t a coincidence._ “Jyn?” Bodhi said, looking at her, questions in his eyes. She smiled sadly at him, a look of defeat on her face. “It’s okay, Bodes. I’ll be okay. Tell Cassian . . . tell him I’ll be fine and not to worry. Tell him I’m sorry. And that I love him.”

“Oh hell no. Jyn! No way. I can’t.” Tears started running down Bodhi’s face.

Jyn put her forehead against Bodhi’s, whispering. “Tell Cassian I’ll find him. I’ll find him in the light.”

He stared at her confused, shaking his head quickly. “Jyn. No. You ca - -.”

“What do we do about him?” the man with the broken nose said nasally to his counterpart. Bodhi’s eyes widened, looking at Jyn, tied up and their guns pointed at him.  Jyn shook her head at him. _Please Bodhi. Don’t do it. Don’t be a hero._

“Boss said to bring _her_ in alive.”

They briefly looked at Jyn and Bodhi jumped, rushing at Broken Nose guy, trying to get his gun. They both struggled over it and then a shot went off, both men falling apart from each other. Bodhi stumbled back, blood seeping out of his shirt, dazed. He looked down and fell back against the wall, confusion written all over his face.

“Nooooooo!” Jyn cried out. “Bodhi, NO!!” She rushed forward, hands still tied in front of her, but the one who pulled the trigger, the one who HURT BODHI, tried grabbing her but she went wild, swinging her arms like a bat and hitting his face. He grunted, barely hurt and wrapped an arm around her chest, pulling out a syringe from his vest pocket.

_No. No drugs. The baby._

Jyn squirmed, trying to get out of his grip but he was too strong, she couldn’t move. She stared wide-eyed at the syringe and his sneer was the the last thing she saw before he plunged it into her neck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger (again). Thanks for hanging in here with me. 
> 
> Jyn telling Bodhi to have Cassian find her in the light is referring back to Caught In Between - she doesn't want Cassian to have to resort to his former ways to try and find her. 
> 
> So this chapter is what got me to write this story - Jyn being pregnant and not being able to fend off her attackers for fear of hurting the baby. I had originally planned on her and Shara being together but thought Bodhi would be a better fit. Also Shara can kick ass so in my mind it would be super hard to beat her.


	10. Hidden Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian falls apart. The team tries to figure out what went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a little bit earlier - worried I’m making enemies with all the cliffies!!

“She’s pregnant?” He asked again, incredulous. _No. No. She can’t be. Not now. Not when she’s been taken._

Kes and Shara turned towards him, guiltily, as if they shouldn’t have been looking around. Cassian was leaning weakly against the doorframe, his eyes flicking between them and the bottle on the counter. He looked like he could barely stand.

Kes stepped towards him, cautiously. “I take it you didn’t know?” he said, sympathy in his eyes.

Cassian mutely shook his head.

“Cass,” Shara started to explain. “I’m sorry - we didn’t mean to - we weren’t snooping. We were looking for some kind of clue, evidence, _something_ and I noticed the bottle and the paper,” she nodded her head to his dresser, handing him the patient summary from Dr. Kalonia’s office.

He looked down for what seemed like ages, his eyes scanning the medical document. Random thoughts scattered through his mind.   _Pregnant. High blood pressure._  His mind was racing through his last conversation with her. _Had she known? Did she just find out?_ He shook his head, trying to analyze her behavior over the last couple of weeks. She would have told him. She must have just found out. It explained her terse text to him earlier, that she would talk to him about her appointment.

He couldn’t believe she was pregnant. _They were going to have a baby._ They never talked about children. It was always baby steps for them. For _him._  He shook his head. He shouldn’t have waited so long. He should have married her a long time ago. For a brief moment, he closed his eyes, envisioning a little boy with thick, wavy, brown hair and and green eyes like Jyn’s, smiling at him. Or a little girl, the spitting image of Jyn. A pert nose, sharp eyes, intelligent. An attitude the size of the lake. He imagined Jyn, pushing the baby in a jogging stroller, grinning, and him running ahead to make sure nothing was in their way. He could see the baby in his arms, safe, looking at him with such trust, as if he was the thing he loved most in the world.  

Then the reality of the situation sunk in and anger, a deep-seated anger, swept through him. It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in years. Not since Jyn had been in the hospital and he saw her bruised and battered body fighting for life. They stole his family. The Empire. They had taken something from him _again_. The love of his life. His child. His chance at a happy life. He looked up at Kes and Shara, his eyes filled with rage and unshed tears.

“Not a word.” He demanded. “Not a word to anyone. Not Kay. Not Draven. No one.”

 Kes reached out to grab his arm, “Cass. This is information they should know.”

 He turned angrily on Kes, throwing his arm off of him, a panicked look in his eyes. “No! We don’t know anything yet, Kes. How the hell did DC get compromised? I can’t  . . . I can’t trust anyone with this.” He looked at Kes, his eyes pleading for him to understand.

“What if this was an inside job? Draven will be obligated to report this and I can’t. I can’t have anyone knowing this and using it to their advantage. We need facts first.”

Kes nodded slowly, understanding.

Shara enveloped Cassian in a tight hug. “We’ll find her, Cass. I promise. But . . . we’re a team, Cass. I need to know that you can trust us, trust them.”

He stared at Shara, his eyes assessing. “I trust you. I trust Kes. I . . . trust them. But I need to know what happened first. How did my alias get compromised?”

Kes walked towards the door, patting him on the back. “Well, let’s find out. And Cass?” Kes turned to look at him, a grin on his face.

“Congratulations.”

Cassian watched them leave the room and sat down on the bed, exhaustion settling in. He could feel her, still, in their room. The faint scent of coconut and citrus from her shampoo hung in the air, on their bed, on his pillow. He eyed the little trinkets she kept on the dresser - things she had collected over the years. A ragged teddy bear, rocks she collected on hikes. His eyes lingered on a photo she had put up - it was their first time rock climbing after she had been hurt and she had been so excited to make it to the top that he had snapped a selfie. Her cheeks had been tinged pink from the exertion and her smile was wide, uninhibited. They were both so happy that day and it showed in that picture.

He eyed the basket of clothes she must have just washed and grabbed one of her shirts, bringing it to his nose, inhaling her scent.

_I’m so sorry Jyn. I’m so sorry. Please, please come back to me._

He didn’t realize he had been crying until he started to fold the blouse and noticed it was wet. He wiped angrily at the tears and blindly grabbed another shirt, folding it. He needed to do something, anything to make him feel close to her.

Cassian went back downstairs and found Kay scrolling through images, data, numerous files on Jyn’s computer. Melshi had arrived and was standing behind him, looking at the data. Draven was still outside, calling his contacts. Bodhi was sitting on the couch, his eyes closed and head resting on a throw pillow, holding his side, in pain.  Kes and Shara were on their laptops, doing their own searches.

Cassian nodded towards Bodhi. “Does he need medical attention?”

Shara shook her head. “It was just a graze. He’s lucky. One more inch to the left and he would’ve bled out,” she said in a calm, matter-of-fact voice.

Bodhi opened his eyes and visibly blanched, his face going pale.

Cassian bit his lip, trying to figure out the best way to tell Bodhi. There’s no way they could keep up this charade with him.

Bodhi beat him to it.

“So what are you guys? Some sort of black ops government group fighting terrorists?”

_Okay then._

Cassian’s eyes flew wide open and he looked at Kes who just shrugged his shoulders. “Tell him.”

Kay turned around from his computer screen, finally participating in the group discussion. “Actually we are bound by Executive Order 13292 that classified information may not be disclosed to unauth - ”

“KAY!”

He clamped his mouth shut, glaring at Cassian, going back to his monitors.

Cassian sat down next to Bodhi. “We’re not. Not anymore.”

“But you were?” Bodhi said, insisting. He wasn’t going to let them talk their way out of this.

He nodded his head slowly. “Shara, Kes and I. I can’t go into much detail but yes, we were. I’m sure you know now that Jyn getting shot a couple of years wasn’t an accident?”

Bodhi rolled his eyes at him. “Yeah, I figured the likelihood of her facing down a gun again was 0%”

Kay turned and looked at Bodhi, annoyed. “How did you figure that out? You can’t just go citing odds just for the hell of it, Bodhi Rook. That is not a quantitative way to figure out statistical probability.”

Cassian turned to glare at Kay. “Now is not the time.”

Kay sighed and once again turned back to his monitors.

“We left . . . the ‘agency’ . . .  after Jyn was shot. Kes and Shara opened up their security firm and then I joined the sheriffs. None of us could . . .,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “None of us could go back. It was too close. She almost died.”

Bodhi’s eyes watered a bit, thinking of how he had almost lost his best friend and was none the wiser. He felt ashamed for not having kept in touch with her after college but she had moved back home, he was doing work abroad. They just never seemed to have time to connect.

Cassian took a deep breath, reliving that memory, Jyn bleeding out and gasping her last breath. He shook his head slowly as if trying to wipe the memory away. “I wanted - no - I needed her to be safe.”

Bodhi nodded in understanding, but he still looked confused. “Why Jyn, though? How did she get involved?”

Cassian hesitated, debating whether or not to go into that much detail. He wasn’t too sure what Jyn had shared with Bodhi regarding her family and he didn’t want to divulge anything personal. She was still sensitive about her parents but he had a feeling it was due to the fact they left her with Krennic than what her father had done.

Unfortunately, Kay took the decision out of his hands. “Jyn’s father built a weapon of mass destruction and Jyn was the only one that could destroy it. She was shot during the process, trying to protect Cassian.”

Kes swung his head sharply to glare at Kay. “What the fuck, Kay? That was private.”

Shara rolled her eyes. Chastising Kay was like spanking a four-year old who refused to listen.  

Kay shrugged his shoulders. “What? He’s going to find out anyways.” He shook his head as if irritated about the whole nonsense.

“So all this . . .” Bodhi said, waving his arms at the computer equipment, the video cams, “this is all . . . what? Peace of mind?”

Melshi chimed in. “Old habits are hard to break. Cassian takes his surveillance seriously. Jyn’s college years were a delight,” he added, rather sarcastically.

Bodhi turned to Melshi. “What do you mean ‘college years’?” He asked, a bit too sharply.

Cassian ducked his head down, biting back a smile. Considering the time Jyn and Bodhi spent together in college, they got an eyeful of Bodhi’s antics too.

Kay’s voice came from Jyn’s office. “Oh we had surveillance on Jyn then. You too, Bodhi.” He added casually.

Shara covered her mouth with her palm, trying to hide a laugh. If Bodhi could get any paler, he’d literally be Casper the Ghost.

He noticeably gulped. “Uh . . . so . . . you guys saw me with the RA?”

Melshi nodded his head, smiling.

“And the TA?”

“Got a penchant for authority figures, huh, Bodhi?” Kes winked at Bodhi.

“We also saw you with the soccer player, the water polo captain, the -”

“KAY!”

“What? You were going down the list, right? I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through.”

Bodhi started blushing furiously. Cassian finally had to intervene. “Enough about Bodhi, Kay.” Cassian barked at him. “Tell us what happened. How did we get compromised?”

Kay explained the notifications from the credit card companies. “I knew we should have never let Requisitions use your primary social to link to those credit cards. Draven fought it but they guaranteed that your personal data wouldn’t be tied to it.”

Cassian pinched the tip of his nose, trying to think. “There’s more to this. Whoever hacked us - they knew we would find out. They knew those notices would get sent. The timing of when you got those notices and Kes, me being gone. It’s not a coincidence. Plus our phones . . . I think they’ve been hacked,” he said, tossing his cell to Kay.

Kay tapped out a code and scrolled through the screen, nodding his head. “Let me see yours too,” he asked both Kes and Shara.

He plugged all three phones into the computer, scrolling through them. He was quiet for a few minutes until he finally grumbled.

“I figured it out. There’s a weather app on here but it’s not really an app. It’s a trojan horse. Did you download it?”

Kes shook his head. “No, I could care less about the weather. Besides Shara always tells me what to wear.”

Kay tapped on the phone a few more times, grimacing. “Looks like the app was pushed on to your phone. Since you have the settings to automatic downloads, anybody could have added the app, either through bluetooth or wireless.”

Kay frowned, shaking his head. “What I don’t understand is how Jyn allowed you guys to have your phones so open? Given her background in cyber, your phones should be better protected?”

Kes glanced guiltily at Cassian. Shara didn’t bat an eye.

“What did you guys do?” Kay asked, accusingly.

“We got new phones and wanted to have an app so we could stream the UFC fights. So we asked her to open it up so we could download it.”

“We forgot to turn the security feature back on,” Cassian mumbled.

Kay turned to Shara. “You’re awfully quiet. And you don’t like UFC. Which frankly surprises me considering your penchant for violence. So what’s your excuse?”

Shara raised an eyebrow at him and then smirked. “You don’t want to know what I have on my phone, Tueso.”

Cassian’s stomach clenched. This was all his fault. He could’ve prevented this. If only they hadn’t downloaded that stupid hack, if only he hadn’t left . . . Jyn would still be here.

“Cass . . .,” Kay said, as if he already knew what he was thinking. “They would have got to her without the hack. It’s weakly designed. It was meant to disrupt communications, cause confusion, chaos. Either way, they still had the opportunity to take her. This hack just allowed them more time to get away.”

“But if I never left . . .”

Shara interrupted him. “Then they would have got her another way. On her way to work. You’re not with her 24 hours a day, Cassian. They wanted her - they would have found a way.”

Bodhi finally spoke up. He had been sitting quietly on the couch, absorbing the conversations. He couldn’t believe this was real. That things like this happened. He felt as if someone had plucked him from his normal life and dropped him right into some TV spy drama show.

“Who’s they?”

They all turned to look at Bodhi.

_Right._

He had no idea.

He didn’t know that mafias, mobs, criminal syndicates, terrorist organizations worse than any ever before, actually existed.

“The Empire.” Kes said. “A terrorist organization we took down years ago. They’re the ones who took Jyn.”

A voice from the back of the room rang out. “It’s not the Empire.”

Davits Draven was back.

* * *

They all stared at Draven in shock.

“It’s not the Empire?” Cassian said. He stared blankly at Draven, as if he couldn’t process it.

“Who then? Who would’ve taken her?”

Draven shook his head. Cassian wouldn’t take well to the news he had to deliver.

“We don’t know.”

Cassian turned sharply to Draven, contempt clearly written all over his face. “What do you mean you don’t know? All the resources you have, all the assets the _Alliance_ has at their disposal and you don’t fucking know?”

He got in Draven’s face. “I trusted you. We trusted you. I gave everything to this goddamn organization- my life, my morals, and you can’t find her? You don’t know?”

He reared his arm back -

“Cass . . . NO!” Kes moved quickly to grab his arm but missed.

 - and slammed his fist into the wall behind Draven. Then he turned and walked out of the house.

Draven flared up at the rest of the group. “Anybody else want to yell at me? Seems like it’s a goddamn let’s douche on Draven today.”

Kes looked at Draven about to say something, then decided against it and strode out the door after Cassian.

“Kes,” Shara called after him, lightly touching his arm. She didn’t need to say anything. She just looked at him, her eyes wide. _He needs you right now. Not a soldier but his best friend, she wanted to say._  

“I know Shar. I know.”

Shara turned to Draven. He would’ve much preferred dealing with Kes or Cassian. Although he was loath to admit, Shara scared him a little bit.

Actually she scared him a lot.

“Answer me honestly, Draven. You used every resource available to you?”

 He nodded his head.

“Because so help me God, if I find out you lied I will rip out your nuts and shove them down your throat.”

He gulped.

“Did you call Saw?”

Dravens lips twisted up into a smirk. For all their preaching of being the good guys, they sure didn’t mind using whatever means necessary. “Yes, of course. He was my first contact. He’s been keeping tabs on any remnants left over from the Empire.”

“And?” Shara asked.

Draven shook his head. “The Empire is at its weakest right now. There’s no way those still standing could have engineered this. They’re all low level operatives - couriers, gun runners, smugglers. Most of them had no loyalty to the Empire. They were pretty much in it for the paycheck.”

Shara tapped her fingers on the kitchen counter, thinking, waiting for him to continue. _Draven wasn’t saying everything._

“What else did Saw say?”

Draven thought back to their conversation . . .

_"What do you want Davits?” Saw had asked, finally calling him back after Draven had initiated contact through their established protocols._

_"We have a situation.”_

_Saw stayed quiet, waiting for him to continue._

_"She’s been taken. Our records were hacked. They located her and Cassian’s home and took her.”_

_Saw continued to stay quiet. Draven waited patiently. He was ready -_

_“You didn’t have surveillance on her? You don’t think that people aren’t still after her, what she can do? You think erasing her records completely eliminated her existence? People talk, Davits. I fucking hear about her in my circles and I pretend she’s a rumor, a ghost. What the hell were you guys thinking? She single-handedly took down the Empire and you can’t even put one agent on her to make sure she’s safe? Saw’s voice was quiet, a deadly rumble. Draven had a feeling if they were meeting in person, this wouldn’t have gone well for him._

" _Listen Gerrera - Jyn was only of interest to the Empire. There were no other groups that were powerful enough to dedicate the resources to her, to what she could build. I couldn’t waste resources on her. I had to move funds to active operatives.We thought she was safe.”_

 G _errera huffed a string of expletives._

_Draven continued. “We don’t know who took her. I need your help in finding out. We think the Empire has people still in position - “_

_Saw cut him off. “No. It’s not the Empire. They’re done. Finished. They don’t have the manpower.”_

_"Any other groups that would want her? You’re in the underground, you would know if there were any rumors about weapons, technology, anything she could be used for?_

_“I haven’t heard anything. There are rumors of some groups jockeying for position. But none have the resources like the Empire did. I can’t . . .  ,” Draven could hear a break in Saw’s voice. The man had cared for Jyn as if she was his own daughter._

_"I can’t think of any single group that would target her. Nobody’s organized enough. Not like how the Empire was.”_

 " _Fuck.” Draven muttered, more to himself._

_"I’ll do some digging. Send some of my men out for intelligence.”_

 " _Thanks.” Draven said, rather unwillingly._

_“Don’t thank me yet.” Saw groused. “Oh and if anything happens to her, I will personally take you to her parent’s grave and break your skull on their tombstone.”_

_“Get in line,” Draven said, ending the call._

  
“Yeah . . . Saw  was . . . a little upset at the news. The three of you will have to fight with him over who gets to kill me if something happens to Jyn.”

Shara nodded her head in agreement. They needed to find her. Saw, Draven, the team, didn’t even know how bad it really was.

 

Cassian had walked down to the lake and was sitting on a bench, staring emptily at the water. He had to get out of the house. It was all too much. For a brief moment, when Draven told him they didn’t have any leads, the thought of losing her, of never seeing her again, felt like a punch in the stomach. Like someone was literally burning him from the inside out. He looked down at his bruised knuckles, bleeding from hitting the wall.

“Here.”

 Kes. He handed him an icepack and towel he had grabbed on his way out of the house.

 “Figured I’d find you down here.”

 “She loves the lake.” Cassian whispered. He thought of the look on her face whenever she would stare at the lake, the gentle lapping of the water giving her peace, the sun shining on her, turning her eyes into glittering emeralds.

Kes smiled sadly. “Remember the first time we took her when she was little?”

 

_Jyn promptly took off her shorts and t-shirt and ran down to the water and jumped in, not having a care in the world._

_They were met with a howling scream._  
_Cassian glanced at Kes - who was calmly laying out their beach towels on the sand. “She know how cold the water is?” It was an alpine lake so pretty much the water was all melted snow._  
_Kes kept his eyes on Jyn, laughing to himself. “She had no idea . . . I may have forgot to tell her. ”_

“You were a dick for not telling her how cold the water was.”

“She was a brat,” Kes defended himself. “She just walked in the house, like she owned it, taking over my computer, eating my snacks. Beating me at my own video games. Then when you wanted to go bike riding and mom made me take her, and she had to show off how she could beat me at bike riding”

“She did beat you.”

Kes waved his hand up, dismissing him. “I let her.”

“Uh-huh. Sure . . .. You were so lazy, you could barely ride your bike to the lake and back without dying of a heart attack.”

They both stayed quiet, lost in memories of their youth, when they would spend their summers bike riding, their winters sledding and having snowball fights. When the only thing they had to worry about was getting home before dark or Randi would yell at them.

“I miss her, Kes. I can’t lose her. Not again. It’s . . . even with her being pregnant, I just . . .” He closed his eyes, his thick lashes wet, trying to find the words. He loved her _so much_. He felt like a piece of his heart had been ripped out and was slowly being squeezed to death.

Kes glanced over at Cassian, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Yeah . . . I know me too.”

“I just want her home.”

Kes sadly nodded his head in agreement.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure: the line where Kay tells Bodhi: “How did you figure that out? You can’t just go citing odds just for the hell of it, Bodhi Rook . . . ” is inspired by [Chapter 16](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9053302/chapters/21048143) from floating,sinking by shuofthewind when Kay gets so irritated at Bodhi for citing a statistic off of the top of his head. Funniest Kay line ever.


	11. Fading hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team searches for Jyn. Jyn meets the person behind her kidnapping.

 " _Everything I do, I do to protect you. You know that Jyn, right? Say you understand.”_

_“I understand, Papa.” But when Jyn looked up, expecting to see her father’s face, she saw Cassian. His warm brown eyes were filled with fear. Helplessness._

_She frowned, cupping his face. “Cassian?” His face transformed into sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Jyn. This . . . is all my fault.”_

_“How is it your -”_

_He let go of her hand. She moved to grab it but her hand went through his and he started fading away. “Cassian. Please. Don’t leave. Don’t go.” She clawed out at him but he was fading away, his body disappearing until there was nothing left._

  
She woke up, startled, confused. _Where am I?_ She closed her eyes trying to get a sense of her surroundings. She was most definitely not at home. The mattress was thin, her skin was rubbed raw from being restrained. Not to mention her wrist was aching from the fight she had with the guards.

The air felt thinner. Which was odd considering she already lived in the mountains. Her head was throbbing and her mouth was dry. Her stomach felt nauseous and she could feel the bile rising in her throat. She jumped out of the bed, looking for a bathroom, a trashcan, something. There was a small bathroom attached to the room and she ran to the toilet, vomiting. She hung her head over the toilet, waiting for the heaving to stop. When she was finally done, she got up and rinsed her mouth over the small sink.

“The drugs will do that to you for awhile.”

Jyn stilled, not wanting to turn towards the voice.

“I told them you were not to be harmed but from what I understand, your friend gave us some trouble and you got a bit  . . .,” he paused, as if trying to figure out an appropriate word for how her abductors described her, “feisty.”

She slowly turned around, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

He was sitting comfortably in a chair that was opposite her bed. Jyn’s stomach rolled again as she wondered how long he had been there, watching her sleep. She shivered. She didn’t know if it was the drugs, fright or _good lord, please don’t let me have morning sickness._

“Are you cold? Do you need a sweater? I want your stay here to be as comfortable as possible.”

She stayed quiet, not saying a word. _I DON’T WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE. I WANT TO GO HOME! She wanted to scream at him, attack him, hurt him._

Instead she just looked at him, taking in his appearance. 

He looked to be in his late twenties. Brown hair. Dark brown eyes. Light skinned but he looked tanned. As if he spent a lot of time in the sun. He was young. Maybe her age or younger. The way he spoke - _I told them not to hurt you -_ implied he was the one in charge. From her brief time with Krennic and the Empire, he didn’t seem like a typical Imperial grunt. He was dressed well - tailored slacks, button down shirt but the sleeves were rolled up, as if he had just got out of work.

_Yeah kidnapping people. Asshole._

She refused to be scared. This had happened before and Cassian found her. _He found her!_  She just needed time.

Her subconscious screamed at her in protest. _But this time is different. They sought you out. They tracked you. They were in your home. They shot Bodhi._

She bit back a sob at the thought of Bodhi. _Please God let Bodhi be alive. I can’t lose him. He’s too sweet. Too kind. He doesn’t deserve to be involved in this._

She walked past the stranger, not saying a word, and sat down on the bed, staring at him.

He looked at her inquisitively. Studying her.

“Are you hungry?”

She stayed quiet.

He pursed his lips and stood up. “I’ll get you something and when I come back, we’ll talk.” He stood up to leave and walked to the door of the room.

“Why did you take me?” Jyn asked, her voice was raspy, her throat sore from throwing up. She hated how she sounded. _Weak._

He turned to look at her.

“All in good time, Jyn Dameron.” Then he walked out of the room, not noticing the look of shock on Jyn’s face.

* * *

 

_Jyn Dameron? What? What the hell was going on?_

Jyn thought she had been kidnapped because of who she was, her name, her father. The legacy of genius in her family. She thought they had kidnapped her because she was Jyn Erso, daughter of Galen Erso, the genius who had developed a weapon that would’ve annihilated all security systems across the world. The man who built a satellite that could have disrupted all financial systems, airports, nuclear codes. Jyn had destroyed it, killed the program running it. She was the only one that knew how. The only one that knew the code behind the programming.

 _But he called her Jyn Dameron._ Her adopted name. The name the Dameron’s had so lovingly given her when they adopted her at the age of eleven, after her mother died. She never went by Erso. Nor would she ever want to. She had loved her parents so much but the choices they made, all to protect her, ended up ruining her childhood and nearly killing her. Had it not been for the Damerons who had taken her in, given her a roof over her head, given her a family, who knows how she would turned out?

Then she realized it.

They - this man - her abductors - didn’t know who she really was.

She had been taken for an entirely different reason. And that thought scared her more than anything else.

* * *

Kes and Cassian walked back to the house. Kerrick was on the porch with a long-haired german shepherd at his side. Cassian smiled faintly at the obedient dog. He was a retired K-9 that the department used to help find lost hikers. Kerrick kept him at the house with him and Randi and the way he treated the dog was as if it was his third child. Cassian had heard enough grumbling from Kes when the dog took over his old bedroom and refused to let Kes come in.

He walked up to Kerrick and hugged him tightly. The last time Jyn had been hurt, it was Cassian apologizing to Kerrick and Randi.

 

_Cassian stood back hesitantly. He hadn’t seen Randi or Kerrick since he left six years ago. Randi let go of Kes and then stood back, looking at Cassian. He looked so weary. He still looked like the forlorn little boy that showed up her doorstep, wanting to play with Kes so many years ago. So sad, so scared of getting close to people. She opened her arms. Cassian went into them, choking back a sob. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault that she’s hurt. She tried to protect me.” Kerrick had come up and pulled both of them into a hug. “It’s okay, son. It’s okay. We’ve got you now. You’re not alone.”_

 

But this time, Kerrick was the one upset, crying. “I should have got here sooner, son. I’m so sorry. I never . . . I never would’ve let her stay alone. I should have insisted she stay with Randi and me.”

Cassian hugged him tighter, whispering in his chest. “It’s not your fault. I should have never left. None of us knew. We thought . . . we thought she was safe.” He drew away from Kerrick and stooped down to scratch Wicket on the ears. The dog turned his somber expression on Cassian and stared at him, as if he knew it wasn’t a time for play but a time to work.

“Who’s with mom right now?” Kes asked his dad, a touch of panic on his face.

“Melshi came over. I have deputies searching street cams but I thought we could use Wicket here to see if he can find a trail in the forest. We followed the tire tracks and they lead up the Kingsbury Grade but then they stop at the forest.

They went inside the house and grabbed Cassian and Jyn’s hiking gear. Kerrick already had a military grade backpack in his SUV. Wicket, breaking his stoic stance next to Kerrick, immediately ran to Shara who showered him with hugs and kisses. Cassian quickly glanced at Kes and smothered a laugh at the irritated look on his face.

Shara walked over to Kerrick and gave him a tight hug. She loved Kes’s family with all her heart and now more than ever, with the disappearance of Jyn, made her appreciate family even more.  

She spied their backpacks and took in Wicket. “You have a lead?”

Kerrick shook his head. “Maybe. We found some tire tracks. We’re going into the forest to see where they lead. These guys are pros though. It’s doubtful they left a trace but we have to try.”

Nobody wanted to get their hopes up but this was all they had.

“I want to come with.”

“No!”

Shara looked at Cassian, a bit shocked at the ferocity of his refusal. About to argue with him, he cut her off. “I need you here, Shar. Or you come and Kes stays but I need one of you here.”

She slowly nodded her head in understanding. He needed someone he could _trust._ She smiled at him sadly. “Okay Cass. I’ll stay.” She nudged Kes playfully in the ribs. “Besides Kes could use some time to bond with his brother,” she said, petting Wicket, who nuzzled his furry head into her palm.  

Kes frowned. Wicket stared at him, his doggie eyes non-blinking. He turned and swiped his tail at Kes’s legs and then walked out the door, waiting for the humans to follow him.

* * *

The tire marks led them about a mile into the forest until they reached a large clearing. Wicket sniffed at the ground, his nose going to the middle of the clearing before he looked up and barked sharply. All three men paled when they finally saw what Wicket was barking at.

Skid marks. Helicopter skid marks.

“Shit.” Kerrick whispered. His mind was racing. A helicopter. This was planned way in advance. Not some grab and go. He looked at Kes and Cassian.

“What the hell is going on? What haven’t you told me yet?”

They both glanced at each other. Cassian knew that Kes had told Kerrick what happened three years ago and that he was vaguely aware of the Alliance.

Kes started talking, telling his dad about their phones, the hack, everything. His lip started trembling when Kes told him that it wasn’t the Empire, that it must be some new terrorist group.

“And we don’t have any leads?”

Both men shook their head.

Kerrick closed his eyes, trying to think. There’s no way a helicopter could have taken off in this part of the forest without anyone noticing.

“Oh hell.”

“I saw a helicopter. Over the lake. On my way here. I was about to call it in - we always get notified on helo transports but then I got the call from you to go check on Jyn.”

He kicked at the dirt angrily. “Damnit! If only I hadn’t been so distracted.”

Kes took pictures of the skid marks. He doubted a flight plan would have been filed but if Kay could narrow down the skids to a certain helicopter model, then he might have a lead. It was weak but it was all they had.

They walked back to the car dejectedly, hope slowly sliding away from them.

* * *

 

Jyn prowled around the room, waiting patiently for her food. She noticed a camera in the corner but other than that, there was nothing. A twin bed, no closet and the small bathroom. A high window towards the ceiling. She looked around the bathroom, trying to find something she could use as a weapon but nothing except a hand towel and soap. Not even a mirror for her to break and stab someone with.

She sat back down on the bed, absentmindedly fingering the charms on her necklace. Her father had given her a heart-shaped locket when she was little that housed the first code they created together. It was that code that she had used to destroy the Empire’s weapon. The code had long since been replaced and Cassian had given her a sun and a star charm to add to it.

_It had been her birthday and they spent it quietly at home, watching her favorite movies. He had brought out her favorite, a chocolate truffle cheesecake, and had lit a candle singing happy birthday to her shyly, smiling at her._

_Once she was done gobbling up her dessert he had handed her a little black velvet box. She stared at it, a puzzled expression on her face. He had already given her an engagement ring, what other jewelry could she possibly want?_

_She opened the box to reveal a thick silver star with smaller shooting stars in a brilliant blue stone. It was similar to the sun charm he had given her years ago, when she was sixteen and he was leaving to go into the military._

_(“You’ve always been like the sun to me, Jyn. Giving me light.”)_

_She opened up the star and there was a small picture of them inside, a selfie she had taken on a recent hike._

_She smiled at him, her eyes crinkling. “This is beautiful, Cass. I love it.”_

_He swept her hair away from her neck, dipping down to kiss her between her shoulder blades. Her body tingling at his touch. He gently took the necklace off of her and added the charm, latching the necklace back around her neck. He turned her back around to face him, cupping her chin, his face all of a sudden somber._

_“You know you mean the world to me, right? My whole life - I have never loved someone as much as I love you. You’re everything to me.” He paused and took a deep breath. Cassian was always so quiet with his emotions that she had learned his feelings through his actions, his touch. Little things that he did - putting snow chains on her tires before he left for work so she wouldn’t have to, replacing her running shoes when she had put too many miles on them._

_She stayed quiet - for once in her life - letting him finish._

_“Those years we weren’t together, when I was gone. I had hope. Hope that one day I could see you again. In person. And you would forgive me and take me back. And you did. You’re like the sun and stars to me Jyn. Giving me light, guiding me back to where I belong._

_“Home.”_

She quietly sobbed out at the memory. She didn’t even have a chance to tell Cassian about the baby. She couldn’t even imagine what he was going through right now. He would blame himself for this, the guilt would consume him, devour his insides until he couldn’t breathe. She wished she could see him, talk to him. Let him know that she was okay.

That they would get through this.

But as she looked around the empty room, at her watch that told her she had been missing for nearly forty-eight hours, she didn’t know if they would.

He brought the food back into her room - a heaping sandwich, chips, cookies and a water. Her stomach growled looking at it but she refused to eat it. Her nausea from earlier didn’t resurface so she was hoping it was the drugs that made her throw up. She couldn’t deal with morning sickness.

“I’m sorry we don’t have anything warm for you to eat. As soon as the gas gets powered on, we’ll be able to have some hot meals.”

He was being kind to her. _Why?_ When his thugs were assholes, shooting Bodhi. And hot meals? _How long did they plan on keeping her here? Where was “here” anyways? Where the hell was she?_

She debated briefly whether or not to throw her plate at him but she was starving.

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “I wouldn’t waste food. You never know when your next meal is going to be.”

Jyn pulled the plate towards her and gingerly lifted up the sandwich, taking a small bite, chewing slowly, waiting for a reaction from her stomach. Nothing. She ate slowly, ignoring his gaze.

She brushed the crumbs off her shirt and finally looked up at him.

He extended his hand out and took her plate and left the room and came back with a bottle of water. She took it from him gratefully and sipped at it.

“You ready to talk now?” He asked her.

She nodded her head. “Why am I here?”

He looked at her quizzically. “You really don’t know why you’re here? I find that hard to believe.”

She widened her eyes, shrugging, hoping to pull off a look of innocence. If he was calling her by Jyn Dameron then chances were he didn’t know who she really was. Which meant he wasn’t with the Empire or their shady ass counterparts. Now she just had to narrow it down. It could be somebody Kes or even Kerrick pissed off or Cas - .

_No. No. No. Her stomach lurched. It couldn’t be - no. Not him. Not something from his past._

She gave him what she hoped was a defiant look, pushing away her apprehension, her fear.

“Nope, don’t have a clue.” She got up and walked to her bed and laid down on her back, looking up at the window near the ceiling. If she got the angle just right, she could get some of the sunlight on her. Absorb it. She hated being cooped up inside, she needed to be outdoors, in fresh air.

“I think you know.”

She pursed her lips in derision at him. “Not too sure what goes on in the mind of a killer and a kidnapper, so no I don’t.”

She didn’t get the reaction she wanted. He burst out laughing.

“You’ve got a sense of humor on you. I like that.”

_And she definitely didn’t want him liking her._

He waited out her silence. Looking at her. She tried listening for other sounds - traffic, noise, the sounds of weather, but everything was still, as if she had been transported out of reality and put in her own private hell dimension. 

Jyn finally looked at him, shrugging her shoulders. “Not too sure why you’re still here? I obviously don’t know what the hell you want so you might as well go.” She waved her hand dismissively towards the door. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what it is you want.”

He sighed. “I had a feeling you would be difficult. You’ll know soon enough.” He got up, smoothing out his pants, as if he was preparing for a lunch meeting.

“Since you’ll be here for a while, we might as well call each other by our first names. I’m Damián.”

He said his name quietly, enunciating the _a_ in his name, looking at her to see a reaction, as if she should recognize it.

She continued to glare at him. He clenched his fists and Jyn could literally hear him grind his teeth. For a moment, she thought he was going to hit her. Instead, he turned sharply and slammed the door as he walked out the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a transitional chapter - sorry about that. This chapter was probably the hardest one to write - picking a name for an OC is extremely difficult.


	12. Dangerous Pasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team resorts to unusual measures to try and find Jyn. Jyn realizes why she was taken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - mentions of human trafficking. Also, Jyn has some dark thoughts towards the end.  
> 
> Sidenote - I put together a playlist on Spotify. The link is on Chapter 1 but just in case you missed it (I posted the playlist around Chapter 3 or 4), here it is:
> 
>  
> 
> Somewhere In Between playlist

It had been a month and the search for Jyn had run cold. The lead on the helicopter hadn’t amounted to much. The skids were standard issue. The sheer amount of birds with those skids was enormous. Kay was conducting a search but with the Empire not behind her kidnapping, he didn’t have any parameters to narrow it down. Even if he had a hint, some obscure data point, he could have ran tests, figures, stats but there was nothing. They didn’t have shit.

Kerrick had checked every single airfield in a 200 mile radius and like he thought - no flight plans had been filed over the lake the night Jyn had been taken. Kes and Shara were using every contact at their disposal within their security firm to find out intelligence. Draven kept calling Saw and he wasn’t communicating back with him. Draven had hoped Saw was going dark, digging deep for intelligence which is why he wasn’t answering his calls.

Kay was at his usual spot in front of the computer when Kes walked over to him and peered over his head, frowning.

“That’s not the Alliance server. What are you on?”

Kay turned to look at him, glancing at Cassian. “I’m in the dark web.”

All eyes turned to Cassian. He looked like he was going to pass out. “You think . . . she’s being . . .” He couldn’t even say the word. Everything they had fought against in the Alliance, the assassinations, the sabotage, the infiltrations. It was all so people like Jyn - kind, thoughtful, trusting people - could be safe.

“Sold?” He forced out, his eyes starting to water.

Kes’s face turned red. Shara bit down on her lip, not wanting to imagine _that._  They hadn’t even considered the possibility.

Cassian sucked in a deep breath. _Not Jyn._ He knew what happened to women sold. Even in these modern times, they were often forced to do drugs for complicity and then from there . . . the highest seller. He tried to tamp down the nausea that consumed him. _Not her. No. He couldn’t let it get that far. He’d rather she build a weapon of mass destruction than let that happen to her._

Kay nodded his head solemnly. “We have nothing. Zilch. I don’t have anywhere else to look.” He paused before he turned back to the keyboard, as if waiting for Cassian’s permission to continue his dark search.

Cassian closed his eyes and nodded his head.

Kay went back to his search, his eyes tirelessly scanning the computer for any type of lead on Jyn.

* * *

 

She wanted to scream, she wanted to shout, bite, kick, hit any person that came in her room. _Her prison._ All she would get is a guard every day, coming in with a wrapped plate of food and water. Nobody talked to her, nobody asked her anything, nobody took her anywhere, _NOTHING._ And that sonofabitch Damián hadn’t come back. She was trying to hide the anxiety, the temper. They wanted her to break, they wanted a reaction and she refused to give in.

She was going stir crazy, frightening thoughts swirling through her head. _Why hadn’t they found her yet?_ She had hoped . . . prayed . . . that it would be like last time. Where they found her within two days. But it had been two weeks, fourteen days, 336 hours since she had been taken.

She missed home. _She missed Cassian so much_. She missed her family. Kes and his snarkiness and Shara’s bossiness. Kerrick and Randi and their unconditional love. She missed Bodhi.

 _Oh God, she hoped Bodhi was still alive_. He was her best friend and was so brave, so very brave in trying to save her that he risked his own life. She bit back a sob. She couldn’t even imagine what they were going through right now. Worrying about her. Wondering if she was dead or alive. If she was to ever be seen again. Her father disappeared for seventeen years.

The realization hit her hard when she thought of her father.  _Seventeen years. No. NO! I can’t. I can’t be gone that long. No._

A dark thought flew threw her mind. _But it’s not the Empire._

She pushed it out of her head. It was the Empire. It had to be.

She had looked through every single nook and cranny in her room, trying to find a way out. There weren’t any air vents for her to shimmy through,  just the lone window near the ceiling of her room. There was a certain time during the day when she could get a bit of faded sunlight on her face, but it was always lukewarm, no heat, as if the rays of sun couldn’t permeate the darkness of her room.

Sometimes she could feel the anxiety trying to claw its way out of her body. She refused to have a meltdown in front of them, to show them that she was weak. She went through the motions of her breathing techniques, would focus on a particular spot on the wall and think of a memory that would make her laugh.

_Kes’s wimpy reaction when she and Cassian pushed him in the freezing lake one summer._

_Or Randi taking them to Heavenly to go sledding after the slopes closed and Kerrick nervously looking out for her as she would try and best Cassian and Kes and sled down uncharted terrain._

_She thought of the first time she and Cassian kissed._

_They had been at the lake and he bought her an ice cream. She must of had chocolate all over her face because when she turned to him, he smiled gently and cupped her face, using his thumb to wipe the chocolate off of her lips. The intimacy of the act spurred her on and she kissed his palm, nuzzling her face into his hand._

_“Jyn,” he whispered. And then his lips gently captured hers, a kiss so sweet, so soft, so swift she almost missed it._

_That’s when she knew she was gone. Done. That Cassian Andor would be it for her._

So drawn into her memories that she barely noticed the door opening. She looked up and she couldn’t hide the surprise in her eyes.

Damián had finally come back to talk to her. And he did not look happy.  

 

* * *

Damián Mendez was trying to figure her out.

And couldn’t.

In his line of business, when you were kidnapped, you pleaded for your life, you would try and make a deal, you would bargain, you would lie, and finally, the last straw would be begging.

He got none of that from Jyn.

Instead all he got was . . . nothing. Just angry glares. Eyes that would shoot fire at his guards every time they walked into her room. He was waiting for her to break, to give in, to cave. 

He wanted her to cry.

And he got nothing.

He stared at the video screens, watching her movements, his head cocked at an angle, puzzled.

“I don’t get it,” he murmured.

“Get what, boss?” Rylan asked. Rylan was his right hand. His investigator, his guard, his smart-as-a-whip programmer. He was behind the tech that enabled the chaos on Jyn’s phone, her friends, her family. He was behind the power outage at her house, giving his strike team the extra seconds needed to take her.

“There’s something about her. I don’t understand why she hasn’t broke yet. It’s not normal.” Damián continued to observe her through the video.

Rylan nodded his head slowly and looked at the screen, the pain of rejection overshadowed with indifference as he studied her. “I get it. It’s as if she’s waiting this out. She’s not much for patience, from what I recall.”

“Do we have her full background yet?”

He shook his head. “Not yet. I have my team out scouring for intel but all we know is the Damerons adopted her at the age of 11. Court records are sealed.”

Damián scratched his chin, thinking. “We can’t hack in?”

“No . . . believe me, I’ve tried. Unfortunately, juvenile records are sealed tight.”

He raised his eyebrows at him, “I thought you could hack into anything?”

Rylan rolled his eyes. “Kind of hard to hack into paper files.”

He wrinkled his forehead in disgust. “Paper, seriously? So . . . we need to get someone on the inside. I have some judges that ‘owe’ me a favor in that county. Let me see what I can do.”

Rylan was about to reply but had to bite his response back. Damián noticed the hesitancy. “You have something you want to say? Say it.”

“Is she worth burning a favor?”

“I thought you agreed with me on this?”

“I do, I do. But . . .”

“Is it because you know her? Are you hesitating at my plan?”

Rylan scoffed at that suggestion. “Hmph. Hardly. I don’t think I ever really knew her.”

They both stayed quiet for a moment, observing Jyn, who in turn, was staring at the video camera, as if she knew they were talking about her. She glared at the camera before she turned her back to it, pacing up and down the room.

“Tell you what,” Rylan offered up. “Let me go down to LA. I’ll do this the old fashioned way. You work on her - question her. She knows you’re not going to hurt her. Maybe you need to put the fear of God back in her.

Damián stretched out his hands, cracking his knuckles, a sinister smile crossing his face. “Yeah. It’s about time I show her how I really am.”

* * *

He was all teeth and smiles and dark, dark eyes when he walked into the room

His gait wasn’t the lazy gait he had when Jyn saw him the first time. He walked with a purpose into the room, slamming the door. Jyn struggled not to react. She had gotten so use to the quiet, that the noise shattered her thoughts and she looked at him, defiantly.

“Do you know why you’re here, Jyn?” His eyes were gleaming. She could literally feel his anger at her.

She refused to look at him.

“Jyn.”

She ignored him.

“You might as well talk to me. Even though you’re not talking, I know what you’re thinking. You hate me. You hate this. You hate not being in control.”

She finally looked at him, her eyes shooting green sparks. “Why? Why am I here? Why did you take me from my home? What do you want from me?”

He cocked his head sideways, looking at her curiously. “You’re awfully calm for someone who’s been kidnapped. I wonder why that is?”

She looked away. She was so confused. All this time being locked up and nothing. No demands on her. No forcing her to program a stupid computer or kill a code. Nothing. She had an inkling. A thought swirling around the back of head, that she refused to acknowledge.

Because if she did, she was in more danger than she thought.

“Watched a lot of crime shows. Guess it’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” she flippantly replied back to him, smirking.

He nodded his head, scratching at his chin.

“Hmmm . . . or is it because you’ve always known this could happen.”

Jyn looked away. His taunting. His teasing. He was getting to that dark thought she didn’t want to admit.

He stood up abruptly and walked to her, getting in her space. She had to resist the urge to hit him, knee him in the nuts and run like a bat out of hell.

His hand cupped her face sharply, forcing her to look at him.

“C’mon Jyn. You’re a smart girl. Whose fault is it that you’re here?”

His fingers were digging into her face, his grip tightening. She could tell his patience was running thin, and didn’t know if she should provoke it. But the fear of retaliation, of getting hurt, kept her from moving from him, from lashing out wildly, trying to protect herself.

He pushed her up against the wall hard, frustrated, her head knocking back against it, the force ricocheting her head forward and then back.

“TELL ME NOW. WHY DO YOU THINK YOU’RE HERE?”

She stayed quiet.

He shook her again, so hard her teeth hit against each other. His hands started to close slowly around her throat.

_It’s okay, Jyn. You got this. He’s not going to hurt you._

The human noose around her neck got tighter.

Fear for her, fear for the baby, fear of dying washed over her in waves. He was killing her, cutting off her air supply. She could barely breath.

_I’m sorry Cass. I’m so sorry._

She finally broke.

“Cassian,” she gasped out, inhaling air. “It’s because of Cassian. He’s the reason why you took me.”

He let go of her slowly, a sneer on his face. “That’s right.” He turned to walk out of her room, looking at her over his shoulder.

“He killed the person I loved most in the world and now I’m going to do the same to him.”

She stared at the closed door and the room that had been her cave, her prison, and a small cry escaped her lips, tears leaking out of her eyes.  She leaned against the wall, sliding down until she was on the floor, taking large gasps of breaths.

_Cassian. She knew. She knew the minute they called her Jyn Dameron. They didn’t know what she could do, what she could build. That’s when she knew she wasn’t taken because of her dad._

_She was taken because of Cassian._

_Someone who wanted revenge against him._

_Cassian’s ledger was long. Too long. She knew he ached over the kills, the assassinations, the spying. But once he found out that it was because of him, that this was vengeance._

_He would break._

She twisted the charm on her necklace, thinking. It was taking too long. Something was wrong. They should’ve found her already. Her abductor was patiently waiting. As if he knew Cassian would come and rescue her and he was biding his time, waiting for the final showdown.

_To most likely kill her in front of him._

_And then kill him._

For one brief moment, Jyn hoped that Cassian didn’t know about the baby. About the little life they started. Because if she died - if they died - he would welcome his death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the timeline between the team and Jyn isn’t confusing everyone. From Cassian’s perspective, it’s been a month, but since there’s a few things I need to happen on Jyn’s end, I left her at the two week window in this chapter with other things to happen, eventually catching up to the month.  These chapters - with Damián and Jyn and their interaction were probably the hardest ones (and took me the longest) to write. Kudos to every single author out there that has created an OC. Freakin difficult as all hell. Kinda wished I had gone another route on the villian but oh well . . . 
> 
> Thanks so much for all the comments and kudos!!


	13. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally figures out why Jyn was taken.

Damián walked back into the room with a glass of water. A kind action contrasting with his demonstration of violence earlier.

“You knew this whole time?”

She had to think quick. They didn’t know who she really was. She couldn’t . . . there’s no way they could latch on to that. If they did, she would never see home again. They would take her, use her and discard of her. This stupid man, this idiot, would use it to his advantage.

She shrugged her shoulders. “Cassian’s a cop. Figured someone would want revenge sooner or later. There’s no other reason why you would want me.”

He eyed her intently, assessing her words. “Hmmm . . . so you know what he’s done, what he used to do?”

She refused to answer him.

He took her silence as affirmation.

“You know he’s killed people, right? Doesn’t even have the guts to kill them face to face but from a distance. The coward’s way.”

“Whatever he did, he did it to protect people. Protect his country.”

He laughed at that. “Is that what you call it? A man who murders people, you call him a patriot?”

“No! I call him a hero, someone who is willing to make sacrifices.” She thought of him leaving, of putting her safety, his love for her, above their own happiness. Cassian would do anything to make sure the people he loved were safe.

“Besides, whatever he did, whomever he killed that has your panties all in a twist, I’m sure they deserved it.” She said coldly.

She struck a nerve.

He lashed out, slapping her so hard she fell back, hitting her head _again,_ against the wall. Her vision turned blurry and for a moment, she went back in time, when she was little, to Krennic hitting her, slapping her, kicking her and she physically had to hold herself back from attacking. She learned self defense in college so she wouldn’t be helpless anymore. Shara had taught her to fight, Cassian had worked tirelessly with her these last couple of years. But this . . . being held captive, being pregnant. Having to worry about the little life in her - she had to hold it in, temper her reaction. Her fists clenched at her side and she glared at him, her face mutinous. She could fill her lip bleeding, her cheek starting to bruise from the force of the hit.

“He killed my father, Jyn. The man you love, the man you plan on marrying,” he spat out, “killed my father, right in front of me.”

Whatever hope Jyn had, in getting rescued, in hoping to escape, left. She knew - right then, right there, who her abductor was.

* * *

Everyone’s nerves were shot. Kay’s search into the dark web was fruitless. He was at the end of the line. Kay - for all his analytical reasoning, thoroughness, couldn’t find one single, fucking clue. There had to have been a reason why she was taken. If he could get to that reason, that logic, then they could narrow it down. If she was being ransomed, sold, being held captive to build a weapon, then they had a chance.

Draven and Melshi had returned back to the Alliance base, hoping to leverage government resources for any piece of intel. Kay stayed behind, staying vigilant in his searches.

Cassian was taking it the worst, his nightmares having returned. He had dark circles under his eyes, hadn’t eaten. He was already slim but now his clothes were borderline hanging on him. Kes would often find him at the lake, staring at it, as if trying to find the answers in the deep blue waters.

Today was one of those days.

“Cass.”

Cassian ignored him, staring at the water.

“Cass. C’mon it’s late. Let’s go grab some food and go home.”

Cassian turned to look at him, his eyes sad. “Do you think she’s still alive Kes?”

“Yes,” he said firmly. “Yes, she’s alive. Somebody took her for a reason and we may not find her now, or in the next few months but we will find her someday Cass. We can’t lose hope. We’ve lost too much already. I refuse to give up. She’s alive.”

Cassian continued to stare at him, trying to latch on to Kes’s hope and he just couldn’t. His whole life . . . he was bound to lose the ones he loved. He should have stayed away from her. He should never have come back.

Kes grabbed his shoulders. “Cass. Look at me.”

Cassian glanced up at him and Kes - for all his years of being tough, of showing no fear, nearly broke at the look of desolation in Cassian’s eyes.

“I can’t do this without you, Cass. We need to stay strong together, okay?”

Cassian numbly nodded his head.

“C’mon let’s get back to the house. Maybe _Buddy_ has some news for us.”

He smiled weakly at the affectionate name for Bodhi. For some reason, Kerrick could never latch on to the name Bodhi and still called him Buddy. Bodhi had tried protesting the nickname, grumbling at times that _Wicket_ was a better name than Buddy _,_ but he had given up. If having a silly nickname could get a smile out of the group, then so be it. They needed it.

They walked back to the house, where Bodhi was looking over the code from the hack on their phones.

“Anything Bodhi?” Cassian asked, trying to be patient, not wanting to pressure him.

Bodhi blinked at the screen, rubbing the back of his head. “I’ve been going over this code and there’s something . . . I can’t put my finger on it, but it looks familiar.”

“What do you mean familiar?”

Bodhi sighed, trying to figure out how to explain. He knew every single programming language - java, visual, html, xml. He could teach classes in it, he could recite it off the top of his head.

What he had a hard time doing - what he loved most about Jyn - was the ability to dumb it down, so the average person could understand it. That’s where in college, Jyn, was immediately seen as a leader among her peers - she had the natural born ability to confidently speak about her craft for people to understand.

“Bodhi?” Cassian questioned him.

“Every programmer has a certain approach they take when coding. You have the neat, organized code that Kay here probably develops. There’s a logical approach to how he programs. Classic textbook. Neat, efficient, to the point.”

They all turned to look at Kay who nodded his head in affirmation.

“Jyn, on the other hand, she sees the code in her head first and then puts it out on the computer, but it’s messy, jumbled and it may not work the first try, but by God, it’ll work the second try. Rather than go back and organize it logically, Jyn will write over the original code and overlay it with the new code.”

“And . . . this means, what?”

Bodhi yawned. “Sorry . . . I’ve been poring over this since this morning.”

“I’ll get you some coffee,” Kes offered, going into the kitchen, all the talk about computer codes wanting to make him yawn.

Bodhi continued. “Every programmer, based on their learning style, has a signature to their code. Like an autograph. Give me a hundred codes to look at it and I could pick out Jyn’s in a heartbeat.”

“This code . . . it’s familiar. I’ve seen _this style_ before. I just - ”

He was cut off when he heard Kes yell from the kitchen.

“Shar! Did you take the last cup of coffee? You should’ve made a fresh pot if you were the last one.”

Bodhi was about to admit that it was he who took the last cup and he didn’t know how to operate their stupid fancy machine when Shara yelled right back at Kes.

“You always blame the woman for everything. I didn’t even get any coffee today.”

Cassian had been looking at the code Bodhi had been reviewing, his eyes taking in all the characters. He froze when he heard Shara.

“What did you say Shar?”

Shara turned to look at him, obviously grumpy. “Kes always blames me for everything - dirty dishes, laundry, etc. You know he can pick shit up too. Not just me.”

“No before that?” His heart was beating erratically. He . . . it was right there . . . in front of him.

“Oh blaming the woman? Yeah Kes always does that. Lazy ass!”

Kes was grinning from the kitchen, sending a conspiratol wink towards Bodhi.

“Blaming the woman,” Cassian muttered. Shara stared at him, trying to comprehend what he was thinking. He had visibly paled in the last couple of minutes.

Then it hit her.

“We’ve been looking at this all wrong.” Shara whispered, her hand covering her mouth. “It’s not Jyn they’re after.”

All eyes turned to Cassian.

“It’s you.”

Flashbacks hit Cassian like a fist in the stomach - the kills, the torture, the sabotage.  Then Jyn’s face blooms in front of him, her mischievous grin marred with blood. His vision blurred for a moment before darkness engulfed him.

* * *

“Cass, Cass. Wake up.” Someone was shaking him.

“Cassian has slept - on average two hours a night - since this whole ordeal. It would be wise to let him rest. He’s useless to us if he doesn’t rest.”

_Kay_

His eyes felt heavy, crusty. His head was thrumming with a migraine. He sat up wearily to anxious faces peering over him. Kes, Shara, Kay, Bodhi.

“Cass, are you okay?” Shara asked him, rubbing his shoulder. “You passed out on us.”

His stomach grumbled. Loudly.

Kes pulled him up and sat him down at the table. “C’mon, you need to eat. When’s the last time you had a meal?”

Then he remembered. Before he passed out. _JYN._

He shook Kes off of him. “Jyn! We need to start looking at all my past -”

“We’re already on it Sleeping Beauty. While you were busy sleeping, I accessed the Alliance files. We’re building a list as we speak.” Kay motioned to the computer which was flickering with data, analyzing files.

Cassian started to breathe a sigh of relief. They finally had a break, something to go off of. His past. All the missions had finally caught up to him, his life, threatening everything he held dear.

He looked up at Kes, his eyes desperate. “This _is_ my fault. All of it. It was never her - it’s been me.”

Kes shook his head, grasping his shoulder. “We don’t know that for sure, Cass. We’re just looking at this from a different angle. We always thought she was taken because of who she was. As soon as we have something, we’ll flush it out. But you need to eat. You’re skin and bones, man.”

He dutifully picked up the sandwich in front of him and started chewing on it, grabbing a handful of chips. He began thinking of any mission that he could’ve been compromised, where someone would’ve wanted revenge.

The computer finally stopped flickering, ending it’s analysis with a dreadful beep. Kay looked over the screen, humming to himself, scrunching his face as he showed the data to Shara.

Shara took a look and couldn’t hide the grimace on her face. Cassian picked up on her reaction.

“What?” he said, a little bit too sharply.

Shara glanced at him, then back at the list, biting her lip.

“Just say it Shar. I’m a grown man, I can handle it.”

She turned towards Kay. “You want to take this one?”

Kay rolled his eyes. “Why does it always have to be me with the bad news?” He heaved out a sigh and turned towards Cassian.

“I entered in parameters on your missions. Losses, retrievals, threats, asset protection, asset expungement. The computer then filtered it for effects, missions that required a ‘clean-up’ of sorts, anything that had an undesired or unaccounted for outcome or impact.”

Cassian could feel his migraine coming back on.

“The list is long, Cassian.” Kay said, gently. “I . . . it’s going to take a while to go through this. Unless you can think of anything that comes to mind, we have to tackle each one individually and compare it to what we have.”

Bodhi was trying to comprehend what Kay was saying. They had essentially moved two steps forward but taken three steps back. It was going to take too long. It had already been nearly a month and Jyn was by herself, alone. _There had to be a way . . . something he could do to help._ Then it hit him.

“I have an idea.”

Kay continued talking, ignoring Bodhi, Shara and Kes both listening to him.

He spoke louder.

“I have an idea.”

All eyes turned to him.

“The software we were working on. The one for you, Kes. The predictive model?”

Kes’s eyes lit up in recognition.

“We could . . . I could and maybe Kay could help . . . we can reverse engineer it. Right now it’s programmed to take in all criminal data from NCIC, IBIN, NCB, SLTB - any database you can think of and predict areas of trouble, upcoming attacks. I could . . . uh . . .  the data from Cassian’s missions, I could tweak the program, enter in the data and it could give us probabilities, help us narrow down the list.”

Shara glanced over at Cassian. “Bodhi, there’s over 200 missions here. How far could we narrow it down?”

Bodhi’s eyes widened and he had to stop from automatically gasping at the number of Cassian’s _missions. Jesus Christ, how many people has he kill -_

“We could reduce it by 45%,” Kay said, automatically. “This would help. But we have to make sure Bodhi doesn’t screw up the algorithm.”

Bodhi glared at Kay. “Ummm excuse me, I was second in my class at MIT, asshole.”

“I was number one in mine.” Kay instantly replied.

“Yeah,” Bodhi challenged, “what university?”

Kay stayed quiet, a moment longer than necessary. “Berkeley.”

Everyone’s jaw dropped. “Berkeley?” Kes said, disbelief clearly written all over his face. Even Cassian had bit back a laugh, the gravity of the situation momentarily forgotten.

Kay looked offended. “Yes, Berkeley. My parents worked there. Fee waiver.” He said, as if that explained it.

Kes turned to Shara, mouthing _Berkeley_ to her. She shrugged her shoulders mouthing back what looked to be _the fuck if I know?_

“I weighed the pros and cons of me receiving a suitable education for free at a public university versus the ridiculous cost of private,” he said,

_quite haughtily Cassian thought fondly,_

“and figured since I was planning on going into government service, that it didn’t matter.”

“Um excuse me,” Bodhi interrupted, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with a private education.”

“Oh yeah, Bodhi?” Kay snarked. “Tell that to your student loans.”

Kind, patient, loving Bodhi, saw red. He stormed over to Kay. “You have no business in my student -”

“ENOUGH!”

Shara Bey had cracked the proverbial whip. She pointed to Kay and Bodhi. “You two? Stop fighting. NOW! You’re going to have to work together, very closely and very fast, to get this software up and running.”

“But -” Kay started.

“No. I don’t want to hear it. We finally have made some headway and we’re not going to fight like children. That may have worked under Draven and he’s not here so you two - get moving.” She snapped her fingers and both Kay and Bodhi jumped out of their chairs, running to Jyn’s office.

Cassian and Kes had the good sense to stay quiet.

Shara turned to Kes. “You need to run the official channels to Draven and make sure we get whatever approval we need to get the data on Cassian’s missions. If we don’t get the approval - then take it. Whatever means necessary, Kes.”

He nodded his head, jaw set and walked outside to make some phone calls.

Shara finally turned to Cassian, sitting down next to him. “You okay, hon?” She grasped his hand, tugging it to her. He looked over at Kay and Bodhi, who were quietly arguing while sneaking glances at Shara to make sure she didn’t hear them. He looked at Kes through the living room window, calling Draven on his cell.

His stomach was a tight ball of nerves. He wanted to hope so much that they were on the right path and if they were . . . if they were right, then everything really was all his fault.  

Shara squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him. He looked imploringly at her, his brown eyes, wide, fearful with a sliver of hope. “What can I do, Shar? Give me something. I need to do something.”

She looked over at Bodhi and Kay, frowning when she saw them arguing. “Cass . . . when they’re done. When that program gives us the list . . . we need,” she paused, trying to figure out the best way to to say it.

_How could she ask him to go back to being a monster. To get in the frame of mind when he hunted his targets, when he researched them, learned about their habits. She knew he had a hard time dealing with his past, his actions in the Alliance. The last time he tortured someone . . . she and Kes had to intervene, they couldn’t let him take that last step, going past the point of no return._

_So they did it for him._

He squeezed her hand.. “Shar? What? Tell me.”

The hesitation left her eyes, replaced by determination. “I know, you’ve left _that_ part of your life behind. But . . . when we get that list, once we find out the ‘most likely’ cases, we need the human element. Cass, you’re going to have look at every single mission, every assassination, every sabotage and figure out who would’ve taken Jyn. Do you understand?”

He nodded his head. He would have to revisit _that_ part of his life, the part he desperately wanted to forget. The life that burned him from the inside out, that killed a piece of him every day when he thought of it. But he would do it. He would do whatever needed to be done to get Jyn back.

Kes ran everything up through the chain of command with Draven. He had to listen for about fifteen minutes with Draven cursing in five different languages - Kes was pretty certain he had even resorted to Russian - before he finally calmed down. He was going to call Saw with the new details to see if he could ferret out information from Cassian’s past missions.

It took Bodhi and Kay a couple of days to reprogram Jyn’s software. Bodhi had become pretty good at hiding his facial expressions. Some of the data - he couldn’t help but not look at it. Cassian’s missions were . . . _rough._ Torture, death, blood. He had visibly turned green when he read the reports. The unintended casualities, the families left behind. He was beginning to worry that maybe the program wouldn’t give the intended probabilities, that they would come up with nothing.

But finally, finally, when he hit the ‘Enter’ button, a list popped up.

A long one.

Kay handed it to Cassian. “I was off by 8 percent. There’s little over a hundred missions on here where there is someone, some organization that has the capability to pull this off.”

Cassian visibly paled. He had hoped it would be less, maybe 50 or 60. Fuck. A hundred missions. They needed to pare this down.

“And all of these people have access to a helicopter?”

Kay nodded his head in affirmation.

“Bodhi . . . what about the hack? You thought you recognized the code, any luck with that?”

He shook his head. “I’ve been trying to place it and I can’t.” He ran his hand through his thick hair in frustration. “I . . . shit . . . in my line of work, when I was teaching overseas before working for Jyn, I’ve seen so many developers code, they start to blend together but I know . . . I know I’ve seen it before. Let me take a look at it again?”

Cassian nodded his head, looking at the list. He closed his eyes when he saw the first one on there. A bombing. He had killed a group of senior leaders in the Empire but three civilians - who were in the wrong place, at the wrong fucking time, had been killed in the blast. His intel had been bad. _Actions have consequences._  “I’ll start going over this but we may need Draven and Melshi’s help too.

He slept horribly that night, nightmares haunting him. All his assignments blended into one final one with Jyn dead and Cassian leaning over her, blood dripping from his hands. He finally got up and took one of Jyn’s sleeping pills, something Dr. Kalonia had prescribed to help with her anxiety. He knocked out but woke with a start, an app on his smartwatch buzzing furiously.

He stared sleepily at the watch until he realized what he was looking at.

_Jyn._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright - making up a lot of stuff on coding and programming. Bear with me here . . . Also slight cliffie but a slightly good one. Just a teensy bit.


	14. Faint Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn sees an opportunity. Bodhi makes a surprising discovery.

“How’d you two meet?”

Silence.

“C’mon. I thought we’re past the silent treatment now.”

It had been like this for days. Ever since she figured out who he was, he had come in every day. Asking her questions. They started off innocently enough. Where she was from, where she went to school, but he was getting more personal. As if he was trying to get something out of her. She was exhausted. The lies, the scheming, trying to keep him from finding out who she really was, it was all wearing down on her. On top of it all, the baby had started kicking. The first time it happened it had startled the hell out of her, like a tiny twitch in her belly and Damián had noticed, asking her what was wrong. _Everything’s wrong, she had told him, I hate being here. I hate you. He had promptly left her room after that, knowing she was in a mood._

He pushed on. “Soo . . . how did you two meet?”

She peered at him, taking in his appearance. He was leaning casually in her doorway. She briefly wondered if he had continued on with his father’s drug cartel business or if his death prompted him to seek an honest career path.

_Obviously not, or you wouldn’t be in this mess._

She stared up at the window, her hand clasped over her charm. She caught him looking at it and not wanting to draw attention to it, she answered him instead, a far away look in her eyes.

“We met when I was little. He lived next door.” she replied softly. Thinking back to the first day she saw him.

_She had just arrived at the Damerons the day before. Her parents had been fighting lately and had noticed a change in Jyn’s behavior. She was becoming more withdrawn, lashing out. Deciding she needed a change of scenery (and to get her away from Krennic’s watchful eye), they flew her out to visit Galen’s sister, Randi. They welcomed her with open arms and she loved the feeling of home with them. She was playing video games with Kes on the computer when Cassian had walked in, skinny and all legs and gangly arms, his sharp eyes taking in the newcomer to the Dameron’s household. Jyn glanced at him once and then went back to kicking Kes’s butt on the game. It wasn’t until Cassian mentioned bike riding that he caught her attention. She eyes him shrewdly, thinking. She could go play outside, ride bikes, have games of tag, with these two. She ran upstairs to change while Randi convinced Kes to take her bike riding with them._

“Ahhh, childhood sweethearts.”

He walked into the room, sitting comfortably on her bed. She inched closer to the edge, drawing her knees towards her, trying to put as much distance as possible between the two of them.

“Was he always a cold-hearted killer? Or did he learn that in the military?”

Her fists clenched at her sides and she had to bite her lip from lashing out.

“You don’t know a thing about him. He’s a good man.”

“I know he’s a killer. And you know that too. Do you think he can really change? That he’s happy being a ‘cop’,” he sneered, “in some honky tonk town? Can someone like that ever change? Do you think you’re enough to change him?”

“You have it all wrong.”

“Do I? I know everything there is to know about him. Do you know how many people he’s killed? I’m sure there are ones we don’t even know about. Bodies buried in a ditch to be forgotten.”

She shook her head, trying to ignore him.

“Cassian did what he had to do to. If you’re in his line of fire, then I’m sure there’s a reason why you’re there.”

“Tell that to innocent civilians who died because of his work.”

She couldn’t hide the look of surprise that flashed across her face.

Seeing it, Damián went in for the attack. “Didn’t know that did you? You think he was only following orders, ridding the world of bad people? Shall I give you a list? Do you want to know about the mother and sister who died from an explosion your lover set off? Or the father killed in front of his son?”

She wanted to cry. _Her heart was breaking for him._ No wonder why he had so much trouble forgiving himself. He couldn’t forgive what he did.

But she could. She could forgive him for anything.

She took a deep breath and turned to look at him, her eyes cold.

“There’s casualties in war. And your father was certainly not innocent. When did drug trafficking become an honest profession?”

(She felt like a hypocrite. Her father could’ve been called a terrorist. But he didn’t need to know that.)

His fists clenched at his sides and Jyn closed her eyes, tensing her body, preparing for the strike. He only hit her the one time but she could see she was getting to him, his nerves were getting frayed. He visibly took a deep breath and stood up from the bed, smoothing out his pants again.

“My father was a businessman. He did what he needed to do to survive in a country torn apart by war, drugs and poverty. Your _boyfriend_ didn’t have to do what he did. He made a choice. My father didn’t have one.”

He turned to leave the room, but not before he heard Jyn yell out, “ _But you did.”_

He slammed the door.

* * *

The guards were getting more lax, often times leaving the door open when they brought her food and water. They didn’t seem to think she was a threat anymore.

_Little did they know._

It was a new guard today - she had seen him a few times before but he wasn’t part of the team that had kidnapped her. She made sure she was always on good behavior when he came in, saying thank you and being polite, calling up Randi’s training in manners. She waited until he came all the way in the room and set her food down.

“Could you take a look at the faucet in the shower? It’s not working. I can’t get it to turn on.” She looked up at the guard through her lashes, appearing soft and innocent.

_She had used all her strength the day before to pull the faucet as tight as she could when she turned the shower off. It was a trick she used on Cassian, who would then have to call her in to untighten it, which then led to shower sharing and then they would . . ._

Not a good time to be thinking about sex.

The guard frowned at her and then glanced inside the bathroom.

She opened her eyes wide, her hands folded primly in her lap. “Please?” _The eyes always worked on men. Even on Bodhi._

He eyed her for a moment, taking in her size. _The guys had warned him about her - that she was a she-demon and had teeth like a piranha but all he saw was a young woman that didn’t even look strong enough to hold a cat._

He shrugged his shoulders and went into the bathroom to inspect the faucet, turning his back on her.

Big mistake.

Jyn clocked him with the shower head she had detached earlier and he fell in the tub, hitting his head - ironically - on the faucet he was supposed to fix.

He started cursing at her and she ran out, slamming the door behind her. It locked automatically from the outside, which gave her the time she needed to get away.

Jyn was small but she was fast, her short legs running through the hallway. She could hear the guard yelling, tugging at the door trying to get out. A gunshot went off and she faltered for a moment, worried he was shooting at her. She was in a house but it was huge. Hallways going in different directions. Stairs going up. Stairs going down. She looked around wildly, trying to find an exit when she saw a small glimpse of light, coming into a large living room at the bottom of the stairs. If she could get outside, she could hide, throw them off, and wait. If one thing Cassian had taught her over the past couple of years was patience. She could do this.

She flew down the stairs, taking two at a time, focused on the small piece of light. There were heavy curtains but a sliver of light peeking through and she ran through them, opening the door to get outside.

Her heart dropped.  

She was in the middle of nowhere. Snow covered mountains, pine trees, and clouds stood around her for miles. She was at the back of a house that led out to a sharp drop in the mountainside.  All that was laid out in front of her was nothing but sharp mountain tops. No homes. No next door neighbors. No city streets for her to seek help. She didn’t see a sign of civilization for miles. A thin road that carved up from the land below that led to the house but there was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

_I tried, Cass. I really tried. She thought brokenly. She grasped at her necklace, at the charms he had so lovingly given her. Please. God. Please help me._

The sun was weak, barely filtering through the clouds. She drew her face up to it, trying to stay calm, breathing deeply to avoid a panic attack.

“There’s no point in trying to escape.”

Damián.

“That was a stupid stunt you pulled. My guards . . . they’re not as patient as me.” He said, his voice soft, almost as if he was trying to warn her, trying to get her to be good.

She refused to look at him, focusing on the pine trees, the snow. She just needed time. She needed to breathe. She wanted fresh air, the feel of the sun on her.

“Next time you try that,” he said, his voice instantly turning cold, “they will beat you so bad that your own parents won’t be able to recognize you.”

_My parents are dead._

He came up to her, standing close and she stood still, didn’t want him to know she was scared. He grabbed her face hard, pinching at her cheeks. “Now get inside before I’m tempted to do it myself.” He let go of her cheeks and walked inside, leaving a red mark from his nails having dug in.

She stayed outside as long as she could . . . waiting for the final warning.

A shot went off and she flinched. She turned around to find the guard she got the drop on, blood dripping from his head, holding a gun.

“I’m not allowed to kill you but I can certainly hurt you. There’s nothing worse than getting shot. Get the fuck inside now.”

_Believe me buddy, I know._

She stared out at the snow one last time, clutching her necklace to her, the charms finally warm on her skin. She hid her smile as she sauntered past the guard.

* * *

 

Cassian jolted awake. Something woke him, startled him. His watch was vibrating. He tapped the app that was messaging him. A small map opened up on the app, zooming in.

_Jyn. She did it. It worked._

But then the map froze stopping at a broad view of North America.

He tapped at it furiously. _No. No. C’mon._ But the app stopped working.

Cassian ran downstairs. He needed help. He didn’t know enough about programming and computers. But someone else did.

“Bodhi,” he whispered, urgently, shaking him. “Wake up. I need your help.”

Bodhi got up from the couch, stretching his lanky body, yawning. “Cassian,” he mumbled, still half asleep. “What’s going on?”

Cassian glanced furtively around the house. Draven and Melshi were still at the Alliance base but Kay had chosen to stay at the house, camping out in Jyn’s office, sleeping for bits at a time when his eyes grew tired, staring at the loads of data he was analyzing. He was knocked out on the couch in Jyn’s office, snoring softly. Cassian couldn’t help but smile when he realized where Kay was sleeping, not knowing how Jyn and he _used_ that couch.

He motioned for Bodhi to follow him back to his and Jyn’s room.

“What Cassian? What’s going on?”

Cassian unhooked his watch and gave it to Bodhi.

“How involved were you with some of Jyn’s ‘projects’?”

Bodhi studied the watch, a puzzled look on his face.

“Uh . . . well we were both working on the predictive model for Kes and then she has me on Sparky. She also had me working on her energy cells, using the same theories behind Sparky on a smaller scale, powering smaller tools but for months at a time without having to recharge.”

Cassian hesitated before his next words. He needed . . . he had to . . . _Jyn trusted Bodhi._ He could do this.

“After,” he swallowed thickly, pausing. “After she recovered, I asked her. To develop something she could wear so I could find her. If I ever lost her.”

Bodhi’s heart started beating faster, eyeing the watch.

“She refused at first. Said I was being paranoid, that I needed to ‘chill’ but then some hikers on the PCT lost their son.”

“Did they find him?”

Cassian nodded his head. “Three days later, alive but malnourished and suffering from sun exposure.”

Cassian opened up the app, where it stopped on the image of North America.

“Knowing that she could do something to help lost children, she went to work on this but it was a prototype. She hadn’t perfected it yet.”

“The necklace she wears, the one with the charms?” Bodhi nodded his head absently, listening but still studying the app on the watch, tapping it to look at the coding.

“It’s like Sparky. It absorbs weather elements, wind, sunlight, moonlight. But Jyn was able to take it one step further. For every gust of wind, ray of sunlight, beams from the moon, Jyn was able to develop a GIS program, something that would map the density of the weather to a specific location, referencing latitude and longitude points.”

Bodhi’s eyes widened slightly. He had heard of this technology but only in theory. _Fuck she was a genius._

“She put this app on my phone but since she’s always in the same spot, either at the office or at home, it’s never gone off. But tonight, Bodhi, tonight, it went off.” Cassian looked at Bodhi, his eyes so hopeful, begging Bodhi to help him.

He examined the watch. “It didn’t go further? It just stopped here?”

Cassian nodded his head. “I know it’s not much to go on. But at least we know she’s alive. That’s she trying. Maybe she wasn’t outside long enough.”

“How does the signal get out? I’m sure they scanned her.”

Cassian smiled, proud of his girl. “It’s her necklace. She had it made of a metal that can used as an antenna.”

Bodhi looked up at Cassian and then to his shock, hugged him, hard. “This is good, Cass. Really good. We finally have something.”

He glanced down towards the stairs. “We need to tell Kay.”

Cassian wanted to wake Kay too but he was torn. He wanted so much to bring Kay into the loop. He was his best friend but Kay . . .  Kay was a patriot. He would be obligated to report anything to the Alliance and Cassian didn’t trust the Alliance right now. Not where Jyn was concerned.

Bodhi sensed his hesitation. “You’re worried the Alliance is compromised? That Kay will report back?”

He nodded his head slowly, hating to admit to it. _When did he become such an untrusting bastard?_

 _The moment you realized that the organization you lied for, killed for, couldn’t care enough to keep you and your loved ones safe._  

Bodhi patted Cassian on the shoulder. “Listen Cass - I’m working on this software with Kay. And I understand where you’re coming from but we need to bring him in the loop. I’m smart - fucking smart but Kay is brilliant. If we all put our heads together, we might be able to find Jyn sooner. There could be something we’re missing that Kay will find.”

He still hesitated. Finally he spit it out.

“She’s pregnant, Bodhi.”

The look on his face was priceless.

“Huh?”

“She’s pregnant. We’re going to have a baby.”

Bodhi’s eyes watered and he swiped furiously at the tears, smiling at Cassian. “Seriously, she’s pregnant? Congratulations!” He pulled Cassian into another hug and then pulled back from him, just as fast as he hugged him, suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation.

“Ohhhh . . .”

“She’s pregnant, and alone and has been missing a month and she’s being held hostage by someone who wants revenge on me.” 

_Cassian wasn’t anything but glass half-full._

“We definitely need to tell Kay, Cass. He can help us. This . . . her being pregnant . . . you don’t even know how much this could narrow down the list.”

Bodhi raced downstairs, Cassian following. To their surprise, Kay was wide awake, going through Cassian’s mission files. He handed Kay Cassian’s watch showing the map of North America.

Kay frowned down at it. “And what do you expect me to do with this?”

Bodhi explained the map and the technology Jyn used for her tracking device. Even Kay looked impressed at the sheer boldness of her device.

“There were theories . . . in school and even in R&D of this type of tech. I can’t believe she did it.”

“Kay . . . will you be able to plug in the data on this? Will it help narrow down the list?”

He looked up at Cassian, his eyes blinking fast, shining in the dim of night. “Yeah, definitely. Once I classify your missions based on geographic data and -”

Bodhi nudged Cassian with his elbow, trying to be discreet but Kay still caught on.

“What? What else aren’t you telling me?” 

Bodhi was bursting at the seams. _Yes, Jyn was still in danger and life sucked right now but there was going to be a baby. A little baby. He was so excited - he just wanted Jyn home safe and sound and - by God - there was a baby!_

“Jyn’s pregnant,” Cassian added weakly.

“You are an idiot -”

_Okay that wasn’t the response Bodhi had been hoping for._

“For not telling me sooner.”

Cassian stood still - shocked at his friend’s choice use of words.

Kay was mad. Really mad.

“Do you know the sheer amount of data points I’ve been running, trying to find her? Brown hair, green eyes, I listed her favorite foods, her shoe size, her clothing size, drugs, alcohol, anything needed to subdue someone. Anything needed to FEED someone.”

Bodhi and Cassian stared at him blankly.

“Both of you are idiots.”

“Helloooo . . . pregnant women? Morning sickness, certain foods that don’t get them sick. Drinks. Things they don’t need.”

They both still looked like they didn’t understand.

“Monthly things?”

_Oh._

“Pregnant women are more likely to drink ginger ale, saltines, ginger candy, toast, things not with flavor. How far along is she? If she’s past four months, then she won’t have the morning sickness but the cravings will kick in.”

Cassian remembered the junk food on the kitchen table the night she was taken.

“Chocolate,” he whispered. “She loves her chocolate when she’s in a mood or has a craving. And salt.”

“Exactly. I could’ve added those parameters in. It’s not guaranteed - I mean her kidnappers could be starving her for all we know -”

Cassian visibly paled.

“But Jyn’s cunning. She would’ve figured out a way to get what she wants.”

Kay shook his head. “Idiots.” Then he turned back to the computer and began typing, ending the conversation.

Feeling dismissed, Bodhi turned to Cassian. “I’m going to head to the office today. There’s only so much I can do on my laptop here. I want to run some algorithms on the hacker’s programming and I can get it done faster there.”

Cassian let out a breath, as if all the tension he had been holding in since Jyn had been taken was finally making its way out of him. He clapped Bodhi on the shoulder, “Okay. Be careful and call as soon as you find something.”

“We’ll find her, Cassian. We have hope now.”

Hope was all Cassian had left.

Bodhi was relieved to get out of the house. He had bunkered down in there for the past month, leaving the running of Jyn’s business to one of their front line managers. He looked at the clock on the dash of his car and figured no one would be in the office by the time he got there. He just didn’t want to have to deal with questions about Jyn or when he was coming back. His primary focus had been trying to help them find her. 

The office was eerily quiet when he walked in, the lights from the monitors illuminating the space. He logged onto his computer, calling up software logs he had kept ever since he graduated from college. He had worked as a program development trainer abroad in London for several years until the company he worked for was bought out by a larger company in South Africa. It was at that time Jyn had contacted him and asked if he was interested in her start-up. His partner, Luke, was also entertaining the idea of moving back to the states so they both bid farewell to London and moved to Northern California, often times going back and forth between Sacramento and San Francisco, where Luke lived. It was a lot of commuting at times but thankfully, he could work from home or Jyn always offered up her home if he needed to meet her up the hill. 

His thoughts strayed to Jyn.

He still had a hard time fathoming everything she had been through and he was none the wiser. He knew all about Cassian leaving her, when she ran off to college, but everything went so much deeper than that. Her father, her abusive stepfather, her mother dying. No wonder she was such a mess that first year at MIT. Cassian leaving her to go back into the military had been the catalyst for her - that she was done trusting and loving people. Guys had tried to hook up with her, wanted long-term relationships but she could never settle down. He thought that maybe Ryl-

_Rylan._

The three of them had been the holy trinity in college. Professors called them dangerous liaisons. Bodhi’s mad programming skills, Jyn’s sheer genius, Rylan’s hacking abilities.

_Now he knew where he had seen that code, that signature. That mother fucker, goddamn sonofabitch._

Bodhi started typing furiously into his computer, pulling up his college files from the cloud. They had worked on a few group projects until one semester, Rylan, just mysteriously left. Rumor had it that he was offered an insane salary at some start up and just upped and left. Bodhi figured it was that combined with the fact that Jyn had rejected his advances when she wasn’t ready for a new relationship.

(She never would be.)

Once he accessed his files, he pulled up the code from the hack. The logic was exactly the same.

 _Fuck I need to call Cassian._ He fished his phone out of his pocket and was about to make the call when he heard a voice from behind him.

“Put the phone down slowly.” 

Bodhi slowly turned around, the phone in his hand and came face to face with his college friend, his buddy, his classmate.

Rylan looked at Bodhi’s computer screen, his eyes roving over the data on both monitors. “The minute I heard you were still alive I knew you would figure it out. Put the phone down now.” He raised a gun at Bodhi and he heard the telltale click of the safety being released.

Bodhi looked at him, confusion clearly written all over his face. How did this man, this friend he once had, who couldn’t hurt a fly get mixed up in this?

“I see you have questions? Unfortunately, you’re not going to get the answers to them.” Bodhi saw the tiny movement of his trigger finger and tried to move but it was too late. The bullet hit him with such force he fell onto the desk, his body flopping on the floor. He could feel the blood pouring out, the fire burning inside. _No. I need to call Cassian. They need to know._ But all coherent thoughts left Bodhi as he succumbed to the darkness calling out to him. 

* * *

Rylan typically never did the wet work for Damián. He had other, trained professionals to handle that aspect of the business. But after his search in LA proved fruitless - it was nearly impossible to get into those court records without actually being a court employee - he drove up to Sacramento, hoping to get some insight into Jyn at her office. He also needed to get Bodhi handled. Bodhi and Jyn were the only ones that would recognize his coding and if he was made, then he could be tied back to Damián. If this ploy blew up in his face, Rylan needed to make sure he wasn’t connected to it. God forbid he get caught by the authorities. He was already on a watch list. But worse would be if other cartels got a hold of him. _Dismemberment and death. Oh no . . . there was no way he was getting caught._

He had been trying to figure out how to get to Bodhi. He had been holed up in Jyn’s house ever since they took her and it had been damn near impossible to get close with that hulk Kes and she-demon Shara Bey nearby. He figured Bodhi would have to report into his office sooner and later and had been waiting patiently. As luck would have it, no one else was around which would make it easier.

He stared down at Bodhi’s still body, feeling a touch of regret. He briefly remembered the fun times they had in college. The beer runs, the parties, the all-nighters programming shit just for the hell of it. Then everything had gone to hell when Jyn rejected him.

Everything.

He looked around the complex, locating Jyn’s office towards the back. He picked the lock and went in, slowly walking around the office. He looked at her bookshelves filled with photos of her and that killer Cassian. He was over her, didn’t have feelings for her anymore but seeing the likeness between him and Cassian, the brown hair, brown eyes, slight build, a slight twinge hit his belly. He had obviously been nothing than than a placeholder for her.

He rummaged around her desk, opening drawers, looking for anything that could give him a clue on her background. 

Then he found something.

A photo with a young girl, a woman and man. The girl was obviously Jyn - he could see the color of her eyes burning back at him even though the photo was old. The woman was short with messy brown hair but a determined look on her face and the man . . . Rylan looked at the man. He looked or rather Jyn looked exactly like him. He snapped a photo with his phone and then sent it to his lead tech asking him to run facial recognition on the couple. He eyed her computer and debated trying to hack into it but was worried about time. He needed to catch a flight back to Denver. Damián was no doubt waiting for him.

He walked past Bodhi’s body, not giving him a second glance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear when I started writing this I never intended to have so many cliffhangers. But at least it's not Jyn or Cassian related, right?


	15. Everything to Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian receives devastating news.

* * *

 His side was burning. Like seriously, it was on fire.

_FUCK._

He was in so much pain. He felt like the bullet was literally burning him from the inside out.

Again.

 _Kay’s odds suck, Bodhi thought as he lay on the floor, unable to move._ He needed to get up. He needed help, emergency help. He needed to call Cassian but his phone - he couldn’t see it. It was so dark in the office, the computer lighting throwing shadows in the darkness. He tried to roll over to his other side and hissed out in pain, putting pressure on the other fucking gunshot wound he got a month ago.

_Who the hell gets shot twice?_

_Bodhi Rook does, that’s who._

_He was going crazy. He lost too much blood. He was starting to talk to himself._

He felt light headed, like he was going to pass out. His limbs felt heavy as if no matter how much his brain told them to move, they couldn’t.

“ights.” His command barely a whisper. The office remained dark.

_Goddamn voice recognition._

“Lights,” he said, with a bit more oomph.

Darkness.

“GODDAMNIT LIGHTS!”

Lights flooded the office. His eyes squinted at the sudden brightness. He was still laying on the floor, weak, but needed to find his phone. The office had no desk phones - new ones these days rarely did. Communication was _so_ electronic, often times done via chat, email or a google doc. It didn’t make sense to install phones, especially if everyone had a cell.

He was feeling more faint. _Fuck, I’m going to pass out. I’m going to die. In this shitty office with no one around me._ He rolled over again, and nearly fainted from the pain of the new wound. But that’s when he saw it, his phone having dropped to the ground a few feet away from him after that dick Rylan had shot him.

He inched his way slowly towards the phone, slithering across the floor like a dying snake, barely able to move.

_I’m pretty sure by moving I just shortened my life span._

He finally reached his phone and could barely type in Cassian’s contact info. His hand was shaking so badly, his vision blurring. He breathed a sigh of relief when the call went through.

“Bodhi, what’s up?” Cassian’s voice, was alert as if he had been standing by waiting for him to call.

“Rylan,” he muttered. “Rylan. The hack. It’s Rylan.”

Cassian couldn’t understand his mumbles. “Ryland? What? Bodhi, what are you talking about? Is that some kind of software?”

Bodhi coughed,weakness and pain flooding his body.. “Cass . . . I . . . I’m not gonna make it. Call 911, I’ve been shot.”

And with those last words, Bodhi dropped the phone and succumbed to the dark.

* * *

Cassian stared at his phone, trying to comprehend what the hell just happened. Then he started shouting orders. “Kes - call the police. Bodhi’s been shot - he’s at his office.”

Kes turned to look at him, already dialing 911, shock clearly written on his face. “What the fuck is going on? Who the hell gets shot twice? In less than a month.”

He quickly gave the info to the dispatcher and then hung up, calling Kerrick. “You stay there with Cassian. Seems like things are coming to a head. I’ll go down the hill,” Kerrick offered.

“Did Bodhi just call you and tell you to call 911?” Kes barked out. “What the hell is wrong with him? He should’ve called 911 first. Who the hell shot him?”

Cassian was going over the conversation. “He kept mumbling Rylan. Rillan. I could barely understand him.”

Kay suddenly stopped typing away. “Did he say Rylan?”

Kes turned to Kay, “Do you know what it means?”

Kay raised his eyebrows, his mouth grimacing slightly. “Rylan Cruz was the young man Jyn was involved with in college.”

He saw Cassian’s fist clench up.

“Briefly,” he added. “Very briefly.”

Cassian closed his eyes, trying to think. He remembered coming back from a mission and was going over Jyn’s surveillance, thinking he would see her studying or hanging out with Bodhi and instead he came back and she had been . . . kissing him. Jealousy reared its ugly head. He had no right, no right at all to be jealous. He remembered Jyn telling him not too long ago that nothing had happened.

_“Cass . . .  you know there wasn’t anyone else right? I tried to move on from you. God, I tried,” she said, her voice shaking. “But I could never . . . no matter who I went out with or who I may have kissed, I could never do anything more. Because all I ever wanted was you. Nobody else was enough.”_

_He looked at her, nudging his chin into her hands. “But I thought, I saw you with him. Once he turned off the lights, I had to leave. I couldn’t stand to see you with him. With anyone.”_

_She shook her head. “Nothing happened. When he kissed me - “_

_Cassian flinched, looking away. She grabbed his face, pulling it towards her, resting her forehead on his._

_“He wasn’t you. All I could think about was you. It’s always been you, Cassian. I never stopped loving you. Even when you left - I couldn’t stop. I tried. God how I tried. But it’s always been you. Just you.”_

“I don’t understand,” Cassian said. “I thought . . . I thought we were looking at my past cases. What does this guy _Rylan_ have to do with it.”

Kay turned back to the computer and logged into the Alliance database, looking up his name.

“There’s nothing much after MIT. He left the university during the middle of his sophomore year. He doesn’t have any social media profiles, nothing.”

Cassian closed his eyes, trying to think. _Rylan was at MIT with Jyn._

_MIT._

_Bodhi._

_Jyn._

_Who else?_

Then it dawned on him.

There was one person that would know.

He made a phone call.

* * *

Draven was going through Cassian’s missions. Kay had parsed out some to him and Melshi to look into while they tried to narrow down the list. His stomach clenched at some of these assignments. Cassian had been so young, looking for something, looking for a place to belong and he had capitalized on that. Turned him into a spy.

He regretted every moment.

He was so done, with the spying, the lying. The government he had trained under was different. Mothma had become a politician, trying to accomplish diplomacy through peace and transparency. People didn’t want to know of this dark world they lived in. A world where terrorist threats were thwarted every day. By people like Cassian, Kes and Shara who were willing to sacrifice everything for a cause, for their family.

He huffed out as he read through another mission, almost becoming lost in his musings. He was startled (fuck he was getting old) when his phone beeped with an incoming call.

Cassian.

“I need a favor.” No hello boss, no Hi Draven, nothing. Just a cold ask.

“I told you I would help no matter what. What do you need?”

“Rylan Cruz. I need you to call Saw and get more information on him.”

Draven didn’t need to ask if they checked the Alliance database. Kay was always thorough so his name must have come back with only bio data.

“Saw will know who he is?”

“Yes. He went to school at MIT with Jyn and Bodhi. He’s the one that was behind the hacks on our phones and at our home.”

“I’ll call you once I’m done talking to Saw.”

Silence. A pause. Then -

“Thank you,” Cassian said, quietly. “I appreciate it.”

Draven hummed at the gratitude. “No problem,” he said gruffly, then hung up and put the protocols in place to call Saw.

Nobody ever called Saw directly. The man was fucking paranoid as fuck. He changed the contact drops daily and only one person he trusted had the drop boxes. Draven left a message in some random drop box, marking it urgent and then waited patiently. He received a text on his phone with a code which would expire within one minute. Ten seconds later he received an IP address which was set to auto crash in 20 seconds. If you were too slow, had fat fucking fingers and couldn’t type worth a shit, then you were screwed. Thankfully Draven had mastered the art of contacting Saw and was attune to his paranoia. He accessed the website and entered the code all in under 45 seconds. From there he entered another code which would than transpose into a phone number (from a pre-approved burn phone, of course.) Draven added 911 to the code just so he knew the urgency of the message. It was rare for him to use 911 with Saw.  The last time had been when Jyn had been taken. And the time before was when they destroyed Galen’s satellite, needing Saw’s tendency for mayhem and chaos to set a distraction.

He drummed his fingers against his desk, waiting for the call back, thinking of the whole situation. He couldn’t believe none of them - _none of them_ \- had thought to look at Cassian’s past missions. They had been so focused on Jyn, thinking she was taken for _who she was_ not _who she was with._

His phone chirped, startling him again. _I am getting old._

_Saw._

“What do you know about Rylan Cruz?”

“Why?”

Draven rolled his eyes. “Because I want to fucking friend request him on Facebook! Why do you think?” _Fuck Saw was in a pain in the ass_. He put aside his annoyance and answered him. “Rylan was behind the hack on their phones, their home intrusion. Our records show that he was at MIT the same time as Jyn and Bodhi yet we can’t tie him to any of Cassian’s missions.”

Saw  was unusually quiet. Then he started speaking.

“Rylan was one of the top students at MIT. Aside from Jyn and Bodhi of course. They were good friends and then all of a sudden, Rylan stopped hanging out with them.”

He paused, waiting for Draven to catch on.

“Jyn?”

“It was obvious he had feelings for her, whether he acted on them, I don’t know.”

Draven recalled the surveillance of Jyn, Cassian furious, agreeing to take on more missions. “He did but they weren’t returned.”

“Hmm . . . I figured. I caught Rylan hacking into the student system, looking up Jyn. At first I thought he was with the Empire, tracking her. Had my guys rough him up but he was just a dumb kid with a broken heart. But then he became obsessed. Started following her, taking photos of her. He tried sabotaging Bodhi’s grades - I think he thought Bodhi was the reason why Jyn didn’t like him. He was stalking her and she didn’t even know it.”

He took a deep breath.

“He was too much of a danger, an unknown. With everything going on with Jyn, we didn’t need an additional complication. I had him expelled. He lost his student visa and he was deported back to Mexico. I kept track of him for a while but last I heard he had been working tech for one of the cartels. Figured his life span wouldn’t last that much longer.”

Draven sucked in a breath.

_Cartels._

_Oh . . . holy shit._

Draven knew exactly who had Jyn. And she was in more danger than they thought.

* * *

 

Cassian hung up the phone, his body numb. He had just spoken to Draven. His act of mercy - not killing the son of the man who murdered his parents - is what would kill Jyn.

“Kay.”

His friend turned to him, a questioning look on his face.

“Bring up Operation Good Neighbor.”

Kay looked at him as if he was bat shit crazy. “Cassian, that’s not even on our list. There was nothing after the mission. Assassination successful. In fact some of the other cartels - they wanted to give you a medal because it immediately opened up trafficking lanes for them.”

Cassian looked at Kay sadly. “There was family. We left it out of the report. There were witnesses but I,” he looked down, remembering the young man with his father’s brains splattered all over his face, “I couldn’t - _the no witnesses -_ I couldn’t do it. So Draven left it out of the official report.”

Kay eyed him shrewdly, calling up his databank of a memory. “That’s when you left? When you went back home?”

He nodded his head. “I was supposed to go home before that mission but . . . Draven and I made a deal that it would be my last one.”

“But you came back. The Empire.”

“Yes. Draven discovered a drive with surveillance on Jyn and that’s when he called me back.”

Kay didn’t say anything else, accepting the explanation. He turned back to the computer, bringing up the specific mission file. He whistled low in his throat as he read through it, then started typing furiously, pulling up data.

“Rylan Cruz went to work for the Mendez cartel when he returned back to Mexico.”

“And the leader of the Mendez cartel?”

“Damián Mendez - the son of Gabriel Mendez. He’s the youngest cartel leader out of all of Mexico’s cartels. He’s even younger than some of the ones in Colombia and Eastern Europe. Apparently he assumed control of the family when his father was kil - - uh died. However there’s no mention of him taking leadership until he was in his twenties.” He stopped reading out loud and skimmed over the data, his stomach roiling at some of the information. Now he knew how Damián assumed power so fast. Violently. Very violently.

“Bring up everything you can on Damián Mendez. We need to know every single property he owns, where he’s visited the past two years, we need his electronic footprint, anything we can find out.”

Kay went back to work but then stopped and turned back to Cassian. “Cassian.”

Cassian was already on the phone, ready to call Kes, when he put the phone down. “Yeah Kay,” he said, impatiently. They needed everyone on this. They finally had a lead.

“Are you sure you can do this? You . . .the last time with Jyn, it was personal and she barely survived. This . . . this ‘mission’ and her background with Rylan, and your history with the Mendez family, can you handle it?”

He wanted to lie and say yes, he could handle it. But with Jyn’s life on the line, their child, being taken by a psycho drug lord, he didn’t know how much more he could handle. So instead he told Kay the truth.

“I will do whatever it takes, Kay. I’m in this all the way.”

* * *

Jyn was huddled on her bed, trying to hide the cramping and nausea. The baby had been doing so well but for some reason today, she didn’t feel too good. She was tired, hadn’t been sleeping well, her sleep overcome with nightmares, where she would see Cassian and he would turn away from her and then shadows would drag him away. Saw, Krennic, Damián. They all took him away from her and then killed him, dumping his battered and bruised body on her bed.

Her door opened and Damián walked in with cookies, chips and a soda. She normally didn’t drink soda but damn if she didn’t have heartburn. He must have noticed she picked at her food, snacking when needed.

There was something different about him. He was on edge but the bright look in his eyes, as if he was waiting for something. Ever since her stunt with the security guard, he had been the one to bring her  food. Normally he would leave but today he stayed in the room, looking at her expectantly while she finished her meal.

“What?” she said sharply. She wanted him out of her prison. She wanted him to leave her alone.

She wanted to go _home._

A smile he had been hiding crept on his face. Then he handed her a slim video camera.

Her heart started beating rapidly. _No. No. She wouldn’t do it. No._

She shook her head. His smile stayed in place. “It’s time Jyn. Make the video.”

“Why? Why now? All this time, you could’ve done it. What’s changed?

“Think your boyfriend finally figured out who took you,” he said, matter of factly, without a care in the world. She looked at him, shock clearly written all over her face but then she blinked and the shock was replaced by indifference.

“Does it matter?”

Damián smiled at her, his teeth gleaming. “Oh . . . yes. This is what I’ve been waiting for. I’m going to send him that video. Then I’m going to call him and he’s going to beg for your life and offer himself up as a trade.”

“I just don’t understand why it took so long for him to find you.” He eyed her, as if he knew she had been keeping a secret.

She met his stare head on, her gaze unflinching.

“Probably had a long list of _assassinations,_ ” he spat out the word, his lips curling up in distaste, “he had to go through. Makes you think that if it took him this long to find you, how many people he’s really pissed off.”

He nodded towards the camera. “Go on. Make the video.”

“No.”

“Either make the video yourself or I’ll ask my guards to do it while they hold a gun to your head. And believe me, they will not be gentle.”

She closed her eyes. The video would kill Cassian. No matter what. If she was being roughed up, threatened, it would be worse for him. She took a deep breath, trying to gather what strength, courage she had left, and flicked on the camera.

Gabriel threw her a newspaper with the date.

“You said you watched a lot of crime shows so you know what to do.”

She turned the camera on her and then held up the paper and moved to stop the recording.

Gabriel shook his head at her. “Jyn,” he chastised, “this could be the last time he hears your voice. Don’t you want to say something?”

She had no words. No words to say how much she loved him, how she missed him, how she wished for more. Wished that they were safe. But right now, everything was stacked against her. _Against them._ Her necklace obviously didn’t work - otherwise he would’ve found her already. She couldn’t leave him with just this. This last video. And she refused to beg for Damián.

She looked sadly at the camera, powering it one, a single tear falling down her cheek. “Hi Cassian. I’m okay. I love you. The Damerons tell them that I love them. I’m sorry. I’m not hurt. I’m okay. I will be okay. I miss you. It’s time. We needed more time. I’m sorry.”

She snapped the camera closed and threw it at Gabriel, who easily caught it with one hand. He slipped the camera in his pocket, had the gall to tell her thank you and walked out.

She fell on the bed and turned her back to the camera that was always on, always watching her and wrapped her arms around her stomach, crying silently for they life they could have had.

* * *

Cassian’s stomach was churning. He had to force back the bile that was threatening to make an appearance. He had finished reading everything Kay had given him on the Mendez cartel and it was _bad._ They had money, power, global political figures in their back pocket. Business dealings all over the world. The son had ascended to power ruthlessly. While the father had made gentlemen deals, the son had used brute force, striking out other cartel leaders as soon as he could, killing their families, their children, anybody that would give him reason to lose his power. He read the files. Damián Mendez was a sadist, a narcissist and an egomaniac. _And he had Jyn._

Kes had come back from his parent’s house, leaving Shara there with Randi. Kerrick had called in from Sacramento and thankfully Bodhi was going to survive. Another flesh wound but enough blood loss where Bodhi had passed out. Cassian briefly wondered if Bodhi was actually more scared of blood which would explain all his fainting episodes.

He shook his head at Bodhi’s dumb luck. He was lucky. _They were lucky._  Kerrick was going to stay with Bodhi until the hospital released him and bring him back to their house.

Kes was reading the file, his face paling as he went through the data, his fists clenched at his side. Cassian’s phone vibrated with a text and he grabbed it, thinking it was an update from Kerrick.

It was an unknown number but a video was attached to the text message.

His heart started beating rapidly. He knew, he knew. He knew what it was. What it could be. He didn’t want to open it. He didn’t want to know. _They were too late. They took too long. Bodhi was the final chess piece before they killed Jyn._

“Cass?” Kes looked up at him, questioningly. “Who’s it from?”

He ignored Kes and hit play on the video.

He never knew relief could live with grief at the same time. Not until now. It was Jyn. She was alive. _Thank God she was alive._

But she looked so small, so tired. Dark circles under her eyes. He noticed the purplish bruises around her neck, the black eye, the welts on her wrist. She had positioned the camera so it could take in her whole body and he paused when it centered on her stomach and he noticed it.

_The small little bump._

Their child.

He prayed his eyes weren’t deceiving him, that he wasn’t just imagining the bump but he replayed the video again. It was there. They were okay. _She was alive!_

Kes took the phone from him and watched the video, viciously swearing when he took in Jyn’s appearance, the bruises.

“I’m going to kill him,” he muttered out loud. “If you don’t kill him this time, I swear I will Cassian. I don’t care. He’s as good as dead.”

Cassian didn’t have the sound on his phone when he watched the video. He turned the volume on.

He wished he didn’t.

Her words, what she thought would be her last words to him, broke him. _We needed more time._ He looked at the video again and he could see her struggle to keep her emotions in check and the tear that rolled down her cheek. He sobbed out and handed his phone back to Kes, his body heaving with emptiness.

Kes played back the video. “I’m definitely killing him.”

His phone rang. Again, an unlisted number.

He answered it, didn’t bother with an obligatory introduction. He started off right away. “Take me. Me for her. That’s what you want, right? Damián? My life for hers. You have it. Just let her go.”

He had the nerve to laugh. “I see I found your weak spot, Agent Andor.”

“I’m no longer an agent. You know that. So let her go. She’s an innocent in all this.”

“Hmmm . . .she’s just as innocent as my father, who you killed. You’re lucky I didn’t take anyone else you care about. Randi Dameron? Shara Bey?” he teased.

Cassian bristled at the innuendo.

Kes saw red and grabbed the phone from Cassian. “YOU GODDAMN SONOFABITCH. I am going to find you and kill you, you hear me? I promise I will find you and kill you! You lay one finger on my mother and I will rip your heart out!”

Cassian tried grabbing the phone from Kes, who twisted out of his reach. “Get Andor back on the phone or I kill Jyn now. Right now!”

“Kes, please,” Cassian pleaded with him. “Give me the phone.”

Kes clenched his teeth and handed the phone back to Cassian, his dark eyes furious. Damián was going to die. This cartel was going down.

“The next time Dameron loses his shit, I cut off a finger. You better tell him to calm the fuck down, Andor, or I swear I’ll send your girlfriend to you in pieces.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. He’ll stay away. I promise.” Cassian said, trying to soothe him. Kes could be downright terrifying when he lost his temper and Shara was even worse. They needed to keep their cool. Maintain composure. They couldn’t let him get to them.

“I’m presuming you saw the video. That Jyn is alive and well?”

The memory of Jyn’s video brought back all the anger, the hatred. His fists clenched, he wanted so bad to yell and scream and make threats. He pushed it down, locking it away. He needed to be calm. He had to do this for Jyn. He had so much to lose.

“Yes, I received it. I’d like to speak to her in person though.”

“No.”

Cassian debated whether or not to push it but didn’t want to risk sending Damián over the edge. “Fine. What do you want?”

“That depends on you Andor. What you value more. Her life.”

“Hers.”

“Or the life of hundreds of Alliance agents. One life for theirs.”

Cassian stilled, his eyes widening in shock.

_No._

_No._

_It was just his data that was hacked. At least he . . . they had been so consumed with trying to find Jyn. He never thought that others had been compromised._

Kay who had quietly been trying to track the call glanced sharply at Cassian. Then he rushed to the computer and began typing in commands, swearing viciously under his breath.

He looked at Cassian and nodded his head.

The hack was bigger than they thought. Past Alliance agents, Kes, Shara, Melshi, _Kay._ Damián had data on all of them and more. Ready to go to the biggest seller.

Kes stared wide-eyed at Cassian, realizing the implications. Then a stubborn look crossed his face. “We all knew what we signed up for Cassian. Jyn’s a civilian. She’s the innocent we all set out to protect.”

Cassian agreed. He was not trading Jyn.

“Jyn. The Alliance agents all knew the risk.”

Damián laughed. “Really? I should’ve known you’d let hundreds of people be at risk for your own selfish reasons.”

“What do you want Damián ? My life too? Fine, me for Jyn.”

“See Cassian, you’re missing the most important point here. I’m sure you’ve read my file. You think I want vengeance? Sure. That’s what I _wanted._ But Jyn changed all that.”

Cassian stared at Kes, who gave him a confused look.

“But at the end of the day, I’m a businessman. And I just found out that I can make a lot more money off of Jyn and no vendetta is worth that price.”

_Shit. He knew! He fucking knew. He found out. FUCK FUCK FUCK._

“See . . . I wondered why it took so long for you to figure out it was me. That genius friend of yours should have found me weeks ago. Plus it was very obvious she was hiding something. I mean c’mon, you used to be a spy and you didn’t teach her any tricks at all? I’m so disappointed.”

Cassian clenched his teeth, waiting for him to continue.

“I had no idea the treasure I had.”

“I did some research. You know the going price right now for her? I didn’t realize the _Erso_ name was worth so much. $20 million. And the data? I can make $50 million off this deal.”

“So this isn’t some phone call to give you one last chance. It’s over. You've lost. You’re never going to see her again and you’re always going to wonder what happened to her. And once I sell that data, there’s going to be a price on your head and your friends. You’ll never have peace. You’ll always be looking over your shoulder and if you think your government can save you, they can’t. You, Kes, Shara. Your boss, Draven. You’ll be found no matter where you go.”

“That video wasn’t to show you proof of life. It was to show you what you’ve lost.”

He hung up.

Cassian slumped against the wall, sliding down against it. They were all speechless. _No. No. It wasn’t going to end this way. They had to find her._

“Kay.”

He shook his head sadly at Cassian. “The signal bounced from satellite to satellite. I couldn’t get a location.”

Kes was shaking his head. “No. No. It can't end like this.” He looked around frantically, as if trying to find something to take his frustrations out on. “I need . . . I need to call Shara.”

Cassian motioned to the door. “Go.”

Kay was about to speak but hesitated. “Cass . . . I went into the dark web to try and find Jyn again and I found something.”

He gulped. “There’s a lot of buyers. None of them have the capacity. But this group . . .  they’re called the First Order. They . . .have the means for the purchase. They don’t have the backing or the organization like the Empire did but with someone like Jyn on their side, it gives them leverage. Also if they get the data, that will buy them favors from other terrorist groups. They could make the Empire look like a small time gang if they do this.”

Cassian refused to believe it would end like this.

“We need to find her before he moves her. We probably have twenty four - forty eight hours at the most. When you did a property search, does the Mendez cartel have any properties in North America?”

Kay came back with a list. There were too many. He had properties all over the place. Miami, Los Angeles, Manhattan, Dallas, Denver. How were they going to narrow this down?  How did this cartel leader end up buying so many properties in the US? He was right under the Alliance’s nose, giving them the middle finger, conducting his business and the government was none the wiser.

Jesus Christ.

He rubbed his eyes in frustration.

“Cassian. May I see the video he sent of Jyn?” Kay asked quietly.

He numbly handed his phone over to Kay. He went to hit play but then looked back at Cassian and grabbed his headphones, plugging them into Cassian’s phone. Cassian watched him while he watched it, wondering if he was trying to figure out any kind of clue of where she was being held.

He played the video a few times, his face frowning, then his eyes widened.

“What Kay, what?”

Kay typed out Jyn’s message verbatim on the computer and then started muttering to himself, looking at the words, switching them in front of others. He took off the headphones and then looked at Cassian and . . .

Smiled.

“Her syntax is off. Her speech pattern. The words she uses. _The Damerons._ Why say their last name and not Randi or Kerrick. She specifically emphasized the end of a sentence or a thought. Jyn is a fast speaker. She communicates physically, with her hands, her emotions. Here - there’s nothing in her expressions.”

He went back to the computer and brought up a screen. It was Jyn’s message typed out but he had highlighted the first letter of the second word of each sentence or what she had tried to imply was the end of the sentence.

_COLD._

_SNOW._

_MTNS._

“I knew Jyn was smart, Cassian. I even conceded to the fact that she has a higher IQ than me. But this . . . she used an acrostic code and it’s simple and easy but to think of this on the fly? She’s a fucking genius.”

Cassian was afraid to ask. He was afraid to hope. “Does . . . this narrow it down?”

Kay nodded his head, smiling. “The Mendez Cartel only has one property in a cold weather area. It’s his private chalet in the Rockies. He’s less than a two hour drive from the Alliance base.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re finally getting there - it took almost 9 chapters of everyone trying to figure stuff out. Hope I didn’t scare you guys with Bodhi - I tried to explain why Bodhi always passes out. In his mind, he seriously thinks he’s dying but really, I think the poor kid is seriously frightened of the sight and smell of blood.
> 
> Also yes, I know - plot hole - why does a Mexican cartel have properties in the U.S. and I’m gonna go with the whole keep your enemies close nonsense.


	16. Choices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team prepares to rescue Jyn.

They sprang into action. Cassian immediately called Draven giving him an update on everything they had found out. Draven in turn called Saw who started digging for more intel on the First Order. Draven told Cassian he would get a surveillance team on the property until they arrived in Denver. They had to move fast. There was no telling how soon Damián would move Jyn but Kay had estimated it would take him two days to close down his property and transport Jyn outside of the U.S. to where he would trade her to the First Order. Strike teams were assembled. In case they failed on U.S. soil, Saw had teams in place internationally but they prayed it wouldn’t come to that. The Alliance would lose control of the situation if they had to move globally.

Draven’s order for a surveillance team came back declined.

“What the fuck is this, Melshi?” He shouted at his right hand who was given the shitty assignment to give him the bad news.

Melshi shook his head. “I don’t know, boss. Mothma’s PA just got back to me.”

Draven called Mothma.

“What the hell is going on Mothma? Why was my order, MY order, not yours declined?”

“Davits,” Mon said cooly, “You’re requesting surveillance on a private citizen that lives on US soil with no evidence.”

“Mon - he has Jyn. We _know_ he has Jyn. He also has confidential data - no thanks to you,” he added, quite snarkily, “on all our agents and is going to sell it.”

“My hands are tied Davits. Mendez has way too many judges in his pocket. If I authorize this, he’ll find out.”

Draven looked at the phone. Mothma was afraid of a leak. That’s why she officially declined it. Then how the fuck was he supposed to get the resources?

He’d have to go rogue. Thereby ending his military career.

_Well he’d been wanting a change anyways._

He gave Mothma the correct answer. “I understand Mon. Order declined, I’ll withdraw the request. However, open your right hand desk drawer and put in yesterday’s date.”

Mon Mothma, thousands of miles away in DC, opened up her desk drawer to a white envelope addressed to her. _How the hell did that sneaky old spy get in her office?_ She opened up the envelope which had a letter to her from Draven announcing his retirement. Date not entered.

“Very well Davits. Congratulations. It may take HR a couple of days to do your separation paperwork.” _Which was code for get your shit taken care of now._

“Thanks Mon. Enjoyed working with you. I’ll be in touch.”

The Alliance hadn’t heard the last of Davits Draven just yet.

* * *

They  met off site at a safe house Draven secured under Melshi’s name. They all knew there was no going back after this. Disobeying orders, unapproved surveillance. Draven had assembled both a surveillance team and a strike team and every team member knew what was at stake.

(Saw was already recruiting).

Cassian looked at the team and then at his own group. Kay, Kes, Shara and Bodhi. Bodhi, who had insisted on coming, pleading that he could help with communications. They had an SUV full of weapons, hiking gear, bombs and laptops. Mendez’s property had over fifty guards on site, armed to the teeth. There were motion sensors, trip wires. Due to the isolation of the chalet, they could see anybody coming from a distance.

Cassian was looking at the blueprints of the property. Melshi pointed to a room on the third story.

“We think Jyn’s being held here. We had drones circle the area early this morning and they came back with varying heat signatures. This was the only one where there was one female heat signature. All the other rooms had multiple.”

“How can you tell the difference?” Shara cut in.

Melshi looked at Shara and visibly gulped. Kay saved him. “The female body temperature tends to run two-three degrees higher than a male.” He glanced at Cassian and then at Kes. “With the exception of when Kes is around you or Cassian around Jyn, then their temperatures tend to rise considera -”

“Okay we get it Kay. No need for detail.” Cassian cut him off. Shara tried to hide a laugh but failed miserably.

Cassian considered their options. If they drove, Damián would seem them coming immediately. It would give him too much time to move Jyn and sell the data. They needed the element of surprise.

“Air support?” He asked Draven.

“Too loud. We can get a bird but they’ll hear it and we can’t afford to get in an aerial fight. I say we get as close as possible,  take some Cats to the base of the mountain and hike the rest of the way up. Once we get within range of their sensors, Bodhi can hack into their system and reset it. Same with the cams. We’ll do what we did at Scarif. Do a video loop so they’re seeing the same image. As soon as we infiltrate, then we send in the Apache.

Shara whistled low in her throat. “You requisitioned an Apache? I’m for sure piloting that beast.”

Draven scratched the back of his neck. “Uh . . . didn’t exactly go through Requisitions. Let’s just say Melshi here procured one for us.”

Melshi was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Okay you guys enough shop talk. Let’s get back to business.” Cassian was getting impatient. They needed to move. Time was critical.

 _I wish we had more time, Cass._ He could hear Jyn’s message over and over again. And even though he knew she planned it, trying to get the code out, her words, her message, still stabbed him in the heart every time he thought of it.

Draven pointed back to the blueprints. “We need to take a majority of their guards down first and then send in the chopper.”

Shara snorted. “You can’t call an Apache a chopper, Draven. That’s just plain rude.”

“Babe. Pay attention.” Kes saved her from Cassian’s frosty glare.

“Mendez has a helo on site. It’s an MI-26 - one of the fastest.”

“Not faster than an Apache.”

“Right, Shara, not faster than an Apache. But we still need to disable it and then take out his fleet in the garage. We cut all transportation ties, corner them up there and they’re done. There’s nowhere for them to go.   

Cassian stated the obvious. “Nowhere for us to go either.”

“Right. As soon as we lose the element of surprise, I have a Pathfinders group coming in hot with SUVs. Just in case. Ideal scenario is we don’t need them and the situation is under control by the time they get there.”

He nodded in agreement. “Are we set?”

A chorus of yes’s echoed through the group.

“Let’s roll.”

* * *

Something was going on. The house was active. She could hear people walking back and forth, going up and down the stairs, low murmurs, doors shutting and closing. She thought she even heard the faint rumble of a helicopter or an engine being tuned up.

They had gone back to keeping her handcuffed to the bed. For some reason, they weren’t taking any chances with her. Her wrists, hands ached from the constant rubbing of the metal against her skin. The baby was kicking furiously, wanting her to position her body a certain way. Which of course was the opposite way her hands were bound.

She leaned her head against the wall, breathing deeply. She hoped they understood her message. It was her last chance, her only chance, to get a message to Cassian. Her stomach was twisting and turning at the thought of what lay ahead. She had so much to lose. So much. _They won last time. They beat the bad guys. Krennic, the Empire. All of them._

_Granted she almost died doing it._

_But they could do it again. They could win._

She just needed to have hope. The baby kicked her- _hard -_ right at that moment. She smiled down at her stomach. _Yes, message received critter. I’ll do whatever I can to protect you. Protect us._

Her door opened suddenly and the guard she had clobbered with the shower faucet walked in with water and crackers. He glared at her as he sat them down on her bed. He was about to walk out the door when she coughed, pointedly looking at her handcuffs.

“Need my hands to eat asshole.”

He glared at her and walked back to unlock one of her hands out of the cuffs. “It’ll be nice once you’re gone. Boss is getting ready for that.” He turned to leave.

Her stomach dropped. _She was running out of time. They were going to kill her._

“Why don’t you do it?” she taunted him. “Payback for making you look like an idiot in front of your psycho boss.”

He paused, turning around slowly, grinning at her.

“Oh.”

“You think he’s going to kill you? Honey, you’ll wish you were dead once he’s done with his plans for you. You’re getting sold to the highest bidder, baby.”

_Highest bidder?_

No. No. He wouldn’t. He . . . there was no point in selling her. She wouldn’t  . . . she couldn’t . . . why? He wanted revenge so badly, he wanted to hurt Cassian in the worst way possible. Selling her wouldn’t give him that. _Not unless . . ._

Her stomach heaved and she couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see. She yanked, and struggled and used all her strength to pull away from the bed, but it was a futile attempt, her wrist only chafing more against the metal.

 _No. No. No._ He knew. Damián fucking knew. _He found out who she really was._

She needed to escape. She had to get out of here. There was no fucking way she would be a weapon for the highest bidder.

_No fucking way._

She was going to have to put her life, her baby’s life at risk so she could try and save both of them.

She was going to have to fight.

She tugged relentlessly at the handcuffs, desperately pulling and tugging, until her skin started bleeding and she could feel her wrist straining  . . . _oh fuck her wrist . . ._ With one harsh tug, she heard the pop and bit back the scream as she looked at her mangled wrist, hanging limp, _freed from the handcuff._ She ripped off the pillowcase from her bed and clutched her wrist to her chest, using her good hand to wrap the pillowcase tightly around it and tying it with a knot, using a combination of her teeth and hand.

Her vision whited out at the pain but she pushed it back and slid off the bed, heading towards the bathroom.

_Now she just needed a weapon._

* * *

 “What’s our ETA Kay?

“Ten minutes less from the last time you asked.”

They had been hiking steadily for three hours, taking a direct path up to the chalet. Cassian kept looking at his watch. It had been a full day since Damián had called him. He was getting antsy . . .  they were cutting it too close. Any moment, he could take off with Jyn and this mission would fail. He would lose her. He would lose his family.

Cassian went over the assignments as they hiked.

“Shara, the minute we get there, I need you to disable all his modes of transportation. The helicopter, the SUVs, his snowmobiles. We have to corner him.”

She moved to object. Shara was an ace pilot but she was a fighter. A damn good one. Probably better than all of them. He cut her off. “Shar. You’re the only one here that can disable an MI. Let alone his vehicles. If we need access to them, I need someone that can get them started again.”

“Will there be guards by them?”

“Definitely.”

She nodded her head. As long as she got to crack someone’s head open, she was happy.

“Kay, Kes. I need you on the data. Find his server room and the data. The minute we breach, the minute he finds out we’re on sight, he’s going to make a move for Jyn and to send that goddamn data.”

“Hostiles?” Kes asked.

Cassian looked at Draven for confirmation. “Shoot to kill.”

He nodded.

Cassian turned towards Melshi. He had his sniper case in hand and they had reached the point in the road where Melshi would have to hike another mile up to get to a point on the mountain that would put the chalet in his sights.

“Melsh.”

Melshi gripped Cassians arm.

“Be careful up there. There’s no one on your six.” Everyone stared at Melshi, patting him on the arm. They all remembered the last time he was sniping and barely survived.

Melshi grinned at all of them and then started running his way up the mountain.

Cassian contacted Bodhi as soon as they reached the woods that led to the back of the house. Bodhi had stayed behind at the safe house to monitor communications while Kay went with the strike team. He had given Cassian a device that needed to be physically close to the chalet so he could hack into their network using Bluetooth rather than the Wi-Fi to get in.

“Bodhi, are you in?”

“Hold on Cass, it’s logging me in now.”

He could hear Bodhi quietly tapping away on keys murmuring to himself. He remembered how he would see Jyn when she worked from home, pounding away on the keyboard, yelling at the computer whenever it wouldn’t do a command. _No wonder why those two worked so well together._

“Okay Cass I’m in.”

Cassian gave Kes the thumbs up. Now all they had to do was wait for Melshi to get in position.

“Bodhi . . . can you . . . do you have  . . . can you see her?”

Silence.

“Bodhi.”

“Yeah Cass hold on . . . I’m doing the video loop right now.”

He clenched his hands, fingernails digging into his palms. Kes was staring at him, impatiently tapping his leg.

“Okay . . . hold on . . . I’m getting into the room surveillance right now. Let me see if I can patch the feed to your phone. It’s about a two-second delay from real time so the image may go stale every few seconds.”

Cassian stared at his phone, holding his breath.

It felt like minutes, hours, days before finally an image popped up . . . and he saw her.

He breathed out. _She was okay. She was alive._

He took in her appearance. The picture was so clear, so bright. She was sitting huddled on the bed, a pillow covering her lap. He could see her hands were chained to the bed. Some kind of bandage, stained with blood, covered her wrist.

His heart. _Fuck. His heart. He was going to have a heart attack._ Rage washed over him. She was being treated like an animal, chained up. But he could see by the look in her eyes the same rage. She was up to something. He didn’t see the defeat he saw in the message Damián sent him. He didn’t see the look of lost hope.

He saw fire.

Bodhi interrupted him. “Cass . . . you guys need to start moving now. Damián just went into  Jyn’s room and she - HOLY SHIT, she just clobbered him with a pipe. Now. Cass. NOW!

His heart dropped into his stomach. Shit - they needed Melshi. For this to work, to be successful, Melshi needed to drop the guar-

Then he heard it. The low whistle, bodies thumping to the ground and Melshi’s cackle over the phone.

“Guys, GO.”

* * *

The door to her room opened suddenly and all of Shara’s training, Jyn’s time learning self-defense, Cassian’s patient teaching all focused into one lesson and Jyn sprang, swinging with all her might the shower head at Damián’s face, the tool hitting the side of his face, cutting a deep gash in his eye. She heard a loud crunch and saw blood spray out of his nose.

Her wrist screamed at her in pain and she swallowed it back, using her leg to kick out at his knee. He grunted as his knee buckled and he fell to the ground.  She moved to run out the door when a hand grabbed her ankle - _fuck her bad one_ \- and she fell to the ground, rolling to her side to avoid a direct hit to her stomach. She kicked out, her foot connecting with something hard and tried to wriggle out of his grasp but his hold on her was tight. She rolled over on her back and lifted her back up, readying herself to kick out him again but he twisted her ankle sharply to the side and she cried out, curling up in pain.

The next thing she knew he was lifting her up, his arm over her throat. She struggled against him, throwing her elbow into his stomach but his hold on her was too tight. Her body was getting tired, but she had to keep fighting. It was now or never.

“Stop fighting me,” he growled out, his arm tightening around her neck. “There’s no point.”

She was on the verge of passing out when she heard a gun go off.

* * *

They infiltrated the chalet, shooting to kill. Cassian, Kes and Kay immediately ran up the stairs, Bodhi providing them directions over their headsets. Shara and Draven stayed on the ground level.

Cassian ran past a room and noticed the computers and monitors and pointed to it. Kes and Kay rushed into the room but stopped immediately when they saw a figure over a keyboard.

“Hands up now!” Kes shouted, his gun leveled at the man.

Rylan Cruz had his hand hovered over the keyboard.

Kes saw it. The tell. The tiny muscle movement that meant he wasn’t going to listen.

His arm twitched and hand moved.

Kes shot him through the head.

His body slumped forward . . . right over the keyboard.

“Guys, guys,” Bodhi called out over the headset. “I’m seeing an outgoing transmission. What the fuck is going on?”

Kes turned to Kay, his eyes wide. He heard screams coming from further up. _Jyn._ Then he heard shots coming from the basement. _Shara. No!_

“Fuck, fuck, fuck. Kay.” For once in his life, Kes didn’t know what to do. _Jyn, Shara._ The two women he loved most in the world.

“GO! Shara’s probably fighting a platoon - Cassian’s got it covered. I got this. GO!” Kay stepped past Kes, and tossed Rylan’s body to the side and looked at the screen. The data hadn’t sent yet but it was preparing. It was a huge file and he could see the status on the screen slowly trying to inch its way out into the dark net.

“GUYS,” Bodhi shouted. “YOU NEED TO SHUT THIS DOWN.”

“I’m working on it Bodhi.” Kay was calm as ever but Bodhi could hear the slight edge of desperation in his face.

Kay entered in all the kill codes he knew, called on all his programming power but it wouldn’t shut down. He tapped out codes but Rylan, he was fucking clever. He had programmed the computer to not shut down the minute the enter key was hit.

“Kaayyyy.” Bodhi was trying not to nag but it was taking too long.

“Goddamnit Bodhi. I’m working it. Give me a few minutes.”

Kay stepped back from the computer and eyed it, looking at the power source. It was connected to a main server which was then connected to a larger databank of servers. Kay could hear shouts and thumps coming from upstairs. _Shit what the hell was going on up there._ Bodhi was yelling at him over the headset, telling him to keep trying different commands.

He blocked out all the noise, the yelling, the fighting, the shooting coming from downstairs (Shara and Kes no doubt) until all he heard, all he could focus on was white noise.

He then came to a stunning realizing.

There was no way to shut it down.

Then Kay, the computer genius, the person who always told everyone to properly shut down their computers every night went to his last resort.

He pulled out his gun and sprayed bullets at every single piece of hardware in the room -  computer towers, monitors, servers, he hit multiple times, shards of glass, plastic, cords, flying all over the place.

Silence.

Then -

“Kay, Kay. Are you still there?” Bodhi’s voice frantic.

“Yes. Bodhi. I’m still alive. Thank you for -”

“Did you just shoot the servers?”

“I did. Did it work?”

He could hear tapping, then a muttered curse and then finally . . .

A laugh.

“You fucking lucky SOB. The file stopped sending. It’s hung up.”

Kay allowed himself a moment of weakness and sank down into the chair, resting his head in his hands. For once in his life, pure luck defied the odds.  

* * *

Cassian ran upstairs as if his life, Jyn’s life depended on it. He looked for the bedroom Bodhi had told him had Jyn in it. He could hear fighting, grunting, thuds, smacks and then the sound that killed him the most - a whisper of a scream.

_Jyn. No._

He burst into the room and saw Damián had her in a choke hold, Jyn limp against him, nearly unconscious. He raised his gun and pulled the trigger but the bastard had twisted around and the bullet barely missed him. He still had a hold of Jyn and Cassian aimed his gun at him again.  

“One more step Andor and I kill her.” Damián pulled out a gun and held it to her side, pulling Jyn in front of him.

He looked at her. Really looked at her. She was staring at him, her green eyes alert again, having regained her strength back after nearly passing out.

“Cassian, don’t. He’ll kill both of us -”

Damián pulled her tighter to him, digging the gun in her ribs. “Shut up, shut the fuck up.” He was losing it. He could hear the commotion in the house, he knew he had been breached. His well laid out plans were going to shit.

Cassian recognized the desperation in his eyes. All he had left was his vengeance. He would kill Jyn no matter what.

Cassian put his gun in his holster, slowly putting his hands up, studying Damián carefully. He noticed his hold on her relaxed slightly.

“You have me. You got me here. Let her go.”

“Why?” Damián cried out. “Why should I let her go? You killed my father. You wrecked my family. You made me into this. This is all YOUR fault, Andor. Her death will be your fault.”

He was getting more agitated. Which is what Cassian was counting on.

“Your father deserved to die!”

“Bastard!” Damián abruptly let go of Jyn and rushed at Cassian. He anticipated the tackle and braced himself for the hit, wrestling with Damián, his gun clattering across the floor. He smashed his fist in his face and Damián fell to the floor. Cassian began pummeling him, visions of Jyn, hurt, her bruised and battered body, his parents being shot, clouding his brain. He kept hitting and hitting until Damián’s face was a bloody mess and he had stopped fighting back, nearly unconscious.

Cassian grabbed his gun. _This ends now._

“Cass, no!”  

_Jyn._

He looked back at her and she was limping towards him. “No. Cassian. You got him, he’s done. He can’t hurt us anymore.”

He turned back to look at Damián, then looked at Jyn. At her mangled wrist, the purple bruises on her throat, the cuts on her face.

He shook his head at her. “Don’t stop me, Jyn. He was going to kill you. He’ll keep coming after you. It ends now.”

He raised his gun.

“Cassi, please!” Jyn cried out. “You can’t. Don’t do this. You won’t come back from this. He can’t hurt us now.”

His hand started shaking.

_He remembered the look of devastation on Damián’s face when he shot his father, his brains splattered on the young man’s shirt._

_He remembered his own parents bleeding out, Cassian crying, hiding under the bed._

_Then he remembered Jyn. Eleven years old having just lost her mother and a recent beating from Krennic and she was more concerned about him and his trauma._

_He remembered her brightness pulling him from the dark. Still tugging him from the shadows._

His hand fell limp.

Jyn gently took the gun from his hand and he slumped against her, sobbing out.

“It’s okay” she murmured, wrapping her arms around him, biting back a wince at the pain in her wrist. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.”

He clutched on to her tighter, burying his face in her neck. God, he had missed her so much. She was safe, here in his arms.

“Jyn. My God, I’ve missed you so much.”

He could feel her tears on him, and he pulled back, wanting to look at her, see her face, her smile, her eyes.  

She was staring past his shoulder, her eyes full of fear. “Cass,” she whispered.

_Damián had a gun in his hand and it was pointed at Cassian’s back._

A shot cracked through the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry - my action writing leaves a lot to be desired but at least we finally got here. 
> 
> Next chapter to be posted very, very soon.


	17. Leftover Chances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn struggles with the consequences of her actions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry a bit of a short chapter here . . .

 

He was dead. Jyn stared at him, at the messy hole in his chest, the gun hanging limply from her hand. Damián was dead. 

_ She saw Damián raise his gun towards Cassian. No way. Not again. Without hesitation, she grabbed Cassian’s gun from his holster and shot him, pulling Cassian to her, trying to draw him in, protect him from the danger he had been oblivious to.  _

She pulled back from Cassian and heaved. She killed someone. A living, breathing human being. She . . .  _ how did Cassian do this for a living . . .  _ she just . . . she had to protect him, she didn’t even think twice. 

She was still looking at Damián, at the blood flowing from his chest, his eyes blank, the life shut out of them. 

“Jyn.” 

_ Cassian.  _

She closed her eyes and turned away from him, gasping out, trying to breathe. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her hair. 

“It’s okay, honey. Just breathe. It’s okay,” he murmured, trying to reassure her.  He recognized the signs. He remembered his first time killing someone. He had cried afterwards, ashamed. Even though the man had been an arms dealer, selling weapons to a terrorist group. It was why he never went back home after being in the military. Why he stayed away for two years. He couldn’t bear for Jyn to see him  _ dirty.  _ He felt that he didn’t deserve her, her brightness, her smile. Her. 

She turned into his arms, mumbling into his chest. “I . . . told you not to kill him. And I did. He was . . . he would’ve killed you. I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t let him take you from me.” She started sobbing, her whole body shaking.

“Shh . . . baby. You need to calm down. It’s okay. We’re okay. He would’ve killed us. Killed you. That bullet could’ve hit you.” He felt her draw in a deep breath, realizing what could’ve happened to her, to the baby. 

He cupped her face, her green eyes brilliant against the tears, the pain. “Jyn . . .,” his hand lightly drifted over her stomach and she sucked in a breath. He could feel the hard little bump and he tucked her in tighter to him. “Are you okay? Is the ba -”

He couldn’t finish his sentence before Jyn’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and she passed out, crumpling to the ground. 

“Shit!” Cassian exclaimed. “Kes, where are you? Jyn needs help - she’s unconscious. We need to evac her now!” 

He heard a static and then Kes’s voice rang over the earpiece. “On my way up, Cass. Got a bit overloaded down here.”

Cassian knelt down next to her, feeling her pulse. It was faint, she was breathing but her breaths were hitched, as if she was having a hard time getting in air. He traced the lines of her body, trying to feel for any type of wound that would’ve made her faint. He felt a knot at the back of her head, her wrist was wrapped up in -  _ fuck - was that a pillowcase? What the hell had happened to her?  _ He carefully unwrapped it and hissed in anger when he saw her wrist. It was swollen, the skin puckered red from the metal chafing against the skin. He wiped angrily at the tears that threatened to spill from his eyes. She must have pulled her wrist out from the handcuffs in the hopes of escaping. 

He bit back the nauseous feeling in his stomach.  _ Jyn. His girl. His love.  _ He couldn’t even imagine the pain she had endured. 

_ And it was all his fault.  _

“Son of a bitch.” Kes came rushing in, kneeling down next to Jyn. Shara and Draven both following him. He took in Jyn’s appearance and swore angrily. “Goddamn mother fuckers. Cass, I swear I’m going to kill every single son of an asshole that is in this goddamn cartel.”

Shara pulled out the first aid bag they had brought with them on the trip. She didn’t see any immediate injuries. Most likely the stress, the anxiety, everything she had endured finally caught up to her. 

“Shara,” Cassian whispered. She looked up at him and he had gone white as a sheet, his eyes dark against his pale skin. He r heart broke. She could see the sheer panic in his eyes, the desperation,  remembering the last time they were in this situation when Jyn was literally bleeding to death.

Draven glanced from Cassian to Shara and then back at Jyn, at Cassian’s hand laying softly on her belly, understanding flashing across his face. He immediately started barking orders.  “Shara - go and get that chopper ready. Kes, Cassian, help me lift her up and carry her - gently - you fools - down the stairs. She’s okay and I’m sure the baby is fine. This happens to pregnant women sometimes - especially in high stress times. She’ll be okay but we need to get to her to a hospital ASAP.”

They stared at him in shock. Draven rolled his eyes. “I’ve been through three pregnancies with my wife. You think being married to me is a walk in the park? High stress you guys. High stress.”

_ Married?  _ Kes mouthed to Cassian. He shrugged his shoulders. The man was a fucking spy. Who knew how much shit he had hidden away. 

Cassian focused back on Jyn. He was praying Draven was right but as he looked at Jyn, helpless, her bruised and battered body cradled against his chest, he was wondering if his chances had been spent.

* * *

 

_ “It’s not your fault, Bodhi. It’s mine. I brought this into our lives. This is all my fault.”  _

_ “It’s not Jyn they’re after. It’s you.” Shara’s voice. Accusing him.  _

_ Everything was his fault. He couldn’t protect her. He couldn’t save her. _

_ “You killed my father. You wrecked my family. You made me into this. This is all YOUR fault, Andor. Her death will be on you!”  _

_ He would do anything to protect her. Even if that meant leaving her.  _

_ She would’ve been better off if he never came back. _

Cassian woke up suddenly, sweaty, his heart beating rapidly. A cool hand brushed the hair from his face and he looked up to Jyn’s green eyes staring at him. 

“Hi,” she whispered. 

He got up with a start. “Jyn. The doctor -”

Jyn nodded her head. “He came in when you were asleep. I’m okay.” She paused, bringing his hand to her stomach. “The baby -

“Is okay.” Cassian said. Shara had flown the Apache to the nearest hospital that could accommodate an air transport and they had rushed Jyn to the ER. Those few minutes, with Jyn unconscious, Draven ordering the doctors and nurses around, Kes cursing had been one of the worst moments of his life. The doctor had reaffirmed what Draven had guessed. Stress and anxiety. She needed rest. Fluids. Jyn had woken up briefly, frightened until she laid eyes on Cassian. He rubbed circles on her arm, soothing her until she fell back asleep. Then he must have passed out, so deep in sleep, he was oblivious to her waking up and the doctor visiting her.

“I’m sorry Cass. I just found out . . . that day that I was -” She stopped, not wanting to bring up  _ that  _ day.

“Shh . . . honey. It’s okay. I know.”

“I wanted to tell you in person. You were going to be home soon and I wanted . . . I didn’t want to do it over the phone.”

She was getting agitated. Her monitor was going off. “Jyn. Shhh . . . sweetie. You need to calm down. The doctor said you just need rest. It’s okay. You’re safe now, The baby is safe. We’re okay. 

She took a deep breath and leaned back against the pillows. He could tell she was doing her best not to cry. He could see her mouth setting in a thin line and she was trying hard not to blink, less the unshed tears spill over. 

He took one look at her and crawled in the bed, taking her in his arms. She clutched his shirt with her one good hand, burying her face in his chest and started crying quietly. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you again. I thought that was it. When he found out who I was I knew I’d never see you again. I had to try and get away.”

“You did great honey. You did just fine. We were lucky Bodhi was able to patch into the surveillance system and we got there when we did.” Cassian’s voice reassured her. 

She jerked away from Cassian. “Bodhi? He’s alive, he made it?” The way she smiled, oh God, Cassian was so glad to give her this news. He could live and die by her smile. 

He nodded his head. “He’s alive. The bullet grazed him, simple flesh wound.” He debated whether or not to tell her about his second wound but then he would have to bring up Rylan and no way - he wasn’t going to ruin  _ this, this moment, with that dead bastard.  _ Jyn was barely processing the fact that she had killed someone. He didn’t know how she would deal with the fact that her college  _ boyfriend _ had been involved. Or the fact that Kes had killed him. 

Jyn noticed Cassian’s facial expression change, as if he was digesting something unpleasant. She had a feeling there was a lot more to her rescue. She would find out the full story later. Right now . . . she just wanted to be in his arms and never let him go. 

“So . . .,” she said, looking up at him through her lashes. 

“Hmm . . .” he murmured, nuzzling his face in her neck, just trying to absorb her, breathe her in.  _ God he had been so scared he would never see her again.  _

“We’re going to be parents.”

He pulled away from her and for a moment, she missed the contact, the warmth, the feeling of his scruff scraping against her skin. She was afraid to look at him, at his eyes, to see what he thought. But when she looked up at him, at his brown eyes, which were soft and warm and  _ happy,  _ she knew how he felt. 

Because she felt the same. 

“We’re going to be parents,” he reaffirmed, pulling her back to him, cupping her head against his chest.  _ He never wanted to let her go. _

She smiled hesitantly. “Are you . . . I know this wasn’t planned . . . but are you okay with this?”

His hold on her relaxed slightly and he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Of course, I am. I . . . I always thought someday we would. Have kids. I just . . . I wasn’t too sure if you did. Neither of our childhoods were exactly normal.”

She thought of her childhood. Her father leaving, her mother living with Krennic, his beatings. She swallowed back the anger she felt at them leaving her and pushed on to the Damerons, their happy home, taking her in, giving her new memories, happy ones. Kes being a pain-in-the-ass older brother, Cass taking her under his wing, helping her through her nightmares when she was young.

“Jyn?” Cassian murmured, tucking her hair gently behind her ear. He noticed the range of emotions on her face, the anger, the hurt and then finally, the hope.

She looked up at him. “I know, Cass. We had lousy childhoods. But this one won’t. Not if I can help it,” she said, her face determined. 

He pulled her to him again, nodding into her hair, her scent washing over her with familiarity. God he had had missed her so much. They couldn’t keep going through this. He needed her safe, needed their baby safe. He would do anything to protect his little family.

Anything.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffy in the last chapter. I had to flip back and forth on who killed Damián. At first, the way the story was going was that Kes was going to be the one because Cassian couldn’t do it. Also, it would have helped Kes with his issues since he couldn’t save Jyn the last time they were in this situation. But then the reunion between Kes, Cassian and Jyn started turning humorous and of course they have to talk about the baby and I just couldn’t have Jyn and Cass talk about the baby with a dead man in the room.


	18. Can you hear me screaming (please don’t leave me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn learns the truth about Bodhi’s wounds. Cassian finds out they may still be in danger and considers drastic measures to keep Jyn safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning. Warning. Warning. Angst up ahead. See Chapter Title for reference on angst. Serious miscommunication between Cassian and Jyn.  
> Chapter title flagrantly taken from Chord Overstreet’s song “Hold On” *on the SIB playlist too FYI* ;-)

The doctor deemed her fit enough to travel to a hospital closer to home. She was transported back to Nevada where Kerrick and Randi were anxiously awaiting her arrival at a hospital in Reno. Draven and Melshi stayed behind to fill out the necessary reports and help with the clean up at the chalet. Kay - miraculously - was able to recover data that hadn’t been damaged in his “shoot-out” (which incidentally he was never living down) and was flying back with Cassian and Kes. In their haste to head to Denver, he didn’t have time to gather his equipment and he didn’t trust a shipping company to handle his electronics carefully. Plus Bodhi promised him access to software that would help him quickly analyze the data recovered from the chalet.

Jyn had been in the hospital for a few days when she got a familiar visitor. The doctor had just told her he couldn’t release her just yet and she had been cursing, kicking her feet on her bed throwing a tantrum when Cassian tentatively peeked his head in, smiling at her.

She scowled at him, half heartedly. He had been with her every day, never leaving her bedside except to grab a meal or to give Kerrick and Randi a call updating them. He had even brought her cell phone and laptop so she would have something to play with. She knew it wasn’t his fault she was still in the hospital but she just wanted to go home. She was so tired of being stuck to a bed.

“Someone’s here to see you,” Cassian said, ignoring her scowl.

A head peeked behind Cassian.

“BODHI!” Jyn exclaimed. He went up to her bed and she sat up hugging him fiercely to her.

She pulled back, eying him up and down. He was holding his left side protectively.

“I thought you were shot on your right side, Bodhi.” She eyed him suspiciously and then looked at Cassian accusingly.

Cassian bit down on his lip. _Shit. They hadn’t had a chance to talk about Rylan._ He absolutely did not want to talk about him. About how close he came to ruining their lives. The lives of other Alliance agents.  

Bodhi looked back at Cassian and gave him a nod, motioning for him to leave. He went to Jyn and kissed her softly on the cheek.

“Cass,” she looked between him and Bodhi, confused. “You need to talk to Bodhi, Jyn. I’ll be back, okay?” He reassured her, gently patting her shoulder. He walked by Bodhi, nodding to him slowly. _He had a feeling the news would come better from Bodhi rather than him._

“What, Bodhi? What happened?”

Bodhi clasped her hand tightly. He started from when Kerrick found him, to the nights spent searching for her. Then he finally told her about Rylan. About his hack. His attempt to kill Bodhi. His selling of the Alliance data.

Jyn sat back in shock. This . . .  Bodhi getting hurt. All of them in danger. It had been her fault. They would never had had access to her if not for Rylan, his relationship with her, his motivation.

She couldn’t believe he was dead. The nice boy in college, their friend, had sold them out, had tried to kill Bodhi. Kes had killed him, to protect the lives of other agents.

_She had killed her captor, the man she had told Cassian to save._

_She took a life._

_She killed someone._

Everything was so overwhelming, there was so much blood and sadness everywhere. _Fuck what kind of world was this._  She could feel her heart start to accelerate, her breath hitching.

“Jyn.” It was Bodhi. He was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her hand, his eyes trying to reassure her.

“Don’t.” He ordered. “Don’t do this to yourself. You think this is your fault, that Rylan was good? He never was Jyn. Saw found him cyberstalking you in college. He almost ruined my academic career. If it wasn’t for Saw, who knows what he would’ve done to you in college, or to me. Don’t you dare feel bad for him. He was one of the bad guys.”

She looked at Bodhi with a sheen in her eyes and he hugged her hard. Bodhi was so innocent, everything was black and white for him. She knew in her heart that Bodhi was right. But she couldn’t move past killing someone. Kes killing her friend. Cassian and his past.

She knew.

_She knew they were one of the good guys. But why did she feel so awful. Why did she feel like everything was her fault?_

She cried softly into Bodhi’s arms, wanting so badly to just go home.

* * *

Cassian went down to the hospital cafeteria and was surprised to see Kes and Kay there, talking softly, serious looks on their faces.

Something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

They jumped a part, surprised by his arrival. They didn’t have a chance to mask the looks on their faces.

They were worried.

“What?” Cassian asked, sharply.

Kay finally spoke up and didn’t pull any punches. “Not all of the Mendez cartel was compromised in our raid. I’ve been going over the data. Damián had several ‘lieutenants’ that reported to him. People he promised a big pay day if Jyn’s -” he paused, readying himself for Cassian’s reaction, “ _sale_ was to go through.”

Cassian immediately flinched, a look of dawning realization crossing his face. Kes’s face was red, his temper about to hit the roof.

“To make matters worse, all their assets have been frozen. They’re scrambling for money before other cartels start closing in, trying to take over.”

_It’s not over. It’s never going to be over. His dreams, his doubts, the nightmares he still had. Jyn. The baby. They still weren’t safe._

“So Jyn’s still in danger?” Cassian said, quietly, his mind racing. He was two steps ahead already. They needed to put her in witness protection or a safe house at the very least. He needed to see what he could find out, go underground. Talk to Draven, Saw.

Kay nodded. “Technically the report hasn’t been released about the raid on the chalet. Draven is working on falsifying the report, citing the death of a female civilian - Jyn. But it’s taking time. He’s uh . . . working on the _evidence_ so to speak.”

They needed a body. One that was similar to Jyn’s. All of Damián’s soldiers had been males. But Draven just couldn’t go out and get one. He’d have to go through other channels, perhaps Saw, Cassian mused. A frightening thought crossed his mind. “He’s not . . . he’s not going to ki-”

Kay quickly shook his head. “No. They’re combing records right now. Fatalities, car accidents.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief.

In the meantime, they needed to make sure Jyn was safe. Cassian closed his eyes, thinking of what he could do, how he could help. He was the only one that knew the Mendez cartel inside and out, having researched them, their organization, thoroughly when he was planning the hit on Damián’s father.

“Cass . . . you’re not thinking of going back? Are you?” Kes asked him. He recognized the look on Cassian’s face. The resolve. The guilt. The sheer panic. He had a history of making bad decisions whenever Jyn’s safety was a concern.

Cassian looked at Kes sadly. “Do you think I want to?” He bit out. “I want to go home, I want to marry your cousin, I want her to be safe. But how? How can I do that, Kes, when I know what’s out there? That she’ll never be safe. This whole cartel needs to be taken down.”

“Let the Alliance do it. The DEA. This is their fucking area,” Kes argued back. “Don’t do this to her. She’ll never forgive you.”

Kay looked back and forth between the two, staying quiet.

Cassian hesitated. He didn’t want to go back. He honestly didn’t. He could stay, protect her himself. Maybe if he met with Draven, gave him all his intel, everything he remembered about the cartel, they would be okay. They just needed to wait out Draven falsifying the report. But it could take weeks, months, waiting for the right body. Everything had to be right. The cartel would be digging deep to make sure everything was accurate.

He slumped down in his chair, massaging his temples, trying to avoid the migraine that was threatening to surface. _Just when he thought everything was going to be okay._

He nodded wearily at Kes and made a decision. “Let’s get some guards on her ASAP and we need to put her in witness protection. I’ll talk to Draven, Saw. You have some guys you can call in your firm?”

Kes took out his phone and tapped out a message and received a reply immediately. “Two will be here in the hour.”

Now they just had to tell Jyn which neither one was looking forward to. She never did take it well when they tried to boss her around.

* * *

 

Jyn knew something was wrong the minute she saw Cassian and Kes flanked by two huge men, both wearing black cargo pants, tight black tees and holsters at their hips.

“What’s going on?” she demanded, looking to Cassian and then to Kes for answers.

Cassian stepped into her room, biting his lip. And then he looked at her, and his face was blank and she couldn’t read him, couldn’t see what he was thinking.

It scared the shit out of her.

“It’s not safe. As soon as the doctor clears you to leave, we need to put you in witness protection. These gentlemen here are working for Kes and Shara. They’re going to stay with you until we can move you.”

Jyn felt her hackles go up. Cassian wasn’t even letting her decide, giving her an option. He was telling her, no - ordering her what to do. She stared at him, her green eyes shooting sparks at him. “Do I get a say in this? If I do, then the answer is no. I’m not going anywhere.”

A pained expression crossed his face. “Jyn,” he pleaded. “Please don’t make this difficult. You need to be somewhere safe. It’s not over yet. I - we need - ”

“Are you coming with me?” she interrupted. If he came, if she could just be  -

The look he exchanged with Kes was all she needed.

She understood. He was staying behind, joining the fight. Leaving her.

Cassian saw the look of devastation on her face, the way she bit her lip and was trying hard not to blink her eyes. He went to her bed and grabbed her hand. “Jyn. Please. Hear me out. It’s not what -”

She drew her hand out of his, not quite meeting him in the eye. “Fine. I’ll go. Can you and Kes go to the house and pack my bag? I’d like to have my own clothes.”

“Jyn, please,” Cassian pleaded with her.

She looked at him and his heart broke. She always looked at him with such love and brightness. But the look she gave him now, was empty, devoid of any feelings. As if all the light he saw every day just dimmed a little bit more.

“Just go, Cassian. It’s what you’re good at.”

He jerked away from her, hurt. She immediately regretted the comment but damn him. Damn him for not talking to her.

Again.

For making a choice that they both should have made. That she should have had input on.

Damn him to hell.

“Jyn . . . -”

She rolled over on her side and he tried to touch her shoulder but she shrugged off his hand. She refused to look at him, refused to let him see how she was trying so hard to hold back the tears.

“Cass,” Kes said. Cassian looked back at him, a desperate look on his face.  Kes nodded his head towards the door. He knew when Jyn was in a mood and right now, she just needed to cool off. She would come around and see their point of view and all would be right again.

“We’ll be back, Jyn.” he said quietly. He took one final look at her back and walked out of the room.

* * *

 

She waited. Waited until she knew they weren’t there and then she sobbed out, a loud, shuttering cry that wracked her body. She couldn’t believe it. After everything they had been through, _everything,_ he was going to up and go back to the Alliance. To a job that drained the life out of him. That took every part of him that made him _Cassian_. She fisted her hand in her mouth, trying to choke back the tears. The guards were still outside her door and damnit, she didn’t want them to hear her cry.

She refused to be put in some safe house. She had just come from one prison and was certainly not going to another one. She wanted to go home.

_Home._

But she didn’t even know what that was anymore. The house she lived in with Cassian? The house where she was taken against her will? Where she saw her best friend shot and thought he was dead.

She shuddered.

_You can’t go home Jyn._

She needed to get away, take some time. If she left, then Cassian wouldn’t need to go back. He wouldn’t need to sacrifice what good was left in him. She needed to just . . . think. She looked at the guards outside her room, then at her watch. Kes and Cassian would be back in about two hours to ship her to God knows where.

_Not if I can help it._

* * *

Cassian was staring out the window of Kes’s truck, brooding. The conversation with Jyn did not go well. After everything they had been through, how could she think he would leave her? He replayed it all in his head. He never said he was leaving permanently. He just needed to meet with Draven, download data on him, get that goddamn report finalized and then they could be together. She would be safe. But he couldn’t shake the words she threw back at him - _just leave Cassian, it’s what you’re good at._

He would talk to her again when he got back to the hospital. He could never leave her again. Never.

They arrived to their house and were surprised to see Kerrick, Randi and Shara there. 

“Where’s Jyn?” Randi asked, looking in the car, expecting to see her daughter coming out of the back seat.

Kes and Cassian exchanged a look. Kes furrowed his brow, belatedly realizing he probably should have told his parents that they were moving Jyn to witness protection.

Shara right away noticed the look. “What did you two do?”

Kes explained the situation. They expected Kerrick to yell at them and of course Shara. What they weren’t expecting was the dressing down from Randi.

“You did what?” She demanded, poking Kes in the chest.

He flinched. “Ow, mom, that hurts.”

“It’s going to hurt a lot worse KES CHESTER DAMERON if you don’t get Jyn here now.” Randi was beyond angry. When she had visited with Jyn in the hospital, she looked so small, so tired. All she had wanted was to go home. And now these two idiots of sons she had didn’t even think of that. She glared at both men and walked out of the house, Kerrick obliging following her, giving them an apologetic look.

“Chester?” Cassian whispered to Kes.

“Shut up. Family name,” he mumbled.

“I’m surprised Jyn agreed to this,” Shara mused. “How did it go when you told her?”

Cassian looked away. “Not so good Shar. Not good at all.” He replayed the conversation to Shara.

She immediately stood up. “You two are IDIOTS! I won’t even go into the whole ‘men think they know what’s best’ theme here, but seriously, you left her there alone after she thought you were  leaving her?”

“I told you I wasn’t going to . . . wait. What do you mean?” Cassian asked, perplexed.

She sighed. “Guys. I wasn’t around the first time it happened but heard the story. What’s Jyn famous for doing when Cassian makes stupid decisions?”

_Leaving._

Cassian paled. Kes cursed. All three ran to the car.

They were too late. Jyn’s hospital room was empty. Kes’s guards had left, saying they received a text from Kes that he didn’t need them after all. It didn’t take them long to figure out that Jyn had hacked into Kes’s phone records and sent the text from her laptop.

Cassian stared at her empty bed. His stomach knotted up when he saw she had left her cell phone behind, knowing he would try to trace her. But what hurt the most, what pained him when he saw it laying on the bed. Her necklace. The one he had given her with the charms. The one where he would be able to find her no matter what.

He picked up her phone and stared at the message she had tapped out.

_I’m sorry._

He closed his eyes. Thinking of the note he left her ten years ago with those same words. _No. It can’t be like that again. I need to find her. Explain. She’ll understand._

Shara and Kes looked at him, sympathy in their eyes.

“Could she have gone far? Can we find her? Any idea where she would go?” He asked them, helplessly.

Both shook their head. Kes already called Bodhi and he had no idea. Jyn didn’t have too many friends, Bodhi being the only person she was close to outside of her family. Cassian wracked his brain, trying to think of where she could’ve gone, how she got there. She was out there, by herself, and God knows how many people the cartel had, trying to find her.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

He had no idea how to find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys. Seriously sorry. I always envisioned this scene to happen so I could get to the end and I’ve been dropping hints - the flashbacks, the dreams, Cassian’s sheer need to protect Jyn. But as I was writing the story and realizing how angsty it was turning out, I almost went a different route because I really felt bad about separating them again but it was too hard for me to reimagine the ending. And don’t worry. This is definitely not an eight-chapter separation like when she was kidnapped.
> 
> Also, just to clarify, Cassian never intended to leave Jyn. He simply wanted her someplace safe so he would have time to provide the Alliance with intelligence on the cartel.


	19. Safe Harbor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn finds a safe place to stay but can't escape the nightmares.

She should have planned this out better. All she knew was that she had to get out of the hospital, away from Kes’s guards. She waited until the doctor came for his afternoon visit, declared her fit to be sent home then hacked into Kes’s phone and texted his stupid goons. The dumbasses actually believed the text and left, not giving her a second glance.

She walked out of the hospital and was trying to figure out her next steps. She needed cash. She didn’t dare use her credit cards. Cassian would track her down in less than a day.

 _Cassian_.

She closed her eyes, trying to block out the image of him. That hurt look on his face when she lashed out at him. The sad tone in his voice when she refused to acknowledge him.

 _Maybe she reacted too strongly._ But he was going to leave her damnit! She had every right. Every right to protect herself. Protect him. She couldn’t go through it again. She couldn’t handle him leaving, going back to a job that killed him a little every day.

Tears welled up in her eyes and her stomach clenched up, upset. _Focus Jyn. Worry about your feelings later._

Right. She needed cash. Cash would be harder for him to track. She walked to the nearest bank and took out a large withdrawal from her trust account, the one her parents had set up for her from her dad’s patents. She hated to use this money, hated what the money represented, but she needed it if she wanted to get away.

She bought a disposable phone and called Randi. She at least owed it to her and Kerrick to let them know she was okay. She had a feeling Kerrick wouldn’t take so kindly to her being alone so she made sure to call Randi when she knew Kerrick would be at work. Randi had been understanding, knew that she needed some time on her own, which made Jyn want to cry even more. _She just . . . everything . . . home, where she grew up, just reminded her of him._ It reminded her of promises he made that he didn’t keep, that his need to protect her overwhelmed his desire to stay with her.

She actually had to call a taxi to pick her up from the bank and take her to the train. If she knew Cassian, he would know she wouldn’t take a plane, figuring it would be too easy to find her. Bus would be the next option so she opted for the train station and purchased tickets. Her next phone call would determine if she would go north, south, east or west.

A gruff voice answered the phone. “Who’s this?”

She smiled into the phone. The old coot sounded just as grouchy as the last time they talked. “Hi, didn’t think you answered unknown phone calls.”

Retired sheriff Baze Malbus guffawed into the phone. “It wasn’t little-cat. But that damn husband of mine told me I should take the call. Thought you were a damn telemarketer at first.”

Jyn had yet to meet Chirrut. All she knew was that he made Baze laugh. And anyone who could make Baze laugh was A-OK in her book. Baze had been the sheriff that rescued her from Krennic when she was little, making sure she didn’t stay with him after her mother died. He had taken her home - to Randi and Kerrick - and made her promise to keep in touch.

So she had. She had emailed him over the years, telling him stories of her adventures with Kes and Cassian when they were little, and how much she loved the Damerons. She emailed him in college, talking about Bodhi and their escapades.

(She of course left out the stories of the beer runs - Baze being a sheriff and all).

He went to her college graduation, telling her how proud he was of her and congratulating her on her job.

It had been a while since they had talked on the phone. Jyn never told Baze of her being shot, he was getting older and she didn’t want him to worry. Also, it was hard enough keeping Bodhi out of the dark. There was no way she would have been able to lie to Baze. She was fairly certain that Randi didn’t tell him about her being kidnapped either, judging by his warm welcome over the phone.

“So little-cat -” Jyn tried to smile at his endearment for her - but hearing his familiar voice, the warm welcome, she couldn’t hold back the sob.

Baze immediately sensed her distress. “What’s wrong, Jyn? What the hell happened?

“I need a place to stay, Baze. Please. I’m so sorry to intrude, I don’t have anywhere else to go,” she pleaded.

“Ohhh . . . little-cat. You’re always welcome here,” Baze’s voice softened, trying to comfort her. He gave her his address and she told him she’d be there soon.

* * *

 

“I need to find her.” Cassian told Randi and Kerrick.

Randi sent Kerrick a meaningful look and he walked out of the room, patting Cassian on the shoulder.

“Cass,” Randi said softly, trying to figure out how to break the news to him. “Jyn called me.”

He looked up at her, his eyes brightening. _Thank God. She was coming home._

Then he saw the downturn of Randi’s lips, the look of sympathy.

“She’s not coming back, is she?”

Randi shook her head.

“She just needs some time. She . . . she’s been through a lot and I know you told me that it was a big miscommunication but in her mind, she’s still that seventeen-year old girl so in love with you that the thought of you leaving her _again_ just made her react.”

Cassian begged Randi. “Please, just let me talk to her. I can make it up to her. I never was going to leave. I just needed her to be safe, to be protected. I don’t know how everything got so out of control.”

Randi looked at him sadly. “Cass . . . I can’t. She asked me not to. I love you as one of my own, but I can’t betray her. She’s had too many people in her life disappoint her. When she’s ready, she’ll call you.”

He nodded his head slowly. “Can you at least tell me that she’s somewhere safe? That’s she careful?” He was going out of his mind with worry. He couldn’t bear the thought of Jyn, alone, not having anyone to look out for her. He didn’t even know who or where she would stay.

“Honestly, Cass. I don’t know where she would’ve gone. But she can take care of herself. She’s a survivor.”

The dejected look on Cassian’s face broke Randi’s heart. She was so close to giving Cassian Jyn’s number but stopped. _These two need to work it out on their own._

* * *

 

Jyn was surprised to find Baze lived in a small beachside town in Central California. He used to live outside of LA before he retired which is why Jyn never visited. LA brought nothing but bad memories for her - from her shitty childhood living with Krennic to losing her dad in the heart of LA.

She knocked on the door of a small one-story home, expecting Baze to answer the door. She was surprised when his husband, Chirrut flung the door open, smiling widely at her. She knew Chirrut was blind but didn’t expect the sweeping look her gave her, his milky eyes finally settling on her stomach.

“Baze,” he shouted. “Your _guests_ are here.”

 _Guests?_ Jyn’s jaw dropped. _How did he even know she was pregnant?_

She could hear a chainsaw and then a muttered curse. Chirrut smiled at her serenely. “We’re doing some backyard renovations and he’s upset because I tried to use the chainsaw.

She stifled a laugh, extending her hand out. “I’m J-

“Jyn,” he cut her off. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Baze talks about you a lot.” He stepped aside, motioning for her to go inside the house. She heard Baze yelling, stomping down the hallway.

“Chirrut, what do you mean guests? I’m only waiting for J- .”

The big gruff man came into Jyn’s view and he took in her appearance, the wrist in a splint, the purple bruises that had yet to heal around her neck, her face. Then his eyes finally settled on her stomach and he growled out, enveloping her in a big bear hug.

“Tell me who I need to shoot,” he muttered, holding her tight. He pulled away from her and brought his hand gently to her neck, inspecting her injury.

“Whoever’s responsible for this,” he said, “better not be responsible for this,” he warned as he gently tapped her tummy.

She choked back a sob and bit her lip, shaking her head no. His eyes softened and he looked at her, sympathy in his eyes.

“C’mon little-cat, let’s get you something to eat. You’re too skinny. And pale. You need some meat on those little bones of yours.”

She followed him into his kitchen, that was open and sunny and warm. She could see their backyard, landscaped, full of colorful flowers and a pond and then a stone pathway that led to a casita outside. A half built pergola was sitting over the pond and a patio table.

“Chirrut,” Baze muttered. “He likes to be outside but insisted on shade. Thought he wanted one of those big-ass umbrellas but apparently it blocked out too much sun. Figured I could make something than buy those cheap ones at the Depot.

Jyn smiled at him, absorbing the cozy atmosphere of their little home. “It’ll be nice once it’s done.”

“I’ve been nagging him to put speakers up too and he hasn’t done it yet,” Chirrut chimed in. “I would like to listen to music while I’m out there gardening.”

Baze put a plate full of cookies and milk in front of her. “Eat,” he said, gruffly. “I’ll put your bags in the casita.” She stood up to get her bags herself but the scathing look he gave her made her sit back down. “Sit,” he ordered. “You look like you can barely stand.”

“I’m fine, Baze.”

He gave her a look.

She sighed. “Fine. Just let me know if you need help with anything.”

Chirrut followed Baze outside, the two men murmuring in low tones. She knew she had some explaining to do but she was so tired. She just wanted to lay down and sleep for days.

* * *

 

_The bloody, swollen face glared at her, slowly lifting up the gun. She stared back in fright. No. Not now. He was going to kill him. She pulled the trigger but it was too late. Cassian slumped forward and there was so much blood. Damián sneered at her._

_“Do you think he can really change? That he’s happy being a cop in some honky tonk town? Can someone like that ever change? Do you think you’re enough to change him?”_

She woke up, startled. She glanced at her phone on the night stand and it was nearly 4:00am. Her lids felt so heavy, crusty with sleep. She looked down and noticed she fell asleep in her clothes. She had picked up a couple of outfits on the way to Baze’s house and some pajamas but she had been so tired yesterday that she passed out on the bed, still in her street clothes. Baze found her nearly drowning in her milk and had woken her up, leading her to the garage they had converted into a little bedroom and kitchenette outside. She remembered mumbling to him, thanking him for his hospitality and had thrown herself on the bed, falling asleep.

Now she was wide awake, breathing heavily.

_Fuck. I can’t do this. These nightmares are going to kill me._

Her stomach grumbled. _Damnit, didn’t I just eat? Oh yeah, Jyn, you’re eating for two now, she thought snarkily._

Baze had mentioned they didn’t have a chance to stock her little kitchen with any snacks so she snuck quietly into the house from the backyard and was turning to close the door when she saw Chirrut in the kitchen, making a cup of tea with their Keurig maker. She looked at the kettle on the stove then back at the Keurig.

“Baze doesn’t like me working the stove when he’s asleep so I have to use this stupid machine. Doesn’t get the the full flavor  of the tea in my humble opinion,” he explained, handing her the cup.

She was still staring at him. _How did he even know she was up?_

“My eyesight may be gone but I have excellent hearing. Figured you needed something soothing.”

_Baze must have told him of her injuries._

“Thanks,” she murmured, taking the cup.

“Do you have any more of those -”

He was already setting a plate of cookies in front of her and then grabbed himself a plate, sitting across from her.

It should have been an awkward quiet but for some reason, Jyn felt comfortable.

“When Baze was a sheriff, I always had a hard time sleeping when he was on his night shifts. The worry that he may not come home, you know? I found being outside, listening to the sounds of nature helped soothe me,” Chirrut offered. “The beach is a couple of blocks away.”

“In case, you know, you need to relax.”

Jyn mumbled a thank you into her tea.

Chirrut yawned, stretching his arms. “I have a couple more hours in me to sleep. Get some rest Jyn.”

She oddly felt a bit more calm.

* * *

 

“She does remind me of a cat.”

“Hmm . . .” Baze hummed, his attention focused on making breakfast.

“Jyn. When I first asked you to talk about her, you said she was like a scared cat. Fearless but scared of people yet willing to warm up at the first sign of affection.”

“That’s your interpretation. Not mine. I just thought she had cat-eyes. And she’s small.”

“Have you talked to her?”

Baze glanced at him as he dropped some oil in a pan for eggs. “She’s not exactly the most talkative and she’s only been here a couple of days. Thought it’d be rude if I asked her who fucked her up and who knocked her up.”

They heard the front door opening and Jyn walked in, her cheeks flushed from the cool ocean air. Baze was an early riser, often times getting up before the sun rose and he noticed Jyn would be gone. The first time he discovered her missing, she had been gone over six hours and he stomped back to the bedroom, grabbing his sweatshirt (and his gun), determined to tear their little town apart until he found her. It wasn’t until Chirrut suggested that she may have gone to the beach when he stopped fretting at her whereabouts.

“Want some breakfast?” Baze asked.

She nodded, smiling at him, the corners of her mouth not quite reaching her eyes.

“Jyn,” Chirrut announced, “I’m going to plant some daylilies and gaillardias today. Would you like to help me? Baze is colorblind when it comes to flowers and I want to make sure they match.”

Jyn raised her eyebrow, glancing at Baze briefly. He just rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulder. _Just humor him, he mouthed to her._

She bit back a smile. “Sure. Do we need to go buy supplies?”

Chirrut threw her Baze’s car keys with scary accuracy. “Yep. Fertilizer, soil, soil nutrients, bait -”

“Ewww . . . bait?” Jyn questioned, wrinkling her nose. “What the hell do you need bait for?”

“Snails,” Chirrut said, confidently. “They help add calcium and nutrients to the soil. Plus Baze can cook them for dinner when they’re done serving their purpose.”

Jyn nearly gagged.

“Chur!” Baze snapped. “She’s pregnant for crying out loud. Don’t gross her out!”

Chirrut cackled.

Jyn threw a dish towel at him, which again, he caught with frightening accuracy.

“C’mon old man. Let’s go get your gross soil stuff.”

She found she liked gardening, digging the soil with her hands, sometimes using the little pink shovel Chirrut bought for her (she wanted to throw it at Chirrut when he gave her a _pink_ shovel but he blamed it on his blindness).

(Yeah fucking right.)

She didn’t realize how much science went into gardening, testing the ph of the soil for acidity and adding different ingredients to reduce the acid. She quickly developed an app that would alert Chirrut if the plants were in danger of not blooming or if they were getting too cold. Every day she would go out for her long walks on the beach, eat breakfast, then tend to the garden, planting, watering, feeding the flowers. The first time one bloomed, she ran into their bedroom, waking them up, Chirrut quickly sitting up and Baze throwing the covers over his head, growling out something about _dumb flowers._

She wore herself out each day, her mind focused on helping Chirrut garden or painting the wood on the pergola that was taking Baze a ridiculous amount of time to build. Sometimes the nightmares would go away, where she could sleep dreamlessly. But most nights, the nightmares would come back with a vengeance, Krennic beating her, her mother dying, the once forceful woman a bare wisp of a creature. She dreamt of Cassian dying, that Jyn was too late saving him. She dreamt of killing Damián, the blood flowing from his body, his face a skeletal mess. The images all blended together, a red, bloody dream that would leave her trying so hard to wake up, to escape from the dream, that she would wake up, breathless, gasping for air, as if her very sleep was trying to suffocate, pull her under.

She was drowning alive.

She knew she needed help, needed someone to talk to. Cassian had been there for her when she was little, just trying to survive the aftermath of Krennic’s abuse.

But he wasn’t around.

(No thanks to her.)

She had been at Baze and Chirrut’s for two weeks when she couldn’t sleep one night, tossing and turning, afraid of what monster would meet her in her sleep. She got up, restless, and prowled around the backyard, noting how the flowers were starting to bloom  to rich shades of red and teal. She could smell the pine in the pergola and it instantly reminded her of Cassian. How he smelled of sunshine and pine trees.  She quietly walked into the house, hoping to make some tea and was surprised when the lights turned on all of a sudden, her eyes blinking at the sudden brightness.

 _Baze_. He had two cups of tea in front of him and those cookies she liked.

“I think we need to talk, little-cat,” he said, pushing the tea and cookies towards her. He had a determined tilt to his chin and Jyn knew he wouldn’t take no for an answer.

She sat down next to him, grabbing a cookie and nibbling on it, deep in thought.

“You’re not sleeping. And you need rest. You and the little one,” he said softly, lightly patting her stomach. “Chirrut can hear you screaming. He senses your pain. I can feel it.”

He clasped his hand over her shaking ones.

She started talking. Started from Cassian coming back to her life, to the Empire, the satellite her father created, dying to protect everyone. She told Baze of Krennic, how he tried to kill Cassian and she jumped in front of him, getting shot.

(Baze glanced longingly at his gun on top of the fridge, thinking he should have shot the man when he first met him.)

She told Baze how she almost died, the long recovery and how Cassian stayed with her every day, never leaving her side.

“I take it he’s the -,” he said, looking meaningfully at her stomach.

She nodded her head yes. He touched her neck lightly, the bruises now an ugly yellow, still showing under her pale skin.

“And these?”

She closed her eyes and grabbed Baze’s hand tightly.

“Jyn, you don’t have to . . .”

She cut him off. “No, I need to.”

And everything came out in a rush. Damián. The cartel. Rylan. Being taken. Being gone for over a month from _home._ Her rescue. Her time in the hospital. Cassian wanting to go back to the Alliance to save her. Again. She was sobbing by the time she got to that point and Baze was holding her tight, trying to comfort her.

“Jyn. Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve been there in a minute,” he said gruffly.

She looked up at him, her eyes a startling green against the tears . “I couldn’t Baze. Everyone I love, everyone I know is in danger because of me. Cassian is willing to throw himself back to a job that kills him a little every day all so he can protect me. He was so ready to leave me again, damnit. And Bodhi was shot. Twice, Baze,” she cried out. “All because of me.”

She put her head in her hands, shaking. “It was just too much. So I ran. And ended up here. And I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for imposing on you and Chirrut but I had nowhere else to go. I didn’t want anyone finding me. The cartel is still out there. And Cassian. I just -” she lifted her head up at him, her eyes imploring, begging him to understand. “He was going to leave again and . . . I just. I couldn’t watch him do it. I just couldn’t,” she said again, her voice barely a whisper.

“It’s okay, little-cat. It’s okay,” he said, wrapping his arm around, enveloping her in a bear hug. “You’re going to be fine.”

Neither one saw Chirrut listening at the door. He had woken up when he heard them talking and didn’t want to interrupt, worried Jyn would freeze up. He heard her break down, heard her rehash everything over the last three years and replayed the conversation she had with Cassian at the hospital.

_Oh Jyn, he was never going to leave you. But in your world, so many people you loved have disappointed you, have left you, how could you have known any less?_

Chirrut decided it was time someone needed a nudge.

Turns out, he didn’t need to nudge anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally -I’m justified for using the Baze/Chirrut tag!! :-)


	20. In the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian figures out where Jyn is. The two have an emotional confrontation. Baze is extremely overprotective of Jyn.

It had been two weeks and not a word from Jyn. Cassian was going out of his mind with worry. He knew Randi was getting tired of him constantly asking about her. He had just come back from their house and Randi had given him a sympathetic smile and told him that Jyn was safe.

It was what she always told him ever since she left. She seemed unsure at first, taking Jyn’s word for it but it wasn’t until Kes overheard her getting a call late at night a week ago that she seemed more confident in Jyn’s safety, telling Kerrick that they didn’t need to worry about her, she was with an old friend.

_Well he was still fucking worried. What old friend? He knew all of Jyn’s friends. Who the hell was she with?_

He knew Randi wouldn’t betray Jyn’s trust and he was fairly certain he could get Kerrick to tell him where she was. But then, once Kerrick found out where Jyn was staying, he told Cassian they didn’t need to worry. That she was safe.

But he was going out of his mind with worry. He replayed their last conversation over and over in his head and he knew, he knew he fucked up. He shouldn’t have immediately jumped at the idea of going back to the Alliance. Even though he never said it, she could probably see it in his eyes that he was considering that option.

_Just leave Cassian. It’s what you’re good at._

He screwed his eyes shut, thinking of her last words. Damn it all to hell. He needed to find her. He just needed to _talk_ to her. He missed her so much. He went through hell and back trying to find her only to lose her again.

_Fuck what was wrong with him._

He tossed and turned in his sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping well, his sleep plagued with nightmares. Jyn never surviving the Scarif tower three years ago, Damián shooting her instead of him.

Tired of tossing and turning, he finally got out of bed and wandered aimlessly through their cabin, trying to find some clue that would tell him where she went. But he came up with nothing. All of the memories, the little trinkets, the photos, the papers. They were all things she had collected over the past couple of years. He stared at their empty bed, the last set of clothes she had washed, he had neatly folded and set in a basket, next to a stuffed teddy bear Kes had given her when she came back to them when she was eleven.

He picked up the bear, eying it. It was no longer fluffy but the fur was soft, the arms worn from Jyn cuddling it over the years. He smiled softly at the bear, thinking of their baby, imagining the baby having a similar stuffed animal. _A stuffed cat or dog._  Something to provide comfort. Something that would make their child feel safe if they weren’t there, spending the night at Kes’s parents. Or at Kes and Shara’s.

He eyed the bear, turning it around and it’s obsidian eyes stared back at him, the black thread of a smile seeming to mock him, as if it was holding a secret only the bear knew.

_Safe._

_Comfort._

_What was the bear’s name again?_

The name hits him like a well-timed punch in the gut.

 _Baze_.

She named the bear after the LA county sheriff that saved her from Krennic when she was little. The sheriff that brought her home to Randi and Kerrick.

And that’s when he knew where Jyn was. He didn’t even need to ask Randi to confirm. He knew in his heart that’s where she would be..

He quickly accessed his own sheriff’s department database and found a Baze Malbus living in Summerland, California. An eight-hour drive from Lake Tahoe. He looked at his watch. It was just after midnight. If he left now, he could get there in the early morning.

He left a note for Kes - asking him to pack up the house and put everything in storage. Their lease had ended and he had just renewed it for another month. He didn’t know if Jyn would want to continue living there or if it would bring back too many bad memories.

He was not coming back unless Jyn was with him. If it took weeks, months, years, he was not leaving her ever again. 

* * *

Baze was eating his oatmeal, grumpy. Chirrut had finally put his foot down and told him no more bacon for breakfast and had presented him with a bowl of oatmeal and strawberries. He looked up when the doorbell rang, a quizzical look on his face. Jyn never rang the doorbell, just barged in after her walks.

Chirrut looked up, a smile on his face. “I’ll get it,” he said. Baze scooted his chair back from the table, locking Chirrut into the breakfast nook. _He was up to something._ “It’s alright. I got it. Keep eating your breakfast,” Baze ordered. Chirrut gleamed at him, nodding. “Very well then.”

Cassian was about to ring the doorbell again when a huge, imposing, terrifying man opened the door.

_And Randi thought he was a safe option? The man looked like he could tear the neck off of a bear._

Recognition immediately flashed across the giants face. _Guess I don’t need to introduce myself._ Instead, he cut to the chase. “Is Jyn here?”

“No.” Then he slammed the door in his face.

Cassian could hear arguing inside. Baze’s gruff voice against a softer, gentler tone. Then he heard another door slam - _the back door maybe?_

Then the front door opened again, and another man stood in front of him.  He had a kind smile on his face, was very obviously blind, but the way he stared at Cassian, it was as if he could see right through him. His fear, his panic. His sheer exhaustion.

“I’m Chirrut. You must be tired, Cassian. Please come in. May I offer you a cup of coffee?”

Cassian nodded his head yes, then realizing what he just did, “uh yeah, sorry. I . . . yes, please a cup of coffee would be nice.”

Chirrut flashed him a look of understanding. He followed him to the kitchen, where he poured him a cup of coffee, black, just how he liked it. _This keeps getting weirder and weirder._

Cassian looked outside and noticed Baze had a chainsaw in his hand, walking back towards the kitchen.

 _Holy shit, this man was literally going to cut him to pieces._ Then he saw him pick up _a bunch_ of 2x4s and set them on a cutting table before he started sawing away.

“I’m sorry about Baze. He gets a bit protective over Jyn. Add to that I put him on a diet today and he’s not a happy camper.”

Cassian sipped at his coffee. “So . . . Jyn. She’s here right?”

Chirrut nodded his head. “She goes to the beach in the mornings. She should be back in about an hour.”

He couldn’t wait an hour. Not when she was so close. Cassian set his cup back down on the table. “Do you mind? I hate to drink and run but I really need to see her.”

“The beach is three blocks away. You can see the public access road when you hit the next block.”

Cassian thanked him for the coffee and quickly walked out the door.

* * *

 

Jyn drew circles in the sand with her finger, staring out at the waves. If she got here before the surfers, she could see the dolphins swimming in the water, far away from the beach. She loved the way the water looked in the morning. When the sun was out, the water was deep blue, and she could see out for miles. On days when it was overcast, the ocean was gray, dark and stormy and she couldn’t see past the clouds, past the fog but she loved just looking at the water. At the waves crashing, the foam bubbling and then retreating back out into another wave. She had started taking long walks in the sand but noticed she was getting more tired, the baby kicking frequently. So instead, she would sit and watch the water for hours, sometimes just zoning out. Other days she would watch the waves with interest, cataloging the energy they created, _the force_ , and she thought of Sparky, of how much she would be able to power it just by living in close proximity to the beach. She briefly wondered about how she could set it up at Baze and Chirrut’s, giving them a permanent power source. They had done so much for her. It was the least she could do.

So deep in her thoughts she didn’t see the shadow until it was right behind her.

But she would recognize that slim outline anywhere. The narrow hips. The slight build. The lean legs.

“Let me guess. Kerrick caved in.” she said, staring - moodily now - back at the ocean.

He sat down next to her on the sand, without hesitating. Sitting close enough to her but giving her space.

“Nobody told me,” he said quietly. “I’ll always find you. You know that.”

She turned to look at him and he took in her appearance. The bruises had started to fade from her neck. She had taken off the splint on her wrist and he could see the angry red welts still on her pale skin. Her eyes . . . her eyes . . . looked so tired and sad. She looked at him briefly and he could see a slight ember in them. A determined tilt to her chin.

She was surviving.

Jyn in turn was assessing his appearance. The lost weight. The bags under his eyes. He hadn’t shaved and his nicely trimmed beard was growing a bit thick, his hair was unruly, a lock flopping over his eyes.

_Fuck, they were both a mess._

She turned to look back at the ocean, the breeze blowing strands of hair around her face. He kept staring at her, his hand inching closer to hers. God, he wanted so badly to touch her, to hold her hand. To feel the little baby bump. He wanted to tuck all those flying strands of hair behind her ear because he knew they were probably driving her crazy.

“Is it okay that I’m here?” he asked, after what seemed like hours of silence, but in reality had just been a few minutes.

“It’s a public beach, isn’t it?” She snapped at him.

“Jyn,” he said, pleading. “Please,” he whispered. “I’m trying here.”

She finally looked at him, her eyes shooting green sparks. “Trying, Cassian? For what? Last time we talked, you were trying to leave. Trying to make me go somewhere I didn’t want to go. Trying to bring two strangers in my life to watch me because you were too busy trying to go back to your old job.”

He looked as if she slapped him. “Jyn. NO. That was never my intent. I never was going to leave.”

Her eyes widened, shocked. But then fury quickly replaced it. “You wanted to! I could see it Cassian. The minute,” she took a deep breath, “the minute you knew it wasn’t over, you wanted to go be in the fight. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t going to go.  The fact that you wanted - that you felt like you needed - is what hurt. The fact that I drove you to that. That you were willing to go to a job that will kill you Cassian. Will kill what good is left in you.”

He opened his mouth to speak but her next words broke him.

“The fact that I wasn’t enough to make you stay,” she said in a small voice.

His stomach dropped. _No. No. How could she think that?_

“Jyn. No. I never would have left. Yes. I admit. When Kay told us the cartel was still looking for you, yes, I wanted to do whatever I could to protect you, to make sure you were safe. But I couldn’t leave you Jyn. I could never leave you.” He swiped at his eyes angrily, the tears welling over. He looked at her, and he could see that she was openingly crying, tears streaming down her face. She was shaking and he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close to him. “Jyn please. I swear. You can ask Kay. You can ask Kes. I was never going to leave you. I don’t know how everything got so screwed up.”

She turned angrily at him. “It got screwed up because YOU didn’t give me a choice, Cassian. My whole life. My choices, my decisions have been taken from me. I thought you - of all people - understood that. Then the minute my safety is threatened, you take my choice from me. All we had do was talk it out - together - but you took that. You took that from me! From us! All I wanted to do was go HOME and be with you and you took that away,” she yelled at him, sharply poking him in the chest.

He caught her hand when she went to poke him again. This anger, this fire. It meant she still cared. That all was not lost. When he first saw her, when she ignored him, he was worried at her lack of emotions with him. But this, this he could work with.

He brought her hand to his chest, placing it over his heart softly. “I know Jyn. And I’m sorry. I should have talked to you. Kes and I both should have. But . . . Jyn . . .  seeing you in a hospital bed, again and again, hurt, fighting for your life because of _my_ life, that’s what I couldn’t stomach. Knowing that you got hurt because of me. That you could get hurt because of me. Because of things I’ve done.”

He looked away from her, his shame overcoming him. “I panicked. I’m sorry, Jyn. I’m so sorry.”

She finally looked at him. Really looked at him. And his brown eyes, _oh my, she could drown in those eyes._ They were so full of sorrow, so full of regret. She hated that they kept hurting each other. She knew, she’s always known he loved her. She just never knew how deep that love went. And right now, his eyes were telling her the depth of his commitment.

She let out a deep breath. And with it, she let out the anger, the hurt, the pain, that had been churning inside her. She was still mad at him. But she was tired. Tired of being alone, tired of facing everything on her own. She just wanted him.

She got up awkwardly from the sand and he watched her get up, ready to leave. He looked up at her, and she turned to look back at the waves, and all of a sudden the sun came out, shining down on her, and the gray skies turned blue and when she turned to look at him, her eyes had a shine to them, a tiny spark, waiting to be lit.

She held out her hand to him. “Well are you coming with me or not?”

“Always,” he said, simply, love in his eyes. “I’m with you all the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the end. I promise no more kidnappings or separations between our favorite couple.
> 
> Chapter title inspired by “In the Sun” by Joseph Arthur (although I really dig the version sung by Michael Stipe). This was my go-to Cassian song I listened to when writing Caught in Between so it only seemed fitting for this chapter.


	21. Loose Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baze is extremely protective of Jyn. Cassian gets news from Draven.

He thought they were going back to Chirrut and Baze’s but then Jyn kept walking along the beach, staying along the outskirts of the damp sand, the waves sometimes coming up and swirling around their feet. Cassian walked steadily beside her, itching to put his arm around her, grab her hand, move closer to her. He hadn’t felt this unsure with her since they were teens and they kissed for the first time.

Jyn finally stopped and glared at him,

“For crying out loud, Cassian, just do it. You act like we’re exes. I’m carrying our child for chrissakes.”

_Well then._

He quickly wrapped his arm around her and drew her close to him. He felt her stiffen at first and he moved to remove his arm - _maybe he should’ve taken it slow and grabbed her hand -_ but then he felt her slowly relax into his side, resting her head on his arm. He snuck a peek down at her tummy -

( _did pregnant women get mad when you stared, he wondered)_

\- and he could see the very obvious bump now. His hand was itching to touch her belly, draw circles on it,

( _is the baby kicking her yet?)_

They had been a part for so long and now here she was, with him, finally, and he had so many questions. _They had so much to talk -_

“I can literally feel your thoughts coming off of you Cassian.”

He gave her a small smile. “You sound like Chirrut.”

She huffed out. “You’re pretty easy to read. But yeah, Chirrut, he’s a whole other story.”

They stayed quiet for a while, walking steadily along the beach. It wasn’t too crowded. A few surfers and families. He spied a dad helping his toddler pick sea glass, crouching down to his height to brush the sand off of it, handing it to the child.

 _That could be him._   

“How far along are you?” He finally asked. A faint smile touched her lips and her hand went to her stomach. “Five months,” she said, a bit unsure. “Dr. Kalonia . . . she said about fourteen weeks and that was - _she frowned - thinking of how long she had been held captive. -_ “six weeks ago?”

He nodded his head, his mouth stretching in a thin line, thinking of how close he came to losing her. Losing his family. He stopped walking and turned her to him gently.

“May I?” he asked, his hand hovering over her stomach.

Jyn looked around, watched the surfers paddling out to the ocean, the mom now putting the toddler’s sea glass in a cup. People doing normal things, having a normal life.  

That’s all she wanted.

She looked at him, her eyes, so hesitant, wanting to trust him so badly again. She reached out and took his hand -

Cassian looked deep into her eyes, refusing to look away.

\- and placed it on her stomach.

He inhaled at the feeling of her hard belly through her thin shirt. Then he felt a little jolt and he snatched his hand away, looking at her with surprise.

“Was that a . . .”

She smiled at him brightly. “A kick, yeah. He’s pretty active. And picky. Sometimes he’ll kick me if I lay on a side he doesn’t like. Or if I’ve been sitting too long.”

Cassian returned his hand to her stomach, spreading his palm flat against her belly. And felt another kick. Tears welled up in his eyes. _They were actually going to have a baby. The baby was safe. She was safe._

Then he heard her words again.

“He?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “I . . . I don’t know. I . . . it’s always been _the baby_ but I don’t know, I have a feeling. Must be a boy - he’s a pain in the ass.”

Cassian chuckled. “I don’t care what gender it is, Jyn. As long as you and the baby are healthy and happy. That’s all I care about.”

She gave him a brief smile and then her thoughts flickered to the day she found out she was pregnant, at Dr. Kalonia’s office, how she broke down . . .

“What’s wrong?” Cassian asked instantly, noticing the sad look on her face.

She shook her head. “I just . . . the day I found out. I was in San Francisco and I could see . . . the Scarif Tower from the doctors office. And I was so mad, so upset that day. I was mad at the world we lived in, mad that we both were still suffering from everything the Empire did to us.”

Cassian had a pained look on his face. “Jyn . . . I should have been there with you.”

“No Cass . . . it wasn’t that you weren’t there. It was me, still being mad at my parents for leaving, mad at everything we were going through. Then I felt the baby. I felt this little life inside me and I knew. I knew things would be okay.”

Cassian pulled her to him, holding her close. She continued, mumbling against him. “When I was taken, the baby, you, it was all I could think about. How I survived. Knowing that I had you two to look forward to in my life. I knew I had to do whatever I could to get back home to you.”

His hold on her tightened and she could feel the sobs wracking through his body. “I was so scared Jyn. I’ve never been so terrified in my life. When you went missing and then I found out about the baby. I wasn’t strong. I broke down. I’m lost without you. If it wasn’t for Kes, Shara, pulling me through it, I think I would have lost it.”

She looked up at him, caressing his face with her hand. “Cass,” she whispered and she hugged him tight and he pulled her close to him, both never wanting to let the other go. “I’m so sorry, honey,” he whispered. “I’m sorry.”

She looked up and cupped his face and _fuck_ , he could just drown in her eyes.  She was finally looking at him and there was love and compassion and . . . his breath hitched when he figured out the final emotion in her eyes.

_Forgiveness._

Jyn was always a forgiving person.

So overwhelmed, he pulled her face to his and kissed her. Kissed her as if they had never kissed, as if this was their first time, kissed her as if there was no tomorrow, only today. She kissed him fiercely back, and tugged his head down to hers, pushing her tongue against his mouth and nipping at his bottom lip. He groaned and pulled her tighter to him and she responded back, arching against him, her body flush against his. “I missed you,” she whispered. “I missed you so much. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run. It was just too much,” she whispered. He shook his head, barely moving his lips away from hers. “No. Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. I should have talked to you. I just . . .,” he pulled away from, staring into her eyes, “I panicked. I came so close to losing you and then the thought of you still being in danger scared the hell out of me.”

She clutched onto his shirt and dropped her head onto his chest. “Everything’s okay now, Cass. We’ll be okay.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled. She was in his arms, she was safe, the baby was safe. They finally were okay.

He looked out at the ocean and then at the woman in his arms. The beach was nearly deserted save for a few surfers trying to catch the last wave of the day.  

“It’s beautiful out here,” he remarked, his eyes sweeping up and down the coastline. Jyn turned and looked at the water, the waves gently lapping away at the white sand.

“It is. But I miss home. I miss the mountains, the pine trees, the lake.”

She noticed his body stiffen when she mentioned home and she looked at him questioningly.

“What’s going on Cass?” she asked, holding her breath.

He turned to look at her. “The lease was over last month on our house. I . . . wasn’t too sure if you’d be able to go back so I renewed it for another month. But I told Kes to pack it up if we didn’t come back.” He knew what _home_ meant to Jyn and he hated to up and change places but even he had a hard time, being in their empty home, knowing she was taken from there. From where she should have felt the most safe.

He could feel her heart starting to beat fast against his chest. He drew her face to his, looking in her eyes. “Jyn . . . if you don’t want to go back home, I understand. But I’m not going anywhere without you,” he said, firmly. “If you want to move down here, I’ll move with you. Or find another home up there, we can do that too. ”

He could see the thoughts running wildly through her head and her eyes started to glisten. “I . . . could we have a little bit more time down here? I . . .,” she closed her eyes and shivered and Cassian knew she was thinking of the night she was taken. He tucked her into him, pulling her tight against his side. “I don’t think I can go back to our home, Cass. Seeing Bodhi shot and they were in my kitchen, I don’t think I can.

“But I do want to go back. That’s where our family is. I . . . just . . . not there.”

She sniffed and looked up at him, her green eyes glistening with unshed tears. “Is that okay?”

He kissed her lightly on the lips. “Of course. We’ll find another place or stay at Kes and Shara’s or at Kes’s parents until we find a new place.”

She patted her belly. “We’ll have to find one soon.”

He smiled at her and wrapped his hand over hers, moving to caress her stomach. “I know.”

* * *

 

They walked back to the house and Baze greeted them grumpily at the door, ignoring Cassian and giving Jyn a hug. Chirrut was already getting a pot of tea ready and had a plate of cookies on the table.

“So Cassian . . . do you have a place in town to stay tonight?” Chirrut called out from the kitchen.

Cassian’s eyes widened. He had been so focused on finding Jyn he hadn’t even thought of a place to stay. He looked at Jyn who hid a smile behind her cup of tea, giving him a slight shake of her head.

“Uh . . . I figured I would find one online once I got here.”

“Nonsense,” said Chirrut airily. “You can stay here.”

Baze’s head perked up. “Get a room,” he barked at Cassian. Cassian already had his phone out and was looking up nearest hotels when Jyn grabbed his wrist, taking his phone away from him.   
“Baze,” she snapped. “He can stay here with me.”

Baze got up from the table and Cassian could hear him rummaging around in the hallway. He came back with a pillow, sheets and a blanket. “Guest room is the first room on the left. Make your own bed. This isn’t a goddamn bed and breakfast.”

“Just let him sleep in the casita with J-”

“Chirrut! He sleeps in the guest room.” Chirrut rolled his eyes at Jyn and went back to his tea. She shrugged her shoulders at Cassian who looked fearful at the thought of sleeping in the same house as Baze.

* * *

“Baze.” Baze buried his head in his pillow. Chirrut was bugging him, hitting him in the shoulder. “Baze. Baze. Wake up.”

Chirrut kept pushing him. “Baze! It’s 3am and I can’t sleep. I can hear Jyn tossing and turning in the casita and Cassian is going to wear holes in our carpet from all the pacing. Just let the poor kids sleep together. She’s pregnant with his child for crying out loud.”

Baze growled. “She’s too forgiving. She should’ve at least given him a black eye.”

“If you don’t do something about this, then believe me I will.”

Baze sighed and got up, marching down the hall. He found Cassian sitting on the edge of the bed, sweaty, dark circles under his eyes. _God these kids were a fucking mess._

“Out.” Baze ordered. “Outside now. I can’t sleep.”

Cassian looked up at him, then moved to grab his car keys.

“No,” he grunted. “Out there,” he said, pointing to the casita in the backyard. Cassian’s eyes widened and he nodded quickly in understanding, grabbing his pillow.

He moved to go past the big bulk of a man when Baze suddenly struck out his arm against the doorway blocking Cassian in the room. “I’m presuming you don’t need a warning, right?”

Cassian shook his head fast. “No sir.”

He moved his arm from the door and nodded. Cassian rushed past him, missing the slight smile on Baze’s face.

He opened the door slowly to the casita, not wanting to startle Jyn. He saw she was asleep but she was tossing and turning, mumbling in her sleep. He sat at the edge of the bed and caressed her back, trying to soothe her. She opened her eyes slowly. “Cass,” she said, sleepily.

He held up his pillow. “Baze kicked me out.”

She scooted over to the middle of the bed and lifted the sheet. He looked at her anxiously. “Are you sure? Is this okay?”

“We sleep best when we’re together. Get in. Now.”

He slid in next to her and tentatively reached out to wrap her arms around her waist, his hand resting gently on her stomach. She wriggled against him, her body fitting next to his like a missing puzzle piece and she sighed in contentment. _This is what she had been missing._

_Him._

He felt another little jolt against his hand and his whole body twitched, not use to the sensation. Jyn put her hand over his, as if she was afraid he would move his hand away.

“This is what I missed,” she whispered. “This whole time, these last two months, I’ve missed you so much.”

He buried his face in the back of her neck, thin whispers of her hair tickling his nose. “I’ll never leave you again, Jyn. I swear. I’m here. With you. Always.” His eyes were slowly closing and he was fading fast but not before he heard her whisper.

“Me too.”

* * *

 

The guttural sound of a chainsaw startled Cassian out of sleep.

_Shit._

Baze.

Jyn was still snuggled against him, sound asleep. He could see the yellowing of the bruises under her skin and noticed the red welts were fading on her wrist. _Funny how the physical wounds can heal so fast._

He heard the chainsaw again.

Cassian was fairly certain Baze was doing this on purpose. It sounded like he was using the chainsaw right next to the window.

_Asshole._

He threw on a pair of jeans and a gray shirt, running his hand through his hair and smiled sheepishly at Baze when he walked out of the casita.

“Jyn’s still asleep,” Cassian said, trying to hold back a smirk.. Baze immediately powered down the chainsaw and went to grab a paint can and brush.  

Cassian spied the unfinished pergola, the two by fours and the paint. “Need some help?”

Baze looked him and down. The kid was skinny, it looked like he could barely hold a paint brush let alone a 2x4. He nodded over to the cans of primer and grumbled. “You can paint. Just don’t screw it up.”

“Got it.” He was going to have to do a lot to get his man to like him. He wasn’t too sure who was worse - Baze now or Kerrick when he started dating Jyn.

He snuck a look at Baze, lifting up multiple blocks of wood like they were feathers.

_Yup definitely Baze._

They had been working for a couple of hours when Jyn came out of the casita, yawning, her hair curling wildly around her face. She smiled at Cassian and his heart, _jesus christ his heart_ , opened wide. She looked so young, so fresh. The shadows around her eyes were going away. She had this glow, this look of peace on her that made him think last night was her first night having a restful sleep.

He went up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Morning,” he said, murmuring into her neck.

“Have you been awake long?” she asked, looking at Baze who was ignoring the cuddling and noticing the paint on Cassian’s hands.

“For a bit. I was helping Baze paint.”

She nodded her head. “I usually go for a walk in the morning. Do you want to come with me?”

Cassian held back the spurt of panic at her walking alone. _She’s fine. She’s fine. She’s safe._ He glanced over at Baze who didn’t seem to take issue with her walking alone. Baze looked up at him, about to frown, but then saw the look of panic on Cassian’s face before he shuttered it away. It was a look he recognized - one he would often see on Chirrut before he retired. His eyes softened and he waved his hand towards the gate. “Go on, go. Chirrut can help once he decides to roll out of bed.”

They took a different route to the beach, walking along the cliffs. Cassian immediately reached for Jyn’s hand and he clasped it tightly during the whole walk. They walked quietly, just enjoying each other’s company. Cassian hated to spoil the peace and quiet but he wanted - no - he needed to know something.

He stopped when he saw a bench that overlooked the ocean. “Can we sit?”

She nodded her head and sat down and he sat close by her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. She laid her head down on his shoulder and nuzzled her head against him.

He looked out over the water and finally asked his question.

“Are you okay, Jyn?”

He didn’t miss the slight stiffening of her shoulders before she forced herself to relax against him. “I’m fine. The baby was actually pretty mellow last night,” she looked up at him shyly, “once you got in the bed with me.”

He swallowed. Jyn hated to show weakness, even around him. He lifted his hand and slowly trailed a finger down her cheek, rubbing softly at the bruise on her chin. He could only guess how she got it and he had to tamp down the anger, the hate, towards the man who did it to her. _He was dead_. She didn’t need to see his fury.

“Jyn . . . how are you holding up?” He paused and looked at her with such concern in his eyes. “When I came in last night . . . I could tell you were having a nightmare.”

She quickly looked away from him, looking back at the ocean, at the waves crashing against the sand. She sucked in a breath and furiously wiped at her eyes.

“I’ve been having them,” she finally said. “Even before . . . I was taken.”

He pulled away from her, shocked. “Before? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were having them too, Cassian!” She said angrily. “All I wanted was for you to be fine. I could worry about myself later.”

“Jyn . . .” he said, shaking his head. “What . . . are they of?”

“What aren’t they of?” she cried out. “I see Krennic shooting you, killing you. I see you dying. I see Kes getting hit by a bullet meant for me and dying and Randi and Kerrick, and everyone I love dying, being taken away from me.”

She paused, taking a breath.

“I see you leaving me,” she whispered. “Sometimes I dream you go back to the Alliance - to protect me - and it kills you. You die.”

“And now . . . after all this. Everything just muddies together. I see Damian killing you, that I can’t kill him in time. I see Bodhi dying. Shara.”

“Jyn,” he whispered softly against her. “It’s okay. It’s okay. I promise I will never leave you.” He pulled her tightly to him. “You know that right? I swear. I could never leave you again.”

She gave him a small smile. “I know, Cass. I know now.” She sighed, taking a deep breath. “I just want it all to be over . . . to be done with. I’m so tired of being scared.”

“I know, honey. Me too. I swear I’ll do everything in my power to make sure we’re safe.”

* * *

 

They were eating dinner with Baze and Chirrut when Cassian received a phone call. He frowned at the caller ID and then excused himself from the table. Jyn looked at him, concern in her face. Chirrut clasped Jyn’s hand. “It’s okay, little-cat. Things will be okay.”

Cassian walked back in the room and Jyn could tell he had news. But he had his damn spy face on and she couldn’t tell if it was bad news or _really_ bad news.  He glanced briefly at Baze and Chirrut. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Jyn hesitated for a moment. “Cass . . . they both know. You don’t have to hide whatever it is.”

He nodded his head, biting his lip. “That was Draven. He’s been working on the official government report for the chalet.”

Jyn immediately stiffened, her heart racing. It had only been two weeks but the events at the chalet, seemed like it was ages ago.

She looked up at Cassian, motion her hand for him to continue.

“The . . . only way we can keep the other cartel members from finding out about you is faking your death in the chalet. Draven was waiting for the uh . . . ‘right’ evidence so he could do the report and he finally found it.”

He paused . . . looking at Jyn to see if she understood. Baze and Chirrut both nodded their heads, understanding.

“He needed a body,” Jyn said, flatly.

Cassian gave a slight nod of his head. “One finally came his way that matches the requirements.” He was saying this all in a clinical voice, trying to keep the tremor out of it. Some poor woman’s death would be what would save his girl.

“So what’s the problem,” Jyn asked. “Why are you hesitating?”

Cassian sat down next to her. “Jyn . . . in order for Draven to do this, you have to die. Jyn Erso dies in that chalet. She’s gone. You can never go back to being Jyn Erso. Your identity, your life, everything that was you, is gone. Dead.”

Now she knew why he was hesitating. He was worried about her no longer keeping her identity, no longer being who she was.

“So . . . then what happens to me? The real Jyn?”

Cassian paused. “This is where it gets complicated. Either you go into witness protection - “

“No. Not an option. I won’t leave you, I won’t leave my family.” Jyn interrupted him, holding her hand up to stop him from even saying anything more on the subject.

“I would go with you Jyn. I told Draven no deal if I’m not included.”

She started panicking. “But what about . . .  Randi, Kerrick. I can’t Cass, I can’t leave them.”

“I know honey. I know.”

“There’s another option, but it will take time. Time we don’t have.”

“What?” she demanded. “What?”

Cassian looked at her. “Jyn . . . you’ve been going by Dameron since the age of eleven. Yes, Jyn Erso dies in that chalet. Jyn Erso, daughter of Galen and Lyra Erso does die. But Jyn Dameron, Jyn Dameron was _born_ to Kerrick and Randi Dameron at Douglas County Hospital in South Lake Tahoe, Nevada. We can destroy the adoption papers, the notes in your court adoption papers and produce a birth certificate, that you’re the biological daughter of Kerrick and Randi Dameron.”

Jyn didn’t hesitate. She loved her mother and father but they didn’t raise her. They left her. Left her with an abusive, manipulative man. Left her to clean up their mess. She knew their reasonings why. And even though she understood it . . . understood that they were protecting her, she didn’t know if she could never forgive it.

“Do it.” She said firmly.

Cassian hesitated. “There’s one problem. Los Angeles county records are not digital. We need someone on the inside to get to the documents and destroy them. And that’s where we have a problem.”

“No you don’t.” Baze said. Cassian had almost forgot that they were there, the two meddlers had been unusually quiet.

Cassian stared at him, confused.

Jyn stared at Baze, understanding. “Baze,” she said softly. “No . . . you can’t.”

He stood up, a big beast of a man. “Jyn’s records are in the courthouse I was assigned to when I was doing courthouse security. I can get in no problem.”

Jyn shook her head. “No. No. I forbid it. If you get caught, your pension. No Baze. Not for me. I’m not worth it.”

Baze stared hard at Jyn. “You’re worth it little-cat. And I’m offended you think I’ll get caught.”

Jyn turned to look at Chirrut who had been oddly quiet. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled at Jyn. “The old man is pretty sneaky when he wants to be.”

Cassian looked at Baze then at Jyn. He knew she would hate witness protection. Would hate being separated from her family, from the town she grew up in. This was the better option.

He nodded at Baze. “Okay. I’ll tell Draven Plan B it is.”

They made plans for Baze to go to the courthouse the next day, with Jyn protesting the whole time. So many people had sacrificed so much for her and she hated for one more person to get in this mess. But Baze was insisting, wouldn’t listen to reason. Cassian was asleep next to her in the bed  and he was in his usual spot, wrapped up behind her, his arm wrapped around her waist. She couldn’t sleep, she was worried about Baze. She gently moved Cassian’s arm and slid out from the bed, walking inside to the main house. She needed something, tea, milk, anything to help calm her nerves.

Instead she found Chirrut, sitting at the kitchen table with two cups of tea in front of him.

“You’re worried about Baze too?” Jyn asked, sitting down across from him.

He smiled serenely. “Not at all. But I knew you were.”

“I just . . . so many people have suffered because of me, because of my family. I couldn’t bear for something to happen to him.”

Chirrut nodded his head in understanding. They sat there quietly, sipping their tea. Finally Chirrut started talking.

“Did Baze ever tell you about the first time he saw you?”

Jyn looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean? We didn’t meet until the day my mother died.”

Chirrut shook his head slowly. “No . . . little-cat. There was another time.”

A wisp of a memory . . . a hospital room . . . arguing . . . yelling but it was so fuzzy, she could barely remember it. She had tried so hard to wash those memories away and it had been so long since she remembered the aftermath of one of Krennic’s episodes.

"Do you know what division Baze worked in when he was with the sheriffs?”

Jyn shook her head.

“It was a special unit - CAC.”

 _“Crimes against Children”_ Jyn whispered.

Chirrut nodded his head. “He . . . it was hard for him but he saw the impact of what he did. The kids he could save.”

“But one case . . . I’d never seen a case get to him so bad.”

“He stormed home one night, grabbing his rifle and was ready to walk out that door and kill someone. Said he just came back from Cedars where a small girl had broken ribs, a twisted ankle, split lip. Her step father had beat her. Baze had convinced the pediatrician to call social services and they were on their way. He stepped out to call his boss and when he came back, social services had left, the pediatrician had left. Apparently the stepfather had made a generous _donation_ to the hospital. And the mother didn’t fight it. Every person who was supposed to protect that child failed her.”

Tears started streaming down Jyns face.

“I had never seen him so upset. I had to beg, plead, tell him to have _faith,_ to trust in the system, that eventually the little girl would be safe.”

“He finally relented but it killed a piece of him, the part of him that still had hope. And he swore to me that if it was the last thing he would do, he would save that little girl.”

Jyn was openly crying now.

“So you need to let him do this, Jyn. He still feels as if he didn’t do enough. Especially now - with what happened three years ago. Give him this, Jyn. It’ll give him the peace he seeks.”

She nodded her head slowly.

“Now go back to bed. You need to rest,” Chirrut scolded. “Don’t worry about him, he’ll be fine.”

She smiled at him, and even though she knew he couldn’t see it, he smiled back at her and patted her arm as she walked past him. “Trust him, Jyn. It’ll be okay.”

She walked back to the casita and slid into bed, curling into Cassian, resting her head on his chest. “Everything okay?” he mumbled sleepily. She was still anxious and nervous but after talking to Chirrut and being warm and held in the arms of the man she loved, she was feeling a small measure of peace.

“Yes,” she whispered, “Go back to sleep,” and he pulled her tighter to him, the soft rhythm of his breathing lulling her into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the side-plot with Baze. Kind of came out of nowhere but I hope it worked out. Also, getting very close to the end. One more chapter and then a very short epilogue.


	22. Somewhere in Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian talk. Jyn visits the home she grew up in.

She stretched slowly, curling her body towards . . . _a pillow?_ She opened her eyes and realized Cassian wasn’t in the bed with her. She choked back the brief moment of panic - _he’s here, he wouldn’t leave -_ and listened to her surroundings. She could hear him talking outside with Chirrut, a low rumble from his throat indicating Chirrut probably said or did something that made him laugh. She loved that little chuckle of his. It was so rare for him to be open with his emotions, as if he was holding a piece of himself back, afraid to laugh, afraid to be happy. It was as if he was stuck, somewhere in between being happy and his fear of being happy, that he deserved to have this life.

So caught up in her musings, she didn’t notice the time until she swung out of the bed.

It was almost noon.

_Baze!_

She ran outside the casita just as Baze was coming out of the house, carrying bottles of beer and what looked like a bottle of apple juice and sandwiches. Cassian and Chirrut were seated under the nearly finished pergola.

“Oh thank God, I thought you had left already, I didn’t want to miss you,” Jyn exclaimed.

Baze looked at her confused. “I already went to the courthouse.” He pointed to the beer on the table. “This is for celebrating. Not you though,” he added, motioning to her stomach. “You can have the cider.”

Jyn was still confused. “What? You already went? It’s done?” She looked wildly at Chirrut who simply smiled at her and then at Cassian. He had a weird look on his face. He was smiling but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. She eyed him shrewdly and he glanced down at his phone before he gave her a slight shake of his head, as if he didn’t want her to worry about whatever was bothering him.

“It’s done, Jyn. I already called Draven and told him to release the report.”

She continued to stare at Cassian, trying to comprehend. She was . . .   _safe? She was finally safe._

“We . . . we’re okay? We don’t have to worry about me anymore?” She asked Cassian, in a small voice.

He finally smiled brightly at her. “Yes, honey. We’re safe. You’re safe now.” Her eyes welled with tears and Cassian grabbed her hand, a look of concern on his face. “Jyn . . . are you okay?” She nodded her head, wiping furiously at her eyes. She turned to Baze and hugged him as hard as she could possibly could. “Thank you,” she whispered against his massive chest. “Thank you.”

Chirrut calmly handed Baze a tissue who swatted it out of his hand.

Instead he hugged Jyn back gently. “You don’t need to thank me little-cat,” he said gruffly.

“Sit, Jyn,” Chirrut said, pulling a chair out for her. “I told you there was nothing to worry about it. Baze can be quite sneaky when he wants to. I mean that’s how he landed me.

“Don’t start, Chur,” Baze warned.

They ate their lunch with Chirrut wildly narrating the story of how he and Baze first met and how he proposed. Jyn noticed Cassian tense up briefly when Chirrut started talking about their wedding and that’s when it dawned on her.

“It was supposed to be today,” she blurted out. Cassian looked up at her in surprise then smiled sadly. After everything they had been through, there was no way he was going to remind her of what today should have been. The future they should have been embarking on. Plus with everything going on between them, he didn’t even know if she still wanted to. And that was fine with him. He was totally fine with that. He . . . after everything he did too, he would be happy just having her with him.

“It’s okay,” he said, grabbing her hand. “I . . . when everything happened, Shara took care of canceling things for me.”

“Oh Cass,” Jyn said, guilt clearly splayed out across her face. “You should’ve told me. We . . . I still . . . would. You know that, right?”

He felt a small measure of relief, hearing her say that. He glanced down at the sparkling emerald on her finger and gave her a small smile. “I know, Jyn. I know. We will. When the timing is right.” He didn’t want her to feel pressured, to feel obligated. To feel like she owed him something.

Jyn nearly rolled her eyes at that comment. Cassian moved as slow as a turtle. At the rate he was going, they would be on their third child before they finally tied the knot.

Baze looked sharply at Cassian and then at the ring on Jyn’s finger. “What are you talking about?”

Chirrut answered for them. “They were supposed to get married today, Baze.”

“Oh,” he said. Then he grinned at Cassian. “You know Chirrut here is an ordained minister. He could . . . you know . . . marry you two.”

Chirrut perked up at the idea.

Cassian glanced at Jyn wide-eyed. She considered it briefly. They had waited so long and had been together so long. Marrying Cassian had always been her dream. Ever since she was little and had developed a full blown crush on him.

But she couldn’t do it. Not without her family. Not without Kes and Kerrick, Shara and Randi. Bodhi.

She looked at Cassian and in that moment, he understood what was going through her mind.

_Family._

_Home._

Those were everything to Jyn and he would never take that away from her.

She patted Baze on the hand and winked at him.

“Trying to legitimize me huh, old timer.” He scowled at her but it lost its effect when he took her in a hug.

“No little-cat. I just want you to be happy and if this skinny kid here makes you happy, then you have my approval.”

Her responding smile was enough for him.

* * *

Baze and Chirrut had gone inside while Cassian and Jyn offered to clear up the dishes.

“So any plans today?” Cassian asked. He was so used to constantly moving, being busy and not having anything to do, especially after these last six weeks, was throwing him for a loop. He had tried to make Jyn sit down and rest and she wasn’t having it, shoving him aside so she could help clean up.

She stopped and turned to him. “I thought we could go for a drive?” she asked, hopefully. “The 101 is a pretty drive along the coast and you’ve never been down this way.”

He nodded his head in agreement. “Sounds good.”

Jyn went inside to tell Baze and Chirrut they would be gone for the rest of the day.

“Take your time, little-cat.” Chirrut said, smiling almost sneakily at her. Jyn paused and eyed him, wondering what the meddler was up to. She looked at Baze who just shrugged his shoulders in usual Baze-style and waved her off. “Go and enjoy your day. Watch out for traffic,” he warned.

* * *

They drove south on the highway, the coast on one side and sprawling mountains and hills on the other.  As they got closer to Los Angeles, Jyn asked Cassian to take another highway, directing him to a town nestled between the Santa Monica mountains and the larger communities of LA. Cassian stayed quiet, listening to her directions, just simply enjoying the time he was spending with her. He still couldn’t believe that she was here, with him.

_Safe._

Those weeks he spent worrying about her, Damian’s threats, he thought for sure that he would never see her again. And to have her with him, finally, it was as if he was appreciating the simplicity of just being with her. He had spent so much time fretting, worrying about her, even before this whole ordeal that he never took the time to just enjoy being with her. Absorbing her light, her brightness. The things that made him feel right. THe things that made him want to be a better man.

“Cass,” she said quietly. “Pull over here.”

They were in a neighborhood that was filled with large oak trees, nearly covering the entire street providing shade. The homes were older, the same built but the face all different. Two story and sprawling one story homes dotted the street. The house he was parked in front of had a tire hanging from a tree and he looked at Jyn questioningly.

“This was where I used to live,” she whispered. “Before my mom . . .  before she moved in with _him.”_

_Oh._

“Jyn . . . we don’t have to . . .” he started.

She shook her head, taking a deep breath. “It’s okay, Cass. I just . . . I wanted you to see where I grew up.”

“I guess . . . I needed to see it one last time. We moved so fast I never had a chance to say bye. I always thought I would come back here. That my mom would leave him, that we could come back.”

He looked at the tire swing again and imagined Jyn, in a happier life, her dad pushing her on the swing. Probably making him push her until she reached the top of the tree, the tire twirling her wildly around.

He rubbed at his eyes furiously, trying so hard not to get angry at her happiness being taken away her.

She looked at him and grabbed his hand. “This is the last place I felt safe -”

He stilled for a moment, _wha -_

“Until you found me,” she said finally.

“You’ve always come back for me Cassian. Ever since I was little. You looked out for me when I was eleven and had just lost my mother. You came back when I was eighteen because you couldn’t stay away. You saved me at twenty four from things that were spiralling out of control. Two weeks ago - _you found me.”_ He went to protest and she stopped him, shaking her head. “Don’t. Don’t try and say you didn’t. You did. Who knows what would’ve happened if you never showed up. You’ve always been there. It’s always _you,_ Cassi. It’s always been _you_.”

She leaned over the center console of the car, taking his face in her hands. “I want to go home,” she whispered. “I want to go home with you. I love you.” She kissed him then, her soft lips a gentle caress against his and he was so shocked, at her admission, at realizing that she loved him no matter what, that he pulled her small body to his, dragging her over the center console and turned her soft kiss into a passionate one, his teeth nipping at her bottom lip before he moved to her ears, her throat, her little whimpers pushing him to pull her tight against him, her body arching against his. “I love you so much,” he swore. “Never again, Jyn. I never want to be a part from you ever again.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hard again, giving everything he had into that kiss. His need, his worry, his guilt. Everything that he had been bottling up since they got back together, he poured into that kiss. Tears came to his eyes and she responded back just as hard, holding him tight to her, replacing all the desperate feelings he had with her own feelings . . . hope, compassion and forgiveness.

A light rattle of the window made them break apart, faces flushed, realizing they were still on a very public, child-friendly neighborhood street. Startled they pulled a part before they realized it was a branch that had fallen from a tree.  

He caressed her face with the back of his palm and she moved her chin into his palm, kissing him lightly on the wrist.

“Did you want to get out of the car?” He asked her, a bit hesitantly.

She took one more look at the house. The home she grew up in. She wondered briefly if the little carvings on the closet door still existed, where her dad would measure her once a year and try and show her how tall she was getting (which really she wasn’t). Snapshots of her childhood flashed in front of her, her mom showing her how to ride a bike, her dad protesting when she wanted to take off the training wheels. Her dad showing her how to use the computer and her mom taking her on walks to the nearby park. She bit her lip, remembering the good times when she was Jyn Erso. She would treasure those memories forever, she would always remember her parents but . . . she was no longer that little girl. The girl scared to fight back, the girl afraid to call things her own, the girl who worried of her loved ones being taken from her.

She was Jyn Dameron. Soon to be Jyn Dameron Andor. And she would be damned if that little girl every came back.

“Jyn?”

She looked at the house one last time and then turned to look at Cassian. Going from her past to her future.

“Let’s go home, Cass.”

* * *

 

It was late by the time they got back to Baze and Chirrut’s, the two men having already retired for the night, Jyn noticed, as they walked through the house. She stopped abruptly when she walked through the kitchen and stepped outside to the outdoor patio.

It was finally finished. All the construction, the sawing, the cutting, the painting was all done. The pergola was painted a brilliant white and Baze - at least she hoped it was Baze - had added lights to it, casting a soft glow over the patio. The flowers she and Chirrut planted were all blooming with brilliant red and teal flowers. One of them had added in solar powered stakes next to the flowers, illuminating the colors even more. A glass bowl full of sand and seashells she had collected over the weeks sat on the ceramic dining table, a large candle planted in the middle. They had left out a tray of grapes and cheese and crackers and a bottle of cider with champagne glasses for them.

Soft music started to play.

 _I found a love for me_  
_Darling just dive right in_  
_And follow my lead_  
_Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet_  
_I never knew you were the someone waiting for me_  
_'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love_  

 _Not knowing what it was_  
_I will not give you up this time_  
_But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own_  
_And in your eyes you're holding mine_

“They’re embarrassing,” Jyn muttered under her breath. “I never should have taught Chirrut how to operate Alexa.”

Cassian wrapped his arms around her, smiling to himself, looking at the renovated backyard. “It looks nice,” he said quietly. “Where’s the music coming from?” he asked, glancing around the yard.

She leaned back into him, pointing to the large rocks in the planter. “Chirrut wanted music so Baze must have caved and hooked them up today.”

The song continued to play and Cassian rocked her body from side to side, twirling her around to face him.

“Dance with me?” he asked, smiling at her shyly. She looked at him in surprise. They never did _this._ The romantic stuff, dancing, talking about their emotions, both so afraid of revealing the demons they kept at bay. But today, all the events leading up to today, both made them realize that life was too short for them to worry about the past and that they both needed to move on and look towards their future.

 _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms_  
_Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song_  
_When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath_  
_But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight_

 _Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know_  
_She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home_  
_I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets_  
_To carry love, to carry children of our own_  
_We are still kids, but we're so in love_  
_Fighting against all odds_  
_I know we'll be alright this time_  
_Darling, just hold my hand_  
_Be my girl, I'll be your man_  
_I see my future in your eyes_

She nodded her head and he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and she brought her arms around his neck, toying gently with the little waves of hair that curled over the collar of his shirt.  She rested her head on his chest and could feel his heart beating erratically. “Cass?” she whispered, looking at him questioningly. When he gazed down at her, she finally realized it.

_He was nervous._

She pulled his face down to hers and kissed him slowly, her tongue dancing in tune with the music on his lips and she could feel his heart slow down and his body relax and when she finally looked up at him, she was blown away at the depth of feelings in his eyes. He moved her gracefully to the soft melody and when the song finally ended, she felt like her heart was going to burst at the depth of love she felt for him.

“Bed?” He asked, desire clouding the ball of emotions in his eyes and he tugged her to him and she could feel _him_ against her and the months, weeks they spent a part exploded into a ravenous hunger and all she wanted was him, in her bed, in her and with her. Always.

“Bed. Bed now.” She confirmed and he scooped her up in his arms and they both laughed, so happy in love, as he carried her home.

 _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms_  
_Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song_  
_When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful_  
_I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight_

 _Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms_  
_Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song_  
_I have faith in what I see_  
_Now I know I have met an angel in person_  
_And she looks perfect_  
_I don't deserve this_  
_You look perfect tonight_

“It worked,” Chirrut said.  
Baze growled. “I don’t want to know. Go to sleep.”

Chirrut grinned at his husband. It wasn’t him that had set up the backyard. _It was Baze._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cheesiness with the song. Every time I imagined them dancing together, always thought of [Perfect](https://youtu.be/2Vv-BfVoq4g) by Ed Sheeran playing in the background. The line “we were just kids when we fell in love” resonated with me for them in this fic.


	23. Epilogue

_Three months later_

The first time Jyn saw her daughter, she melted. Like absolutely, melted into a puddle on the floor. She knew . . .  the whole time she was pregnant that she would love her baby unconditionally but she never knew what unconditional truly meant until she saw her daughter for the first time. In that moment, Jyn realized why her parents went to the lengths they did to protect her. Why her father left. Why her mother stayed with an abusive man. They were trying to protect her _life._  She took one look at the baby, swaddled in Cassian’s arms, the pert nose, the thick eyelashes, the unblinking blue eyes and she realized she would do absolutely anything, _anything,_ to protect her child.

Jyn was always a forgiving person and the moment she met her daughter, she finally, finally, forgave her parents.

“It’s a girl,” he murmured to her, handing the sleeping child to her gently. She was so tiny, no bigger than the length of his arm. While Jyn’s pregnancy had been full of chaos and fear, her delivery had been calm and peaceful. As if the fates realized the difficulties they had and blessed Jyn with an easy labor. The baby had cried once and right after Jyn had nursed her, had fallen asleep in her daddy’s arms.

He couldn’t help but smirk at her as Jyn cuddled the baby to her. “Shut it,” she growled softly, instantly remembering her comment that the baby must be a boy because it was a pain in the ass when she was carrying it.

Cassian couldn’t stop staring at his daughter and his wife. “She’s beautiful,” he said, already enamored with her. He grabbed her little pinky and the baby sighed contentedly against Jyn’s chest, her little mouth already puckering up to eat again.

“She looks like you,” Jyn said quietly. “She has your lashes and mouth.”

He smiled. “The blue eyes?” he asked her.

“Mine were blue when I was born. They changed to green as I got older.” Jyn said, shifting her body, so she could nurse the baby again.

“Hmm . . .” Cassian said, thoughtfully. “My . . . mom . . . she had light colored eyes. She would always joke that she got them from the mailman because my grandma and grandpa both had brown eyes.” He smiled at the memory. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a _good_ memory of his parents, but being here with Jyn, with their newborn baby girl was making him reminisce of the joyful times he had with them. He had been so focused on the bad, that he never looked past it and thought of the good times they spent together.

“Since we thought she was going to be a boy, any ideas for a name?” Cassian asked her hesitantly.

“I’d like to name her Nadia,” Jyn said, looking at him, trying to gauge his reaction. He stilled, looking up at her slowly.

“Nadia,” he whispered. Then he looked at Jyn, a sheen of tears in his eyes. “How did you know?”

She smiled at him tentatively. “Kerrick. We . . . were talking about names and I was set on Jeron but he told me I should think of a girl name just in case. And he told me your mother’s name was Nadia. It’s a beautiful name and it means hope and that’s what she gave me . . . that month . . . _hope_.”

He nodded his head yes, tears streaming down his face. He looked at the two most beautiful women in his life and an unfamiliar feeling washed over him.

_Peace._

He never thought he could feel this way. That he _should_ feel this way. After everything he did, he never thought he would find the the peace, the tranquility he now felt. He never thought he deserved it. But as he looked at Jyn, at their beautiful baby girl, he felt something so powerful to him, something he hadn’t felt in years, _decades._  He now knew what it felt like - this emotion where he stopped warring with himself and truly enjoyed what was right in front of him.

It felt like hope.

* * *

_Four years later_

“Tell me again why we agreed to hike to Vista Rock with two kids, Jyn?” Cassian huffed, out of breath, taking the curly haired brown-eyed toddler out of the backpack carrier. The little critter had kept pulling at his hair the whole way up on the hike and had no desire to walk when he knew he could be carried.

Jyn lifted Nadia up onto a rock so she could get a picture of her with the lake in the background. The little troublemaker had done well for her first hike, her knees just scraped a little, fingernails a bit dirty, little dirt smudges on her cheek and an assortment of rocks in her pocket. Her dark brown hair curled around her face as she impatiently brushed it back with a chubby hand. She preened for the camera, and she was all smiles and perfection, that Cassian momentarily forgot about his grumpiness.

Jyn grinned back at him while she snapped a selfie with her and Nadia.

“Because,” she said. “Shara and Kes needed some time to themselves and little Poe wanted to come with us.”

Cassian rolled his eyes, glaring at Poe who was running around the clearing, playing tag with Nadia. _Oh now he runs._ But his heart melted when he saw how well they played together. The minute Poe was born, Nadia had instantly taken to him, often treating him like a little pet, wanting to take Poe with her everywhere she went. He thought of Kes and Jyn and how close they were growing up. He felt bad for Nadia. If Poe was anything like his father, Nadia was going to have a hard time trying to side-step his future protectiveness.

“Poe also said he promised to walk. Which he failed to do the minute he saw the carrier,” Cassian complained. 

"Well . . .,” Jyn said, thoughtfully, “I was thinking we should get used to having two kids with us at all times.”

Cassian had been watching the kids run around but when he heard Jyn’s comment, he stopped and turned slowly to her.

_Two._

She had a sheen of tears to her eyes and was smiling so brilliantly at him. He inhaled sharply and walked quickly over to her, taking her in his arms.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked, his voice hopeful.

She nodded her head against his chest. “Just found out yesterday.”

She looked up at him and her eyes, they were so green and so full of _life, he could drown in them._ “That’s why I wanted to come up here. A lot of good things have happened up here.”

He was so overcome with joy. He didn’t know what he did to deserve this life but he finally, finally felt as if everything was good.

That everything was finally right..

“I love you, Jyn. I’m so in love with you,” he declared, kissing her hard on her mouth and she responded back, in turn, looping her arms around his neck and kissing him just as hard.

“I love you, Cassi. I’ll always love you.”

They pulled away from each other and looked at Nadia, their beautiful and smart and curious daughter who now had two pocketfuls of rocks. They watched Poe, the mischievous little boy trying to climb a tree. Cassian caressed Jyn’s stomach, at the little life growing there and knew finally, they were both _home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the end!
> 
> Just wanted to say special thanks to [aewgliriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel) for her kind help in chapter summaries and letting me know whenever I screwed up grammar wise. 
> 
> Also, wanted to give a shoutout to [theputterer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theputterer/pseuds/theputterer). A lot of this fic was influenced on themes from her [Cassian Andor nonsense](https://archiveofourown.org/series/700761) series - Cassian’s guilt, Jyn's worry that he’ll go back to the Alliance, the use of flashbacks. 
> 
> I hope everyone enjoyed this - sorry for all the angst and the cliffhangers but I'm hoping the ends justified the means! Thank you so much for all the comments and reviews, this fandom is amazing!


End file.
